(no subject)
I'm a believer in Karma.
And it is for this reason, that right now I'm waiting for something really really really good to happen to me. This is because in the past week a lot of crappy crappy things have happened. I mean, don't get me wrong, not devastating things like people dying. But just generally irritating things.
Take MYO. I've played in that orchestra and endured Peter Bandy for 2 years now. In those years he's spat food on me, insulted my playing numerous times, laughed at me, made crude commments about me and generally treated me with little respect. And notwithstanding the fact that I've endured this and turned up dutifully week after week he insists on, every year, placing me in the very back of the violin section. This wouldn't bother me at all if I really deserved to be there, but in this case, I don't. This year I practiced my audition excerpts for about 3 months in advance. I listened to recordings, I worked on them with my teacher, and when the audition came around I wasn't even nervous because they were so well prepared. Yet the first week of myo found me sitting behind some 15 year olds at the back of the section again. So I've had it. I'm outta there.
Another crap thing is this inability to find work. I don't think it's a case of me being incompetent or unskilled, but merely bad luck. I put this down to the fact that I've applied for about 50 entities and not heard back from any of them. And on the off chance when I do find work, for example at this Music School and at Volumes, then they either don't ring me for weeks for lack of any students or they ring up and say they can't afford live music anymore (respectively). Moreover, that Arts Centre job was pretty much my dream job, one which I could actually work my way up in, in a field where I can see myself working for the rest of my life. And I didn't get that job either.
On top of this, I got offered a house in Brunswick to live in for cheap rent for a couple of months. But as I can't find work anywhere, naturally I can't afford it and had to turn it down.
And another thing- I have always been excited about going to university.. since about yr 10 I've dreamt about being able to play violin all the time and not have to conform to routines and assessments. But now for some reason I find myself apprehensive about it. I don't want to go somewhere where everyone is better than me and where everyone competes with me. I think also the fact that I have very little faith in my ability to find work as a musician makes me look at this like it is a pretty superfluous course really. But then at the same time, it's the only thing I want to do.
Finally this morning, I made myself a mama breakfast. It was layers and layers of different types of cereal, yoghurt, fruit and milk. Spectacular. I was carrying it carefully to the table, it slipped out of my hand, rebounded off the table, off the chair and landed face down on the floor. Breakfasty goo spread quickly into about a 2 metre radius. Then my dad told me off as I cleaned it.
Something good had better happen soon. The scales are being tipped too far to the crap side. Or maybe I'm just a spoilt brat like my mum says and I should just be happy with what I've got.
And it is for this reason, that right now I'm waiting for something really really really good to happen to me. This is because in the past week a lot of crappy crappy things have happened. I mean, don't get me wrong, not devastating things like people dying. But just generally irritating things.
Take MYO. I've played in that orchestra and endured Peter Bandy for 2 years now. In those years he's spat food on me, insulted my playing numerous times, laughed at me, made crude commments about me and generally treated me with little respect. And notwithstanding the fact that I've endured this and turned up dutifully week after week he insists on, every year, placing me in the very back of the violin section. This wouldn't bother me at all if I really deserved to be there, but in this case, I don't. This year I practiced my audition excerpts for about 3 months in advance. I listened to recordings, I worked on them with my teacher, and when the audition came around I wasn't even nervous because they were so well prepared. Yet the first week of myo found me sitting behind some 15 year olds at the back of the section again. So I've had it. I'm outta there.
Another crap thing is this inability to find work. I don't think it's a case of me being incompetent or unskilled, but merely bad luck. I put this down to the fact that I've applied for about 50 entities and not heard back from any of them. And on the off chance when I do find work, for example at this Music School and at Volumes, then they either don't ring me for weeks for lack of any students or they ring up and say they can't afford live music anymore (respectively). Moreover, that Arts Centre job was pretty much my dream job, one which I could actually work my way up in, in a field where I can see myself working for the rest of my life. And I didn't get that job either.
On top of this, I got offered a house in Brunswick to live in for cheap rent for a couple of months. But as I can't find work anywhere, naturally I can't afford it and had to turn it down.
And another thing- I have always been excited about going to university.. since about yr 10 I've dreamt about being able to play violin all the time and not have to conform to routines and assessments. But now for some reason I find myself apprehensive about it. I don't want to go somewhere where everyone is better than me and where everyone competes with me. I think also the fact that I have very little faith in my ability to find work as a musician makes me look at this like it is a pretty superfluous course really. But then at the same time, it's the only thing I want to do.
Finally this morning, I made myself a mama breakfast. It was layers and layers of different types of cereal, yoghurt, fruit and milk. Spectacular. I was carrying it carefully to the table, it slipped out of my hand, rebounded off the table, off the chair and landed face down on the floor. Breakfasty goo spread quickly into about a 2 metre radius. Then my dad told me off as I cleaned it.
Something good had better happen soon. The scales are being tipped too far to the crap side. Or maybe I'm just a spoilt brat like my mum says and I should just be happy with what I've got.