(no subject)
i could live in europe for the rest of my life. im not homesick one bit. im sick of my roommates, some of them, but im not home sick. there are people at home who i kinda would appreciate seeing, especially late at night when im sleepy, or when im especially lonely. but lonliness here is just the same as at home. you call the same people, do the same things online and sometimes you even write about it in here. so there's not really anything different about me being here.
except for that its here. there is so much opportunity in every single action i take here. its overwhelming, but not that strange. i dont know. i just feel fresher here. like im a new me because i can choose to step outside of myself for a while, and still have that security blanket to grab on to.
i dont think i'll ever live in italy. at least not southern italy. not that i dont like italy, or rome for that matter, just that there really is so much more to see. i'd love to see ireland, really see it, more than just the day im planning, and england and scotland and france for real. and then i want to go to egypt and cambodia and laos and nepal. and i want to know them.
i'd love to take a trip like ross did. fuck i'd love to be him. i miss hanging out with that kid...though i dont think he was ever as into it as i was. :/ i could send him a message but...what's the point?
thats the defeatist attitude im trying to leave behind. because making an effort really is two sided. i cant always be the one sitting and waiting for the other person to make the first move. but i would love to see ireland. and travel to the east like he did. im jealous of him.
switzerland with sarah and paolo and marky mark would be amazing. if we just rented a car and drove up. saw interlachen and bern and geneva and stopped in milan and lake como on the way home. it would be...the trip of a lifetime. until spain the next weekend... :)
im still in love with mark...and joe. oh oh...