Insanity
What's new? Nothing really.
Melissa and I are still together.
I am still attending AA classes, but I am also enrolled in the Chemical Dependency Recovery Program for 2 weeks, from 8am-4:30pm. I will be done with that on the 30th of August. I figured it would be a good component to AA because it might help me with my managing my drinking a whole lot more considering AA is just a place for "war stories" and CDRP is a place where they "teach you how to fight a war", as a representative said. So yeah, I am doing that.
I went to kareoki last night with Jason. I didnt drink although I sort of wanted to. It was sort of fun but not as fun as when I am intoxicated. I dont think I am going to go to kareoki anymore if I am not going to drink. It just doesnt do anything for me anymore.
At this rate I will have to chill out on alot of places.
Ive kind of been stalling on getting a new ID card as well because I know that once I do that alcohol will be far more accessible. I guess I shouldnt be too worried about it. If there were anytime I was going to drink then last night would have been it but I didnt.
I also kind of stopped because the other day melissa kind of spoke to me about it, and I felt bad because I had been rather abrasive and short with her this past weekend when I was drunk at the bar. There have been at least 2 other occasions where I have been that way.
I dont know the point where I go from being a fun drunk to a complete asshole. I wish I really knew. Some people say that I should just learn to manage it but I think for the time being I should just quit entirely, although a part of me doesnt because I have fun when I drink.
Eh, Im also enrolled in some serious counseling. After today, btw, I guess I have some serious "abandonement issues" stemming from years past according to the counseling intake and I am sure that once the Me issue gets dug into deeper Im certain more crap will come out and then I will have a laundry list of things that are wrong with me.
I guess I am doing this because well, Im unemployed, I can afford to fix myself without having to take time off from this or that, not like it would matter anyways because ive never been employed for any great length of time...which my counselor says may be attributable to my battle with depression and how I probably needed something prescribed to me for a long time.
My Goal/Hope: I will be able to sufficiently fix myself so that I may become a productive citizen.
Quote of the day? "Life goes in circles. Some circles are just bigger than others." My friend's dad,cliff hillquist, said that to me regarding the tough spot I have found myself in, where everything feels like it is caving in. I mean, Ive battled depression for years anyways but now I got all of the struggles from the DUI and what not thrown into the pot, no car, no job, so on and so forth and it gets overwhelming sometimes. He said that a year from now I will look back on this with relief and as a lesson learned. I hope so. A year seems so far. But I do think he was right when he spoke about circles.
So yeah, no suprise to anyone. Im fucking crazy.
I guess I will just go off into a corner and masturbate in a pile of my own feces.
"WHATS IN THE BOX?! WHATS IN THE FUCKIN BOX?!"
Melissa and I are still together.
I am still attending AA classes, but I am also enrolled in the Chemical Dependency Recovery Program for 2 weeks, from 8am-4:30pm. I will be done with that on the 30th of August. I figured it would be a good component to AA because it might help me with my managing my drinking a whole lot more considering AA is just a place for "war stories" and CDRP is a place where they "teach you how to fight a war", as a representative said. So yeah, I am doing that.
I went to kareoki last night with Jason. I didnt drink although I sort of wanted to. It was sort of fun but not as fun as when I am intoxicated. I dont think I am going to go to kareoki anymore if I am not going to drink. It just doesnt do anything for me anymore.
At this rate I will have to chill out on alot of places.
Ive kind of been stalling on getting a new ID card as well because I know that once I do that alcohol will be far more accessible. I guess I shouldnt be too worried about it. If there were anytime I was going to drink then last night would have been it but I didnt.
I also kind of stopped because the other day melissa kind of spoke to me about it, and I felt bad because I had been rather abrasive and short with her this past weekend when I was drunk at the bar. There have been at least 2 other occasions where I have been that way.
I dont know the point where I go from being a fun drunk to a complete asshole. I wish I really knew. Some people say that I should just learn to manage it but I think for the time being I should just quit entirely, although a part of me doesnt because I have fun when I drink.
Eh, Im also enrolled in some serious counseling. After today, btw, I guess I have some serious "abandonement issues" stemming from years past according to the counseling intake and I am sure that once the Me issue gets dug into deeper Im certain more crap will come out and then I will have a laundry list of things that are wrong with me.
I guess I am doing this because well, Im unemployed, I can afford to fix myself without having to take time off from this or that, not like it would matter anyways because ive never been employed for any great length of time...which my counselor says may be attributable to my battle with depression and how I probably needed something prescribed to me for a long time.
My Goal/Hope: I will be able to sufficiently fix myself so that I may become a productive citizen.
Quote of the day? "Life goes in circles. Some circles are just bigger than others." My friend's dad,cliff hillquist, said that to me regarding the tough spot I have found myself in, where everything feels like it is caving in. I mean, Ive battled depression for years anyways but now I got all of the struggles from the DUI and what not thrown into the pot, no car, no job, so on and so forth and it gets overwhelming sometimes. He said that a year from now I will look back on this with relief and as a lesson learned. I hope so. A year seems so far. But I do think he was right when he spoke about circles.
So yeah, no suprise to anyone. Im fucking crazy.
I guess I will just go off into a corner and masturbate in a pile of my own feces.
"WHATS IN THE BOX?! WHATS IN THE FUCKIN BOX?!"