Thankful
Before I start off, I thought that I would note that this is only a repost. I need to get away from the cancer called Myspace. ugh. Here we go!
Thankful
Ah, the classic turkey day question. �What am I thankful for?� To tell you the truth, it is hard to come up with a good list this year. Yeah, there are the standard family, life, and food thanks that I have to give, but there is one that I wish I could be thankful for.
To tell you the truth, 48hrs ago I thought that I would be able to say I was thankful that I was in a relationship. I thought I could say that I was thankful that I have a person in my life that will love me through and through, no matter what happens. I thought I could be thankful that I was in a relationship with someone who I loved and would do anything, anytime, for. Fast-forward 48hrs later.
As I sit in my uncle�s white, sterile, hospital influenced house I finally, finally can stop and think. I thought that I would be able to stew over the subject while I partook in the four-hour drive to Port Angeles, things really didn�t worked out. No bother.
What the hell happened? How did things turn downward so fast? What the hell happened?
Was it me? Was it him? Was it just� us?
Who knows, who will ever know. I blamed myself for a few hours, trying to trace it back to the moment when I really fucked things up. I guess that I am to blame on several accounts. I shouldn�t have measured his participation in the relationship by how many double tall, five pumps of vanilla, soy lattes he purchased for himself rather than letting me cover the bill. I shouldn�t have talked to others to try and understand what I�m going through. I guess I screwed up.
Yeah, I screwed up, but I can�t simply blame myself and move on. I have to cope, I have to hurt, I have to grow. This is only going to make me stronger. Some may say that I�m a heartless asshole, but I like to think that I have heart. I haven�t shed a tear yet, but I feel so empty. So lost. So Alone.
But I have to move on.
I don�t think that it will ever be the same, between us that is. I will never be able to sit next to him and feel the same warmth that I felt for him these last few months. I won�t ever be able to look through the lens at the boy that one completed a part of me. It just won�t be the same way.
So what am I thankful for? I�m so thankful for those who have stayed close. For those who have sent me notes of sympathy to le tme know that they are here for me. I am thankful for the times where I was able to look at him and be able to think �He�s mine.� I�m thankful for the times when we would look at each other and smile, both thinking that it would never happen, but that it did. I�m thankful for those genuine moments, those genuine friends, and the genuine love that I have felt from those around me.
Damn. I�m not gonna sheed a tear over this. It would be worth it, but I have to be thankful for what I have
Thankful
Ah, the classic turkey day question. �What am I thankful for?� To tell you the truth, it is hard to come up with a good list this year. Yeah, there are the standard family, life, and food thanks that I have to give, but there is one that I wish I could be thankful for.
To tell you the truth, 48hrs ago I thought that I would be able to say I was thankful that I was in a relationship. I thought I could say that I was thankful that I have a person in my life that will love me through and through, no matter what happens. I thought I could be thankful that I was in a relationship with someone who I loved and would do anything, anytime, for. Fast-forward 48hrs later.
As I sit in my uncle�s white, sterile, hospital influenced house I finally, finally can stop and think. I thought that I would be able to stew over the subject while I partook in the four-hour drive to Port Angeles, things really didn�t worked out. No bother.
What the hell happened? How did things turn downward so fast? What the hell happened?
Was it me? Was it him? Was it just� us?
Who knows, who will ever know. I blamed myself for a few hours, trying to trace it back to the moment when I really fucked things up. I guess that I am to blame on several accounts. I shouldn�t have measured his participation in the relationship by how many double tall, five pumps of vanilla, soy lattes he purchased for himself rather than letting me cover the bill. I shouldn�t have talked to others to try and understand what I�m going through. I guess I screwed up.
Yeah, I screwed up, but I can�t simply blame myself and move on. I have to cope, I have to hurt, I have to grow. This is only going to make me stronger. Some may say that I�m a heartless asshole, but I like to think that I have heart. I haven�t shed a tear yet, but I feel so empty. So lost. So Alone.
But I have to move on.
I don�t think that it will ever be the same, between us that is. I will never be able to sit next to him and feel the same warmth that I felt for him these last few months. I won�t ever be able to look through the lens at the boy that one completed a part of me. It just won�t be the same way.
So what am I thankful for? I�m so thankful for those who have stayed close. For those who have sent me notes of sympathy to le tme know that they are here for me. I am thankful for the times where I was able to look at him and be able to think �He�s mine.� I�m thankful for the times when we would look at each other and smile, both thinking that it would never happen, but that it did. I�m thankful for those genuine moments, those genuine friends, and the genuine love that I have felt from those around me.
Damn. I�m not gonna sheed a tear over this. It would be worth it, but I have to be thankful for what I have