Friends?
Every once in a while I get this fear I'm gonna chase all my friends away. Not all of 'em, I guess, but mostly the new ones I've made here on the interwebs.
I was always moving and changing schools when growing up, so I guess I kinda got used to becoming detached from friends. It almost became a habit. You know how you have those friends you haven't seen for years, and you can pick right up and talk to 'em like the last time you saw 'em was yesterday? I have very few, maybe two or three like that.
Some times my irrational streak comes to the surface, and I'm afraid my bull-in-the-china-shop attitude comes out without me even knowing it. I'm a first child spoiled brat, and I guess I want things now, dammit, no matter whose feet I step on to get 'em. I'm kinda scared, especially with the way the internet works (what with not seeing facial expressions and hearing voice inflections) that I'll gradually snip away my new friends one-by-one with my brattitude and my old habit of being able to give up on friends who don't give me constant attention (or who simply fall by the wayside).
It's been a while since I've been here on LJ, and I feel like I'm neglecting new-found friendships. I'm sorry, it's an old habit. I'm becoming aware I really don't know how to make new friends that well. I guess I'm always scared they'll just up and disappear, so I often don't even make the initial effort to get to know people other than small talk.
It's kinda selfish, innit? I mean, since I guess I got used to friends disappearing when I was a kid, I kinda expect new friends to show a deeper immediate interest in me right off the bat, or I just don't take the time for 'em. It seems cold, but I kinda see myself doing that nowadays.
I was always moving and changing schools when growing up, so I guess I kinda got used to becoming detached from friends. It almost became a habit. You know how you have those friends you haven't seen for years, and you can pick right up and talk to 'em like the last time you saw 'em was yesterday? I have very few, maybe two or three like that.
Some times my irrational streak comes to the surface, and I'm afraid my bull-in-the-china-shop attitude comes out without me even knowing it. I'm a first child spoiled brat, and I guess I want things now, dammit, no matter whose feet I step on to get 'em. I'm kinda scared, especially with the way the internet works (what with not seeing facial expressions and hearing voice inflections) that I'll gradually snip away my new friends one-by-one with my brattitude and my old habit of being able to give up on friends who don't give me constant attention (or who simply fall by the wayside).
It's been a while since I've been here on LJ, and I feel like I'm neglecting new-found friendships. I'm sorry, it's an old habit. I'm becoming aware I really don't know how to make new friends that well. I guess I'm always scared they'll just up and disappear, so I often don't even make the initial effort to get to know people other than small talk.
It's kinda selfish, innit? I mean, since I guess I got used to friends disappearing when I was a kid, I kinda expect new friends to show a deeper immediate interest in me right off the bat, or I just don't take the time for 'em. It seems cold, but I kinda see myself doing that nowadays.