Coping--Through the Weekend w/o the ER
Staying hydrated as best as I can, I've managed to avoid another repeat visit to the ER this weekend. I've spent too much time at hospitals lately, and as interesting as they can be, I don't like being on the patient end of things.
The pain is fairly intense, and I'm getting very little sleep. However, I've learned so many good coping techniques that have allowed me, for the most part, to remain calm and focused. Although this is a situation that cannot be wished away, every tool I can use to help I try to employ.
Of course, the major irony is that sometimes depressing health news can leave one mentally more buoyant, as happened to me. Why? Because any answer can be appreciated after years and years of being led to believe my symptoms weren't real.
I blamed myself for refusing to ignore pain and illness that were assumed not to be physical in origin (because no one could find out the reasons for the situation). When I could not ignore it, I started learning all kinds of mental practices and disciplines in an attempt to control myself. While incorporating some healthy mental habits helped overall in terms of well-being, they did nothing to change the tide of health issues that just kept growing.
It turns out, I've been ill for years. At the very basic level, my GI system does not work correctly, and it's doubtful that I ever was getting the basic nutrition I really needed. From there, the health issues became more complex.
For a while it seemed I was just accumulating unrelated diagnoses. I thought, "How in the world can one person have all of these?" One acquaintance suggested it was karma I had to work through, predicted a time it would all clear up and was wrong. Funny, I haven't heard from that person since.
Actually, there are many people I haven't heard from. But that's OK. My world has revolved around trying to get better, and losing people who turned out to be fair-weather friends is just not going to get me down--at least, not for long. Others, who have simply become overwhelmed with their own lives as I've been overwhelmed with mine, I will be happy to greet again in the future should we reconnect.
Why am I a happier person in spite of all of this? First and foremost, the love of a wonderful person and life mate makes every burden easier to handle and every victory much more sweet. Second, what I thought were separate diagnoses that made no sense turn out to be correlated for a small percentage of people. Just knowing that makes it all more understandable. Third, I have been vindicated.
Relearning how to trust myself, I am still stunned by the amount of negative self-talk all these years of not being taken seriously generated. Now, I just need to be able to attend to the business of getting as much of my health back as possible. Hopefully, then I will be able to return my attention to so many aspects of life and career that I used to take for granted.
The pain is fairly intense, and I'm getting very little sleep. However, I've learned so many good coping techniques that have allowed me, for the most part, to remain calm and focused. Although this is a situation that cannot be wished away, every tool I can use to help I try to employ.
Of course, the major irony is that sometimes depressing health news can leave one mentally more buoyant, as happened to me. Why? Because any answer can be appreciated after years and years of being led to believe my symptoms weren't real.
I blamed myself for refusing to ignore pain and illness that were assumed not to be physical in origin (because no one could find out the reasons for the situation). When I could not ignore it, I started learning all kinds of mental practices and disciplines in an attempt to control myself. While incorporating some healthy mental habits helped overall in terms of well-being, they did nothing to change the tide of health issues that just kept growing.
It turns out, I've been ill for years. At the very basic level, my GI system does not work correctly, and it's doubtful that I ever was getting the basic nutrition I really needed. From there, the health issues became more complex.
For a while it seemed I was just accumulating unrelated diagnoses. I thought, "How in the world can one person have all of these?" One acquaintance suggested it was karma I had to work through, predicted a time it would all clear up and was wrong. Funny, I haven't heard from that person since.
Actually, there are many people I haven't heard from. But that's OK. My world has revolved around trying to get better, and losing people who turned out to be fair-weather friends is just not going to get me down--at least, not for long. Others, who have simply become overwhelmed with their own lives as I've been overwhelmed with mine, I will be happy to greet again in the future should we reconnect.
Why am I a happier person in spite of all of this? First and foremost, the love of a wonderful person and life mate makes every burden easier to handle and every victory much more sweet. Second, what I thought were separate diagnoses that made no sense turn out to be correlated for a small percentage of people. Just knowing that makes it all more understandable. Third, I have been vindicated.
Relearning how to trust myself, I am still stunned by the amount of negative self-talk all these years of not being taken seriously generated. Now, I just need to be able to attend to the business of getting as much of my health back as possible. Hopefully, then I will be able to return my attention to so many aspects of life and career that I used to take for granted.