All fired up...
Where to even begin... typically I'm all about using twitter as a way to journal and vent when I'm feeling a certain particular way but today has tried my patience in regards to the people in my life and 140 characters is just not going to cut it. Over the years I've kept a small circle of friends that I've met over the course of high school (which is most of my circle) and a few people from college and twitter.
Now I don't pretend to be an expert in relationships or life in general (obviously I've had my own existential crisis) but I'd like to think that I'm not completely stupid or naive. I get that most of us make decisions based on our life decisions and the kind of person we are but there is such a thing as being too forgiving and just plain stupid. I have two close friends that just drive me up a fucking wall with the kind of men they pursue and then complain about when shit happens. Like really?! Is this really surprising to you? All these failed relationships and you still don't know how to see the red flags.
I'll be honest. I don't date. I have no interest in dating. I'm way too cynical and turned off by what I see in people... what I see in myself. And then I see the people I care about just constantly going back to people that are so broken and are so caught up in this idea that if I stay long enough, show them I love them they'll one day love me too. Wow... really? After 3 years... cheating, lying, disappearing, and just using you, you still hold on the "what if". After all the heartache HOW? I get it. I'm not heartless... I've loved before. I spent a good 5 years stupidly in love with someone who would NEVER look at me all the way though my Sophomore year in college before I realized I was in love with the idea of him. That was unreciprocated love so to have someone hurt me I couldn't stand for it and haven't stood by it. We're all definitely different but sometimes it's so hard to understand people's reasoning.
More than anything I'm just disappointed and I don't want to get caught up in their issues because I have a habit of caring too much about those closest to me when they have problems like this but I'm more than likely going to have to set boundaries if they're going down that slippery slope again. I'm not doing it. You hurt for them but when they actively go poking the issue than I'm sorry but no can do. I know it may seem like I'm blowing this out of proportion but there's so many layers to this bullshit that I don't even know where to start writing it down.
So short version (names changed of course) ... Sam started dating this guy Dan three years ago and you can say that it started as a whirlwind romance. They knew each through Sam's ex husband (Dan used to be friends with her ex) and she told me she had always found him attractive when she was younger but, of course, never really did anything because she was married. Fast forward the time, they bump into each other and he shows interest which she is excited about. So it begins... it was good when it started but they rushed it by moving in with each other only after 2 or 3 months of dating. The move was too quick and way too many stresses happened in the relationship early on that ended up badly for both (she lost her job, couldn't continue school, fell into a nasty depression) and only he was working on top of dealing with her constantly accusing him of shit. They both massively screwed up on top of being two fundamentally different people; 1) both were from different religions and firmly believed in them, 2) both have very different views of money, and 3) he was not on board with hardcore commitment (marriage, kids, etc.) but she desperately wants that. They were together on and off for maybe a year but the constant back and forth last for 3.
Fast foward to this year... Sam and Dan hadn't talked in a few months because he lead her on and then blind sided her with a new girl friend, news of a pregnancy, and an engagement. Yeah... my friend was devastated because those are all the things she had wanted but he was now giving them to a girl he had only know for 3 months (?). She moved states to start grad school and a new job... I was really proud of her. She was finally doing things for herself and then last night... she contacted him. For "closure". Get the fuck out with that shit. I don't believe that one bit because they did more than talk. I called her out on that shit. A mi nadie me hace pendeja (I with LJ or my laptop would stop trying to autocorrect my spanish). And yes... she moved but he now lives in her same city too. Honestly I'm not surprised it happened still doesn't make it an less disappointing.
But get this... she did all of this while one of her friends is visiting out of town and staying with her. Wow that's just... rude? WTF? You have all this time in the world to pull that shit and you do that when you have visit from out of town. Real classy. *sigh* okay vent over. I just needed this out of my system. What a Monday.
Now I don't pretend to be an expert in relationships or life in general (obviously I've had my own existential crisis) but I'd like to think that I'm not completely stupid or naive. I get that most of us make decisions based on our life decisions and the kind of person we are but there is such a thing as being too forgiving and just plain stupid. I have two close friends that just drive me up a fucking wall with the kind of men they pursue and then complain about when shit happens. Like really?! Is this really surprising to you? All these failed relationships and you still don't know how to see the red flags.
I'll be honest. I don't date. I have no interest in dating. I'm way too cynical and turned off by what I see in people... what I see in myself. And then I see the people I care about just constantly going back to people that are so broken and are so caught up in this idea that if I stay long enough, show them I love them they'll one day love me too. Wow... really? After 3 years... cheating, lying, disappearing, and just using you, you still hold on the "what if". After all the heartache HOW? I get it. I'm not heartless... I've loved before. I spent a good 5 years stupidly in love with someone who would NEVER look at me all the way though my Sophomore year in college before I realized I was in love with the idea of him. That was unreciprocated love so to have someone hurt me I couldn't stand for it and haven't stood by it. We're all definitely different but sometimes it's so hard to understand people's reasoning.
More than anything I'm just disappointed and I don't want to get caught up in their issues because I have a habit of caring too much about those closest to me when they have problems like this but I'm more than likely going to have to set boundaries if they're going down that slippery slope again. I'm not doing it. You hurt for them but when they actively go poking the issue than I'm sorry but no can do. I know it may seem like I'm blowing this out of proportion but there's so many layers to this bullshit that I don't even know where to start writing it down.
So short version (names changed of course) ... Sam started dating this guy Dan three years ago and you can say that it started as a whirlwind romance. They knew each through Sam's ex husband (Dan used to be friends with her ex) and she told me she had always found him attractive when she was younger but, of course, never really did anything because she was married. Fast forward the time, they bump into each other and he shows interest which she is excited about. So it begins... it was good when it started but they rushed it by moving in with each other only after 2 or 3 months of dating. The move was too quick and way too many stresses happened in the relationship early on that ended up badly for both (she lost her job, couldn't continue school, fell into a nasty depression) and only he was working on top of dealing with her constantly accusing him of shit. They both massively screwed up on top of being two fundamentally different people; 1) both were from different religions and firmly believed in them, 2) both have very different views of money, and 3) he was not on board with hardcore commitment (marriage, kids, etc.) but she desperately wants that. They were together on and off for maybe a year but the constant back and forth last for 3.
Fast foward to this year... Sam and Dan hadn't talked in a few months because he lead her on and then blind sided her with a new girl friend, news of a pregnancy, and an engagement. Yeah... my friend was devastated because those are all the things she had wanted but he was now giving them to a girl he had only know for 3 months (?). She moved states to start grad school and a new job... I was really proud of her. She was finally doing things for herself and then last night... she contacted him. For "closure". Get the fuck out with that shit. I don't believe that one bit because they did more than talk. I called her out on that shit. A mi nadie me hace pendeja (I with LJ or my laptop would stop trying to autocorrect my spanish). And yes... she moved but he now lives in her same city too. Honestly I'm not surprised it happened still doesn't make it an less disappointing.
But get this... she did all of this while one of her friends is visiting out of town and staying with her. Wow that's just... rude? WTF? You have all this time in the world to pull that shit and you do that when you have visit from out of town. Real classy. *sigh* okay vent over. I just needed this out of my system. What a Monday.