(no subject)
Ughhhh, ok something I dread is quickly coming up & that is me deciding on where to go to college. I think I found a great college I would like to go to.. & I have visited it's open house to take a look around & get a feel for the campus.. Problem is.. it's an hour & 45 minutes away =\. & according to what was said, freshman that live on campus are not allowed to have cars UNLESS they have papers to prove that they hold a job offcampus.
*Sigh* it made me really depressed at the thought of that. That would mean that I couldn't go home every weekend like I'd planned to to see Jeremy & my cats =\ .. The thought of that brought me to tears, it made me almost sure that if Jeremy & I had not broken up before school ended or over the summer, that we would definitely break up once I started college, this upset me greatly & made me almost not want to go to this college, I knew I had to overcome this fear & thankfully I have. I know Jeremy & I will try to make it work.. my dad is moving down to where my college is .. so I will most likely live with him & Jeremy & i both agreed that we'll go back & forth between weekends, he'll come down one weekend, & ill go up to see him the other. Which is good, because i'd miss that boy like CRAZY
This is going to take a hell of a lot of trust, & yes it will be hard for me, but it's something i'm going to have to accept & learn to do. I realize that we're probably not going to last forever, but just because that is likely doesnt mean our relationship will definitely never go past highschool, to say that would be extremely closed-minded & not only that... if we were so sure about that, then we may as well break up now so that it's easier to do when I leave. But no, neither of us feel that way & we both want this relationship to last as long as possible. I love him & i know he loves me, & if we last & end up getting married, then that's fantastic.. if we don't.. then it just wasnt meant to be.. but there's no sense in throwing our relationship away just b/c i will live 45 minutes away from him.. & there's no sense in throwing my college plans away because of my relationship that isnt guaranteed to last either.
All in all it still scares me, this college thing.. I don't like the idea of it.. it's not like highschool where I'm going to walk in on my first day & see who's in my class that I know & talk to.. no, im not going to know anybody.. i'm going to have to make all new friends & everything will be different, i may or may not have to dorm, I don't know.. *sigh* everything is so new to me & I just am really afraid of the future.
*Sigh* it made me really depressed at the thought of that. That would mean that I couldn't go home every weekend like I'd planned to to see Jeremy & my cats =\ .. The thought of that brought me to tears, it made me almost sure that if Jeremy & I had not broken up before school ended or over the summer, that we would definitely break up once I started college, this upset me greatly & made me almost not want to go to this college, I knew I had to overcome this fear & thankfully I have. I know Jeremy & I will try to make it work.. my dad is moving down to where my college is .. so I will most likely live with him & Jeremy & i both agreed that we'll go back & forth between weekends, he'll come down one weekend, & ill go up to see him the other. Which is good, because i'd miss that boy like CRAZY
This is going to take a hell of a lot of trust, & yes it will be hard for me, but it's something i'm going to have to accept & learn to do. I realize that we're probably not going to last forever, but just because that is likely doesnt mean our relationship will definitely never go past highschool, to say that would be extremely closed-minded & not only that... if we were so sure about that, then we may as well break up now so that it's easier to do when I leave. But no, neither of us feel that way & we both want this relationship to last as long as possible. I love him & i know he loves me, & if we last & end up getting married, then that's fantastic.. if we don't.. then it just wasnt meant to be.. but there's no sense in throwing our relationship away just b/c i will live 45 minutes away from him.. & there's no sense in throwing my college plans away because of my relationship that isnt guaranteed to last either.
All in all it still scares me, this college thing.. I don't like the idea of it.. it's not like highschool where I'm going to walk in on my first day & see who's in my class that I know & talk to.. no, im not going to know anybody.. i'm going to have to make all new friends & everything will be different, i may or may not have to dorm, I don't know.. *sigh* everything is so new to me & I just am really afraid of the future.