the reason for POPSLASH
I think I know why, after so many years after the breakups, popslash is still so addicting. This reason, folks, is becuase of Chris Kirkpatrick.
Yes, that's right. HIM! All his fault. Why? Because the dude is INSANE. ...Oh, and he's the guy in black, not the other guy. The other guy is John Kerry. You know, skinny guy who could have become President? Yeah, him. BUT CHRIS IS INSANE.
"Brian, Brian, Brian. Clearly no one has taught you better, since you haven't lived with me for the past seven years, but as the eldest person at this table, *I'm* the one who gets to act like a three-year-old. There shall be no whooping with joy, flinging of mashed vegetables, or reckless sexual abandon unless it is done by *me*."
Brian choked on his soda. "What kind of three-year-old," he asked, "*were* you?"
"Fuck that," Chris said. "What kind of 27-year-old are you?"
"Are you hitting on me?"
"Are you going to hit me if I say yes?"
--from The Saga of God boy and the Freak
Chris stared at the ceiling and tried to stop sweating. It was official. There was a sign on his forehead. Blinking neon. "Get sex here!" "For a good time, lick this man."
He sat up, rolling his shoulders, plucking a stray long, dark hair from his chest. Howie tended to shed during sex.
--from A Familiar Feeling
"I think Howie's stalking me." Chris said watching Lance closely for a reaction.
--from Clearly Interested
"Chris was nice," Howie stated quietly. "Insane, but nice."
--from Plan A
"Dude," Nick said," I think he's trying to kill me. He's always leaping out at me from corners or jumping on top of me, all poking me and shit. He tried to knock me over when I ran into him in this morning. I don't know what I did to him, but I'm sorry already. Kirkpatrick's a fucking lunatic."
"Is someone taking my name in vain?" Nick twitched. Chris leaned his elbows on Nick's shoulders. Nick shrugged violently, but Chris hung on, snaking an arm tightly around Nick's neck. "What, Nicky, you can't stand to be away from me for fifteen minutes? That's sweet. You missed me so much you had to come over here to see me."
-from Coldhearted
"Chicken butt," Chris says and kisses you fast. You weren't really expecting that, not really, though you figured out five years ago that Chris wasn't straight when you walked in on him going down on the van driver. You aren't even sure what's going on, but Chris is looking terrified, and you're suddenly thinking that his lips taste like potato chips.
--from Slimfast
“Fuck,” Chris hissed and stood up, cradling his injured hand to his body. “I just bought that goddamn thing. Fucking umbrella. Those things are instruments of death, I’m telling you. One false move and zap! Your life is toast.”
--from What He Wants
"Petty mortals!" Chris roared, and JC jumped back, knocking Justin off the couch and onto the floor of the bus. "You obviously don't get what I'm trying to say. The Cult of Lance rejects you, Flutter Boy, and you, Timberflake, for being stupid!"
--from Cult
Chris knew Lance had gotten lost but hadn’t told anybody. Lance was only driving because he’d lost at rock-paper-scissors. Plus, he knew how to drive a Yukon. Chris didn’t approve of sports utility vehicles. He was, at heart if not practice, an environmentalist, or so he claimed. Chris knew he was full of shit, but he really didn’t want to drive.
Lance drove like granny whenever he hit snow, hands at ten and two, eyes narrowed in search of deer or yetis, whichever came first. JC swore there were abominable snowmen in Wisconsin; somebody told him that at age seven and he’d never forgotten it. Chris didn’t have the heart to tell him that sometimes mean people lie to stupid little children to scare them.
--from Two Straight Guys in Wisconsin: The Amazing Adventures of Chris and His Cock
And there you have it folks. Proof that Chris Kirkpatrick is keeping the POPSLASH fandom alive all on his own.
Yes, that's right. HIM! All his fault. Why? Because the dude is INSANE. ...Oh, and he's the guy in black, not the other guy. The other guy is John Kerry. You know, skinny guy who could have become President? Yeah, him. BUT CHRIS IS INSANE.
"Brian, Brian, Brian. Clearly no one has taught you better, since you haven't lived with me for the past seven years, but as the eldest person at this table, *I'm* the one who gets to act like a three-year-old. There shall be no whooping with joy, flinging of mashed vegetables, or reckless sexual abandon unless it is done by *me*."
Brian choked on his soda. "What kind of three-year-old," he asked, "*were* you?"
"Fuck that," Chris said. "What kind of 27-year-old are you?"
"Are you hitting on me?"
"Are you going to hit me if I say yes?"
--from The Saga of God boy and the Freak
Chris stared at the ceiling and tried to stop sweating. It was official. There was a sign on his forehead. Blinking neon. "Get sex here!" "For a good time, lick this man."
He sat up, rolling his shoulders, plucking a stray long, dark hair from his chest. Howie tended to shed during sex.
--from A Familiar Feeling
"I think Howie's stalking me." Chris said watching Lance closely for a reaction.
--from Clearly Interested
"Chris was nice," Howie stated quietly. "Insane, but nice."
--from Plan A
"Dude," Nick said," I think he's trying to kill me. He's always leaping out at me from corners or jumping on top of me, all poking me and shit. He tried to knock me over when I ran into him in this morning. I don't know what I did to him, but I'm sorry already. Kirkpatrick's a fucking lunatic."
"Is someone taking my name in vain?" Nick twitched. Chris leaned his elbows on Nick's shoulders. Nick shrugged violently, but Chris hung on, snaking an arm tightly around Nick's neck. "What, Nicky, you can't stand to be away from me for fifteen minutes? That's sweet. You missed me so much you had to come over here to see me."
-from Coldhearted
"Chicken butt," Chris says and kisses you fast. You weren't really expecting that, not really, though you figured out five years ago that Chris wasn't straight when you walked in on him going down on the van driver. You aren't even sure what's going on, but Chris is looking terrified, and you're suddenly thinking that his lips taste like potato chips.
--from Slimfast
“Fuck,” Chris hissed and stood up, cradling his injured hand to his body. “I just bought that goddamn thing. Fucking umbrella. Those things are instruments of death, I’m telling you. One false move and zap! Your life is toast.”
--from What He Wants
"Petty mortals!" Chris roared, and JC jumped back, knocking Justin off the couch and onto the floor of the bus. "You obviously don't get what I'm trying to say. The Cult of Lance rejects you, Flutter Boy, and you, Timberflake, for being stupid!"
--from Cult
Chris knew Lance had gotten lost but hadn’t told anybody. Lance was only driving because he’d lost at rock-paper-scissors. Plus, he knew how to drive a Yukon. Chris didn’t approve of sports utility vehicles. He was, at heart if not practice, an environmentalist, or so he claimed. Chris knew he was full of shit, but he really didn’t want to drive.
Lance drove like granny whenever he hit snow, hands at ten and two, eyes narrowed in search of deer or yetis, whichever came first. JC swore there were abominable snowmen in Wisconsin; somebody told him that at age seven and he’d never forgotten it. Chris didn’t have the heart to tell him that sometimes mean people lie to stupid little children to scare them.
--from Two Straight Guys in Wisconsin: The Amazing Adventures of Chris and His Cock
And there you have it folks. Proof that Chris Kirkpatrick is keeping the POPSLASH fandom alive all on his own.