(no subject)
well it looks like I'm going to have to find something to do. I wish i could bring myself to become friends again with all the people I lost while I was with Angel. Yichao's message helped a lot and he's right, don't stop. I want to keep learning and keep growing until I am satisfied and then do it all over again. This is my time to shine. The thing is, I hope my friends will forgive me for almost two years of neglect. I guess that's the bad thing about having a boyfriend. I guess the friends that are true will stay true and the friends that weren't really friends will just dissolve into memories. I can't help having this overwhelming feeling of fucking myself up though. I want to do the worst drugs and drink the worst liquor until i am comfortably numb, as pink floyd would say. I guess life can be lonely, and a bitch, but right now I'm just going to have to keep swimming. I have the potential to be anything in this world that I would dream to be. The hard part is deciding what to do and where to do it. Ends up, the school i picked to go to next year, the University of Arizona, was the best choice. It will be a new start for me. I'm just afraid of being alone. . .
But fear can't stop me. I guess what I have to do is try to be strong. Fake it till I make it. I have so many ideas coming but my organization skills are ailed by my flying emotions. It's almost too much sometimes. That's why i wish i could just turn myself off for a few minutes, but when that happens that when all the old emotions role in like a dust storm and overwhelm me until i cannot see clearly. So until I fade away I should keep trying as hard as I can and just keep truckin'. I think this could be a start to a new beginning. But aren't all good endings just good beginnings?
So until then this is what i need:
1. Schedule and fix up for my truck.
2. Try not to be so mean to my mom.
3. Maybe try to start having a relationship with my dad.
4. I wish that things will work out the way that is planned for me.
But fear can't stop me. I guess what I have to do is try to be strong. Fake it till I make it. I have so many ideas coming but my organization skills are ailed by my flying emotions. It's almost too much sometimes. That's why i wish i could just turn myself off for a few minutes, but when that happens that when all the old emotions role in like a dust storm and overwhelm me until i cannot see clearly. So until I fade away I should keep trying as hard as I can and just keep truckin'. I think this could be a start to a new beginning. But aren't all good endings just good beginnings?
So until then this is what i need:
1. Schedule and fix up for my truck.
2. Try not to be so mean to my mom.
3. Maybe try to start having a relationship with my dad.
4. I wish that things will work out the way that is planned for me.