My apologies
Friends, I am sorry that I cause such a shit storm when I post. I post because I have no one else to talk to. My husband doesn't live with me anymore and had been even planning to get his own apartment when were supposed to be in reconciliation counseling.
Yes. I am very, very ill now. I got carted away in a police car for an involuntary commitment. Fortunately they let me go. I need people to say, "It's OK. You're OK." and all that stuff because I'm having a really hard time believing it. At the program they ask you for something to be grateful for, a goal, and an affirmation. I have none. Sometimes my kids. Sometimes I'm so out of it I have nothing to say. I've had to tell two children that their father left because they stopped loving me. I am the defect. Not them. So I'm sorry if I have self pity. I am sorry if I have no feelings of worth. I'm sorry if I should just pull myself up by my bootstraps and get my head out of my ass. I will when I can, I assure you, but right now I CANNOT. Period.
So, I will no longer use Livejournal as a place to vent or to open up what's going through my head. It's so jumbled and confused inside I can make any sense of what's going on which is why sometimes my posts seem all over the place. Thank you for those who have taken the time to give me what strength they have to spare. No thank you to those who yelled at me and told me, in one way or another (not you Rick) to get over it and move on.
ETA: Oh, and I forgot to tell you one of the reasons I can't just get over it. My husband left me on our anniversary.
Yes. I am very, very ill now. I got carted away in a police car for an involuntary commitment. Fortunately they let me go. I need people to say, "It's OK. You're OK." and all that stuff because I'm having a really hard time believing it. At the program they ask you for something to be grateful for, a goal, and an affirmation. I have none. Sometimes my kids. Sometimes I'm so out of it I have nothing to say. I've had to tell two children that their father left because they stopped loving me. I am the defect. Not them. So I'm sorry if I have self pity. I am sorry if I have no feelings of worth. I'm sorry if I should just pull myself up by my bootstraps and get my head out of my ass. I will when I can, I assure you, but right now I CANNOT. Period.
So, I will no longer use Livejournal as a place to vent or to open up what's going through my head. It's so jumbled and confused inside I can make any sense of what's going on which is why sometimes my posts seem all over the place. Thank you for those who have taken the time to give me what strength they have to spare. No thank you to those who yelled at me and told me, in one way or another (not you Rick) to get over it and move on.
ETA: Oh, and I forgot to tell you one of the reasons I can't just get over it. My husband left me on our anniversary.