crazy
i wanted to drink... for like 4 days in a row. one of my girls called me and told me that she wasn't sure if she was an alcoholic, she's too young to be sober, maybe it was just a phase... i said all the right stuff. go to a meeting. try to play out what would happen if you drank. call your sponsor. and in my head... i'm thinkin, yeah, you're right. i'm too young to be clean. it probably was just a phase. do i really know what would happen if i went out? who turns 21 and doesn't drink?
i felt like shit for 4 days in a row... but called my sponsor constantly and went to a meeting every day and tried to stay on top of my shit. i told my sponsor what i was thinking, and she assured me that i'm an addict. apparently thinking "man, if i could use like a normal person, i'd be loaded every day" isn't actually how normal people think.
you know what i forgot to do? fucking pray. i had gotten so far away from how simple this fucking program is that it didn't even occur to me to ask god to relieve the obsession.
so i went to the beach... i prayed and counted waves... and i could feel the weight come off my shoulders. i just keep praying and finally got a sponsor that lives here (since my other 2 -i'm greedy- live at opposite ends of the state). she gave me assignments yesterday. i have to write a letter. i guess it's a good idea. whatever- she knows better than i do. i still feel crazy, but i'm not gonna get drunk... and i guess that's what matters.
on a lighter note, woody took me on the harley up to atascadero last night and it was beautiful... such a good night for a ride.
sorry for rambling.
i felt like shit for 4 days in a row... but called my sponsor constantly and went to a meeting every day and tried to stay on top of my shit. i told my sponsor what i was thinking, and she assured me that i'm an addict. apparently thinking "man, if i could use like a normal person, i'd be loaded every day" isn't actually how normal people think.
you know what i forgot to do? fucking pray. i had gotten so far away from how simple this fucking program is that it didn't even occur to me to ask god to relieve the obsession.
so i went to the beach... i prayed and counted waves... and i could feel the weight come off my shoulders. i just keep praying and finally got a sponsor that lives here (since my other 2 -i'm greedy- live at opposite ends of the state). she gave me assignments yesterday. i have to write a letter. i guess it's a good idea. whatever- she knows better than i do. i still feel crazy, but i'm not gonna get drunk... and i guess that's what matters.
on a lighter note, woody took me on the harley up to atascadero last night and it was beautiful... such a good night for a ride.
sorry for rambling.