I'm a stranger in this country
I'm sitting at home, bored, annoyed, and sneezy. My dad is watching constantine in the livingroom, and because thats where the computer is, I'm being forced to watch it as well. Damn him. And by the way: do me a favor and never watch this movie. I can't handle its stupidity. But anyways.
Hey, guess what guys!! I've got the day off tomorrow!! Way. my body aches at the thought of waking up without an alarm. I wake up now eray in the morning, before the sun rises, and then I realise I'm don't have to be awake, and I fall back asleep. I fear everyday for my jobs. I can't help but think I'm doing it wrong. these thoughts always plague me. I'm always thinking I'm on the verge of being fired. And this cause anxiety, which causes me on not being able to concetrate on anything but work. But then it also makes me avoid things I shouldn't (which is why I have this consnant fear of being fired). But I guess I've felt that way about it since Borders fired me from IPT and moved me to Book Seller. Acutally, I've felt that way since I was fired from my first job at Barrons.
And now working and feeling anxiety makes me linger in my reading. Which is good, I guess. Because I do love to read. But still: I've always fallen into this pattern. In high school, when I didn't want to face anyone, I read. Last summer, when I was getting homesick, and that Sabrina tried to fuck me over, I read. I read now everymoment I get. If I arrive to a house two minutes before my time, I read. In the morning, I'll get ready early to read. I'll read at night when I should be sleeping. I read During lunch and dinner. I even read when one of my clients is taking a nap (not one that I clean for). I take baths so I wont loose time reading while showering. I get stoned and read. I get drunk and read. I read in line while getting my food.
But anyway, that brings me to tonight, where I've taken a break on reading to write in this thing, this monstar, this dying passtime called livejournal.
Nothing to do tonight. I thought there might be, but I was wrong.
Hey, guess what guys!! I've got the day off tomorrow!! Way. my body aches at the thought of waking up without an alarm. I wake up now eray in the morning, before the sun rises, and then I realise I'm don't have to be awake, and I fall back asleep. I fear everyday for my jobs. I can't help but think I'm doing it wrong. these thoughts always plague me. I'm always thinking I'm on the verge of being fired. And this cause anxiety, which causes me on not being able to concetrate on anything but work. But then it also makes me avoid things I shouldn't (which is why I have this consnant fear of being fired). But I guess I've felt that way about it since Borders fired me from IPT and moved me to Book Seller. Acutally, I've felt that way since I was fired from my first job at Barrons.
And now working and feeling anxiety makes me linger in my reading. Which is good, I guess. Because I do love to read. But still: I've always fallen into this pattern. In high school, when I didn't want to face anyone, I read. Last summer, when I was getting homesick, and that Sabrina tried to fuck me over, I read. I read now everymoment I get. If I arrive to a house two minutes before my time, I read. In the morning, I'll get ready early to read. I'll read at night when I should be sleeping. I read During lunch and dinner. I even read when one of my clients is taking a nap (not one that I clean for). I take baths so I wont loose time reading while showering. I get stoned and read. I get drunk and read. I read in line while getting my food.
But anyway, that brings me to tonight, where I've taken a break on reading to write in this thing, this monstar, this dying passtime called livejournal.
Nothing to do tonight. I thought there might be, but I was wrong.