Introspection: How I Treat Friends
Recently I had a conversation with a friend of mine, who moved back here from a long ways away. He told me that as a friend I'm rather avoidant, and that for all of my friend making once people are out of sight they are out of mind. I know this to be true, and it is one of my less desirable attributes. I don't maintain long-distance friendships well, or even at all. And this has led to a lot of resentment from some people.
So I sat down and I thought about why I do this. Why is it that I sit in my house, like the queen of the universe and wait for my friends to come to me?
The answer: because I was raised that way.
When I was young, my family never traveled much. We rarely went to visit family members who had moved, even just to the other side of town. God forbid that we actually take the effort to drive to Milford to visit my other aunt and her family. That was just unthinkable. My God, I think it was only once in the whole time I lived with my folks that we ever did that. I went to my aunt and uncle's house out on the outskirts of town once, and I had to bike my ass there. It was exhausting and I gave it up immediately after that. The only place we ever really went on a regular basis was my grandmother's house for Sunday dinner after church, but she lived right next door, and it was practically an extension of our own house we were there so much as kids.
But we never took trips to visit my mom's family except for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Maybe once a year outside of holidays. We never went to my mom and dad's friends's houses.
Everyone always came to us. Our house was cool. The band practiced out in the barn we converted into a soundproof studio. We had impromptu hangout times all the time. People would just drop in, often unannounced and just see what we were up to.
I think that's the lifestyle that I've been perpetuating in my own adulthood. Have a kickass home, and stay there. My house is full of interesting things, entertaining diversions and some pretty hot and interesting people (if I do say so myself). So, I've fallen back into this behavior pattern of just letting it all come to me.
The same thing is kind of true of calling people. My mom was good about calling people, but my dad never called anyone hardly ever at all. Me, I suck about calling people. I guess I take after my dad in that way. I return calls, most of the time. Though sometimes I will text back instead of call back. I don't know why.
I don't think any of this behavior was consciously understood until fairly recently. I mean, I knew that I did this, but it never really occurred to me to examine why exactly I am this way. Will I make a conscious effort to change this behavior? Yes, I think I will. Will it stick? I don't know.
So I sat down and I thought about why I do this. Why is it that I sit in my house, like the queen of the universe and wait for my friends to come to me?
The answer: because I was raised that way.
When I was young, my family never traveled much. We rarely went to visit family members who had moved, even just to the other side of town. God forbid that we actually take the effort to drive to Milford to visit my other aunt and her family. That was just unthinkable. My God, I think it was only once in the whole time I lived with my folks that we ever did that. I went to my aunt and uncle's house out on the outskirts of town once, and I had to bike my ass there. It was exhausting and I gave it up immediately after that. The only place we ever really went on a regular basis was my grandmother's house for Sunday dinner after church, but she lived right next door, and it was practically an extension of our own house we were there so much as kids.
But we never took trips to visit my mom's family except for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Maybe once a year outside of holidays. We never went to my mom and dad's friends's houses.
Everyone always came to us. Our house was cool. The band practiced out in the barn we converted into a soundproof studio. We had impromptu hangout times all the time. People would just drop in, often unannounced and just see what we were up to.
I think that's the lifestyle that I've been perpetuating in my own adulthood. Have a kickass home, and stay there. My house is full of interesting things, entertaining diversions and some pretty hot and interesting people (if I do say so myself). So, I've fallen back into this behavior pattern of just letting it all come to me.
The same thing is kind of true of calling people. My mom was good about calling people, but my dad never called anyone hardly ever at all. Me, I suck about calling people. I guess I take after my dad in that way. I return calls, most of the time. Though sometimes I will text back instead of call back. I don't know why.
I don't think any of this behavior was consciously understood until fairly recently. I mean, I knew that I did this, but it never really occurred to me to examine why exactly I am this way. Will I make a conscious effort to change this behavior? Yes, I think I will. Will it stick? I don't know.