Every other weekend
I feel normal.
Two weeks ago, Sarah came to town for Thanksgiving. Thursday was nice; despite snow in Chicago, her flight was on time. I took her home and waited for family to arrive. I introduced her to my extended family, of which there were about 18 attending at some point during the day. I don't handle crowds like that well, especially when the basement is cordoned off due to small children attempting to roll down the stairs. I was a little freaky, but thankfully Sarah didn't get weirded out by my social anxiety. We called it a fairly early night since neither of us had slept much (she, in particular, had been awake for about 30 hours at that point).
Friday we took it easy. We were four episodes behind on Genshiken, so we watched all of that. We played some Rock Band in the afternoon and then went down to hang out with Eric and Jessi, bringing Rock Band with us. Obento-ya was the choice for dinner, and a fine choice it was! I would gladly go back there any time anyone suggested it. It's inexpensive and you get a lot of delicious food for your money. We played Rock Band with the four of us, then Eric and I tried out Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles. After that we all watched Shinesman (which is always a good time) and called it a night.
Saturday there was DDR and Rock Band. We went shopping after a nice lunch at Perkins due to a lack of food in the house. I think we played Guitar Hero 3 on saturday in co-op mode since I had finally gotten a second guitar, but maybe that was friday... We watched Animaniacs at one point too. I don't really clearly remember what happened that day... Maybe I'm confusing some of Friday's events with Saturday. Curse my failing memory... I'm getting more and more frustrated with this all the time. It used to be impeccable, but now it is becoming very obviously flawed... I do remember that we watched football for most of the day Sunday, and that my parents took us out to Red Robin for dinner after going to visit my grandma in the hospital.
The weekend between there was snow. I was frustrated to no end. To make things worse, my grandma was getting a lot worse. It was a pretty crappy weekend.
Last weekend was nice however. I went to Chicago and once again had no delay from NWA. It's amazing how they can be on time if they actually make an effort at it. I hope it keeps up even after the holiday travel rush. I arrived at 8:15, just a little early. Sarah picked me up and took me to a little trendy Korean restaurant for dinner. It was pretty good, but a little pricey. We went to a theater to see Mystery Science Theater 3000 (the movie), but it was closed due to a gas leak so we just headed back home and cuddled on the couch until bed.
Saturday we got up late and puttered around the house for a bit. I was feeling kind of sick so I fell asleep on the couch while she was getting ready to go. We headed downtown and it took forever to find a parking spot. One thing I hate the most about Chicago is the lack of public parking anywhere you go. After finally finding a spot, we hopped on the train and rode the last couple of miles into downtown to go to the Christkindlemarket. At least, I assume it's all one word since it's German. We ate some nice authentic German food (braten mit sauerkraut, mmm). I wound up finding some gifts for my family members and she did as well. It was nice, but we were totally freezing by the end of it. After a couple hours of that, we went walking down Michigan Avenue to do some more shopping/idea hunting. We stopped at a bunch of stores and I got a few ideas for various people. Around the time we got to Watertower Place, my left hip started hurting. It kept getting worse and worse as we walked around the mall. By the time we were heading out of the mall, I was slowed to a limp. Sarah kept walking off ahead of me, and I started getting kind of annoyed that she kept walking away even though she knew I was in a lot of pain. She led me to the Cheesecake Factory where we faced a 70-90 minute wait for a table, so we just decided to head on over toward the theater we were going to later to find dinner in a less crowded part of town.
We wound up going to a little Japanese place, but they had no bathroom and I had to go pretty bad so we just kept walking. We found a Chinese place a little further down the same street. It was an ok atmosphere, very quiet and not crowded at all. I went to the bathroom and discovered a nice sized cockroach on the wall and wondered if that was why the place was so empty. Seeing that made me not want to eat the Sweet & Sour Chicken I had ordered. Sarah had ordered some other chicken dish that looked like it could have had cockroaches as a main ingredient, so I really didn't want to touch that... Ugh. It at least tasted pretty good. We headed over to the theater which was about 3 blocks away. I was limping pretty bad at that point so she ran to the car while I walked to the theater and waited for her. We went inside and saw "The Santaland Diaries". It was pretty funny for a one man play. It felt almost like standup comedy at times. I guess it was just the diary entries read out loud with emotion and some props and action. I'd recommend it if you are in the Chicago area and looking for a holiday play. After that it was back home for some snuggling on the couch.
She fell asleep but I wasn't quite tired yet. I went upstairs to take my contacts out and brush my teeth and she said to come back when I was done. Remember now, my hips were killing me so the stairs weren't much fun. I was on pain killers but they only dulled the pain. I went back down to wake her up and she only woke momentarily when I stirred her. She said she wanted another minute or two to just lay there so I gave it to her, tried to wake her again (unsuccessfully), and went back upstairs to bed to wait for her. After half an hour or so, I felt restless so I went back downstairs and tried to wake her up again. This time she said "oh sorry, I'm coming." I started walking back upstairs, pretty annoyed at this point, and crawled back into bed. About 15 minutes later, I went back down and found her still laying there. I shut all the lights off and accidentally woke her up while trying to shut off the one next to her. She apologized and came up to bed finally. At this point I was kind of angry because I was in pain and I didn't like having to go up and down the stairs so much to get her to come to bed. We kind of argued a bit and finally I cooled down, but then got a little upset again for no good reason. We went to sleep with me kind of annoyed and her feeling bad for hurting my feelings.
This is a key point for me. I got mad for no good reason. It was stupid, and I'm assuming it was just because I was in pain and still a little annoyed from when she was walking away from me while I was limping. I find that I do this a lot -- I get upset about something and wind up falling into victim mode and dramatizing things far more than they need to be, which in turn hurts Sarah and makes me feel like a total ass in the long run. I really need to catch myself in the early stages of this so I can stop doing it. It seriously is retarded, and I find myself doing it more often lately (probably because of the amount of stress I'm under).
Anyhow, we got up really late on Sunday (like noon) and ate breakfast. We sat on the couch and read the ads in the Sunday paper. After that we showered and got ready to head out for the afternoon. We took her mom to church and went to Mitsuwa. On the way there my annoyance came to a peak and we wound up having a long conversation about our feelings (something I've found very hard to talk about lately). We did some shopping, mostly for candy and sushi for dinner, and then headed back to her house (having more conversation on the way back). I apologized for acting the way I did and we made up. We had dinner and I got packed up, then we headed for the airport. We said a long goodbye as usual and I hobbled to my gate where I got on the plane just in time. I'm glad we ended on an up note -- we wound up talking for another hour or so after I got home and called her to say goodnight.
It's kind of funny to think about how stupid I acted, but I can't forgive myself for it very easily. I'm still apologizing to her for it even though I know she forgave me right from the start. I'm such a jerk sometimes. -_-
Anyhow, things are good in general. I'm very busy at work and very stressed out (and somewhat depressed) because of it. I just need to keep myself focused on the positive aspects of my life so I can stay happy. I really miss Sarah, but there's nothing I can do about it right now. I think I might have to start thinking about moving there, but it's hard considering how much I'm starting to like my job and how it's improving. We're getting 401(k) matching in January, and they've enhanced the PTO policy to include floating holidays and 4 weeks after 5 years. More and more it's starting to feel like I work for a professional software development firm.
I get to see her again at the end of this month. She'll be in town for new year's eve, so hopefully this year I won't make a total ass out of myself and wind up pushing her away from me like I did last year. Ugh, somebody please watch me and tell me when I'm acting totally stupid. I think I'm perfectly capable of ruining the best thing that's ever happened to me if I'm left unwatched.
Two weeks ago, Sarah came to town for Thanksgiving. Thursday was nice; despite snow in Chicago, her flight was on time. I took her home and waited for family to arrive. I introduced her to my extended family, of which there were about 18 attending at some point during the day. I don't handle crowds like that well, especially when the basement is cordoned off due to small children attempting to roll down the stairs. I was a little freaky, but thankfully Sarah didn't get weirded out by my social anxiety. We called it a fairly early night since neither of us had slept much (she, in particular, had been awake for about 30 hours at that point).
Friday we took it easy. We were four episodes behind on Genshiken, so we watched all of that. We played some Rock Band in the afternoon and then went down to hang out with Eric and Jessi, bringing Rock Band with us. Obento-ya was the choice for dinner, and a fine choice it was! I would gladly go back there any time anyone suggested it. It's inexpensive and you get a lot of delicious food for your money. We played Rock Band with the four of us, then Eric and I tried out Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles. After that we all watched Shinesman (which is always a good time) and called it a night.
Saturday there was DDR and Rock Band. We went shopping after a nice lunch at Perkins due to a lack of food in the house. I think we played Guitar Hero 3 on saturday in co-op mode since I had finally gotten a second guitar, but maybe that was friday... We watched Animaniacs at one point too. I don't really clearly remember what happened that day... Maybe I'm confusing some of Friday's events with Saturday. Curse my failing memory... I'm getting more and more frustrated with this all the time. It used to be impeccable, but now it is becoming very obviously flawed... I do remember that we watched football for most of the day Sunday, and that my parents took us out to Red Robin for dinner after going to visit my grandma in the hospital.
The weekend between there was snow. I was frustrated to no end. To make things worse, my grandma was getting a lot worse. It was a pretty crappy weekend.
Last weekend was nice however. I went to Chicago and once again had no delay from NWA. It's amazing how they can be on time if they actually make an effort at it. I hope it keeps up even after the holiday travel rush. I arrived at 8:15, just a little early. Sarah picked me up and took me to a little trendy Korean restaurant for dinner. It was pretty good, but a little pricey. We went to a theater to see Mystery Science Theater 3000 (the movie), but it was closed due to a gas leak so we just headed back home and cuddled on the couch until bed.
Saturday we got up late and puttered around the house for a bit. I was feeling kind of sick so I fell asleep on the couch while she was getting ready to go. We headed downtown and it took forever to find a parking spot. One thing I hate the most about Chicago is the lack of public parking anywhere you go. After finally finding a spot, we hopped on the train and rode the last couple of miles into downtown to go to the Christkindlemarket. At least, I assume it's all one word since it's German. We ate some nice authentic German food (braten mit sauerkraut, mmm). I wound up finding some gifts for my family members and she did as well. It was nice, but we were totally freezing by the end of it. After a couple hours of that, we went walking down Michigan Avenue to do some more shopping/idea hunting. We stopped at a bunch of stores and I got a few ideas for various people. Around the time we got to Watertower Place, my left hip started hurting. It kept getting worse and worse as we walked around the mall. By the time we were heading out of the mall, I was slowed to a limp. Sarah kept walking off ahead of me, and I started getting kind of annoyed that she kept walking away even though she knew I was in a lot of pain. She led me to the Cheesecake Factory where we faced a 70-90 minute wait for a table, so we just decided to head on over toward the theater we were going to later to find dinner in a less crowded part of town.
We wound up going to a little Japanese place, but they had no bathroom and I had to go pretty bad so we just kept walking. We found a Chinese place a little further down the same street. It was an ok atmosphere, very quiet and not crowded at all. I went to the bathroom and discovered a nice sized cockroach on the wall and wondered if that was why the place was so empty. Seeing that made me not want to eat the Sweet & Sour Chicken I had ordered. Sarah had ordered some other chicken dish that looked like it could have had cockroaches as a main ingredient, so I really didn't want to touch that... Ugh. It at least tasted pretty good. We headed over to the theater which was about 3 blocks away. I was limping pretty bad at that point so she ran to the car while I walked to the theater and waited for her. We went inside and saw "The Santaland Diaries". It was pretty funny for a one man play. It felt almost like standup comedy at times. I guess it was just the diary entries read out loud with emotion and some props and action. I'd recommend it if you are in the Chicago area and looking for a holiday play. After that it was back home for some snuggling on the couch.
She fell asleep but I wasn't quite tired yet. I went upstairs to take my contacts out and brush my teeth and she said to come back when I was done. Remember now, my hips were killing me so the stairs weren't much fun. I was on pain killers but they only dulled the pain. I went back down to wake her up and she only woke momentarily when I stirred her. She said she wanted another minute or two to just lay there so I gave it to her, tried to wake her again (unsuccessfully), and went back upstairs to bed to wait for her. After half an hour or so, I felt restless so I went back downstairs and tried to wake her up again. This time she said "oh sorry, I'm coming." I started walking back upstairs, pretty annoyed at this point, and crawled back into bed. About 15 minutes later, I went back down and found her still laying there. I shut all the lights off and accidentally woke her up while trying to shut off the one next to her. She apologized and came up to bed finally. At this point I was kind of angry because I was in pain and I didn't like having to go up and down the stairs so much to get her to come to bed. We kind of argued a bit and finally I cooled down, but then got a little upset again for no good reason. We went to sleep with me kind of annoyed and her feeling bad for hurting my feelings.
This is a key point for me. I got mad for no good reason. It was stupid, and I'm assuming it was just because I was in pain and still a little annoyed from when she was walking away from me while I was limping. I find that I do this a lot -- I get upset about something and wind up falling into victim mode and dramatizing things far more than they need to be, which in turn hurts Sarah and makes me feel like a total ass in the long run. I really need to catch myself in the early stages of this so I can stop doing it. It seriously is retarded, and I find myself doing it more often lately (probably because of the amount of stress I'm under).
Anyhow, we got up really late on Sunday (like noon) and ate breakfast. We sat on the couch and read the ads in the Sunday paper. After that we showered and got ready to head out for the afternoon. We took her mom to church and went to Mitsuwa. On the way there my annoyance came to a peak and we wound up having a long conversation about our feelings (something I've found very hard to talk about lately). We did some shopping, mostly for candy and sushi for dinner, and then headed back to her house (having more conversation on the way back). I apologized for acting the way I did and we made up. We had dinner and I got packed up, then we headed for the airport. We said a long goodbye as usual and I hobbled to my gate where I got on the plane just in time. I'm glad we ended on an up note -- we wound up talking for another hour or so after I got home and called her to say goodnight.
It's kind of funny to think about how stupid I acted, but I can't forgive myself for it very easily. I'm still apologizing to her for it even though I know she forgave me right from the start. I'm such a jerk sometimes. -_-
Anyhow, things are good in general. I'm very busy at work and very stressed out (and somewhat depressed) because of it. I just need to keep myself focused on the positive aspects of my life so I can stay happy. I really miss Sarah, but there's nothing I can do about it right now. I think I might have to start thinking about moving there, but it's hard considering how much I'm starting to like my job and how it's improving. We're getting 401(k) matching in January, and they've enhanced the PTO policy to include floating holidays and 4 weeks after 5 years. More and more it's starting to feel like I work for a professional software development firm.
I get to see her again at the end of this month. She'll be in town for new year's eve, so hopefully this year I won't make a total ass out of myself and wind up pushing her away from me like I did last year. Ugh, somebody please watch me and tell me when I'm acting totally stupid. I think I'm perfectly capable of ruining the best thing that's ever happened to me if I'm left unwatched.