chuck norris facts
a wonderful co-worker of mine today introduced me to the website www.chucknorrisfacts.com and I have to say, it's fucking awesome. for one, chuck norris is sweet, and two, it's hilarious. here are some of my favorite chuck norris facts--
-the chief export of chuck norris is pain.
-chuck norris has two speeds. walk and kill.
-there is no theory of evolution. just a list of animals chuck norris has allowed to live.
-chuck norris is the reason why waldo is hiding.
-crop circle are chuck norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-chuck norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-chuck norris can win a game of connect four in three moves.
-fool me once, shame on you. fool chuck norris once and he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
-teenage mutant ninja turtles is based on a true story: chuck norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
-chuck norris is not hung like a horse. horses are hung like chuck norris.
-chuck norris can divide by zero.
-wilt chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. chuck norris call this "a slow tuesday".
-chuck norris always knows the exact location of carmen sandiego.
-chuck norris and mr. t walked into a bar. the bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
-superman once watched an episode of walker, texas ranger. he then cried himself to sleep.
-it's widely believed that jesus was chuck norris' stunt double for the crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce chuck norris' skin.
-as a teen, chuck norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of tuscany. nin months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 miami dolphins, the only undefeated and united team in professional football history.
-chuck norris recently had the idea to sell his urnine as a canned beverage. we know this beverage as red bull.
-when chuck norris says "more cowbell", he means it.
-when god said, "let there be light", chuck norris said, "say 'please'."
-everybody loves raymond. except chuck norris.
-a handicapped parking sign does not signify that this pot is for handicapped people. it is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to chuck norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
the sad thing isn't that i'm so easily amused by this, it is that there are 1,000 times more facts on the website than what i posted. go there if you want a good laugh.
things have been going well latley, nothing toooo exciting. went out with jessie on friday, which was a grrreat time. mongolian barbeque is always a great time and the fact she's never been there was even better. oh, and i forgot--
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSIE!
even though this is late, you get the point.
it's 70 degrees out. such a cock tease considering it's suppose to be 31 and snowing tomorrow. fucking michigan.
and that's all for now. i think i might take a nice long nap after work. i can't wait!
-the chief export of chuck norris is pain.
-chuck norris has two speeds. walk and kill.
-there is no theory of evolution. just a list of animals chuck norris has allowed to live.
-chuck norris is the reason why waldo is hiding.
-crop circle are chuck norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
-chuck norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
-chuck norris can win a game of connect four in three moves.
-fool me once, shame on you. fool chuck norris once and he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
-teenage mutant ninja turtles is based on a true story: chuck norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
-chuck norris is not hung like a horse. horses are hung like chuck norris.
-chuck norris can divide by zero.
-wilt chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. chuck norris call this "a slow tuesday".
-chuck norris always knows the exact location of carmen sandiego.
-chuck norris and mr. t walked into a bar. the bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
-superman once watched an episode of walker, texas ranger. he then cried himself to sleep.
-it's widely believed that jesus was chuck norris' stunt double for the crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce chuck norris' skin.
-as a teen, chuck norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of tuscany. nin months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 miami dolphins, the only undefeated and united team in professional football history.
-chuck norris recently had the idea to sell his urnine as a canned beverage. we know this beverage as red bull.
-when chuck norris says "more cowbell", he means it.
-when god said, "let there be light", chuck norris said, "say 'please'."
-everybody loves raymond. except chuck norris.
-a handicapped parking sign does not signify that this pot is for handicapped people. it is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to chuck norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
the sad thing isn't that i'm so easily amused by this, it is that there are 1,000 times more facts on the website than what i posted. go there if you want a good laugh.
things have been going well latley, nothing toooo exciting. went out with jessie on friday, which was a grrreat time. mongolian barbeque is always a great time and the fact she's never been there was even better. oh, and i forgot--
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSIE!
even though this is late, you get the point.
it's 70 degrees out. such a cock tease considering it's suppose to be 31 and snowing tomorrow. fucking michigan.
and that's all for now. i think i might take a nice long nap after work. i can't wait!