"What Are You, Bisexual?" Episode 1
This week I formally became apprenticed to Ava on her radio show to which I'd been a guest on the last two shows. This means I, next semester, will be a DJ on WHRW 90.5FM Binghamton. I already have a handle, Joe Rude, and Ava immediatly requsitioned me to write a weekly segment called "What Are You, Bisexual?" on which I satirically critisize a subject. I liked it so much I decided I'm gonna copy it here...
WARNING--The following is a satirical segment and in now way reflects the views of the DJ, WHRW or any station members, or even the author himself. We therefore advise you to relax and laugh heartily as your resident Ska Boss Joe Rude asks the question...
What Are You, Bisexual?
Tonight! on the first "What Are You, Bisexual?" we have the Binghamton Bearcat--is it a bear or a cat? For a Division I State University without a football team, I'd think we'd want to minimize the damage to our image instead of declaring our mascot to be some mythical, highly ambiguous creature such as the bearcat. I mean, come on: even Napoleon Dynamite's 'liger' at least had a gender. How are the Jocks of Binghamton University supposed to feel manly with the image of a cross-bred anime fan's RPG fantasy emblazoned on their atheletic gear? And don't even get me started about the Lady Bearcats...
Look at some of the other teams out there: The Seahawks, no problem. You don't wonder if they're a sea or a hawk, it's obvious. You may wonder about some of the players, but hey--they're from Seattle. How about the Philadelphia Phillies? No ambiguity there, they say it straight out: they're Phillies! You can't even critisize the Mets: Mets, short for Metropolitans, aka Metros... That's all they are! Come on, tell me that Mike Piazza doesn't care more about his looks than his game...
What we have, my fellow 'bearcats', is in essence a juxtaposition of the masculine and the feminine. We have the Bear--strong, fierce, threatening. Defends his home and family as any man would. Plus, the Bear eats fish! Then you have the cat--quiet, independent, meek, sneaky. They're either rubbing up against your leg and making noises or they're hissing and scratching at you! How like a woman, huh? And Cats, too, like eating fish which only further begs the question: Bearcats...
...What Are You, Bisexual?
WARNING--The following is a satirical segment and in now way reflects the views of the DJ, WHRW or any station members, or even the author himself. We therefore advise you to relax and laugh heartily as your resident Ska Boss Joe Rude asks the question...
What Are You, Bisexual?
Tonight! on the first "What Are You, Bisexual?" we have the Binghamton Bearcat--is it a bear or a cat? For a Division I State University without a football team, I'd think we'd want to minimize the damage to our image instead of declaring our mascot to be some mythical, highly ambiguous creature such as the bearcat. I mean, come on: even Napoleon Dynamite's 'liger' at least had a gender. How are the Jocks of Binghamton University supposed to feel manly with the image of a cross-bred anime fan's RPG fantasy emblazoned on their atheletic gear? And don't even get me started about the Lady Bearcats...
Look at some of the other teams out there: The Seahawks, no problem. You don't wonder if they're a sea or a hawk, it's obvious. You may wonder about some of the players, but hey--they're from Seattle. How about the Philadelphia Phillies? No ambiguity there, they say it straight out: they're Phillies! You can't even critisize the Mets: Mets, short for Metropolitans, aka Metros... That's all they are! Come on, tell me that Mike Piazza doesn't care more about his looks than his game...
What we have, my fellow 'bearcats', is in essence a juxtaposition of the masculine and the feminine. We have the Bear--strong, fierce, threatening. Defends his home and family as any man would. Plus, the Bear eats fish! Then you have the cat--quiet, independent, meek, sneaky. They're either rubbing up against your leg and making noises or they're hissing and scratching at you! How like a woman, huh? And Cats, too, like eating fish which only further begs the question: Bearcats...
...What Are You, Bisexual?