It is long, and I refuse to LJ cut again
My Extended Weekend
By Cosimo Russo
Thursday
The weekend starts with me at work for a minute or too, then I hop in the Land Cruiser and make my way to the city to pick up my mother, the giant, my brother (Antonio) and his girlfriend (Lisa). On the way I got a ticket... well like 9 tickets, for all sorts of crap, whatever, I will get out of them. I thought we were gonna stay in the city, but my mom and brother wanted to head up to see my Uncle and Cousin, so we did that. We go in for a minute, do the whole thing then head out. We decide to play some pairs golf, me and giant against brother and his girl.
Apparently the girls suck at golf, whatever, it was fun.. We all shot the shit, drank, smoked cigars it was good times... and I actually started to like Lisa, who I didn’t know but disliked originally, mostly because my brother doesn’t have the best taste. But she was cool, and a pretty homely girl, which is VERY good for Antonio. So in the midst of the fun we had people playing through us and stuff (Which is understandable, we were going slow), but this foursome of younger looking guys decided to play right INTO us at the 16th hole... My brother teed a ball, turned around and shot right back at them, they got the message. They were lucky I am trying to keep a good rep around here or I would’ve driven the cart right up to them and beat every single one of them with my hybrid 3 Iron.
Later we went out to dinner with some of the family to my shop, that was good times, ate plenty, drank more than enough, and headed home. Later in the night once we all went our separate ways I fucked the shit out of the giant, like all sorts of straight ruined her.. She loved every second of it. Then after we showered up, cause sleeping like that is gross, and during the shower my penis decided it would like to go for round 2. So I rail her out in the shower with her face pressed firmly against the glass sliding door for a while, I bust a nut and leave the condom on the floor, knowing my brother would be the next one to use the shower.
Friday
Sometime around 10ish in the morning the giant comes to get me cause my brother left a condom in the shower for me. I go upstairs, grab him by the neck and bring him back to the shower- where he is lucky I didn’t make him pick it up with his teeth. After that I rubbed it in that he touched my babies and he said- No Lisa picked it up, and then the giant said- she wouldn’t have touched your babies.. So I decided that she touched the giants guts. And my brother and I joked the whole weekend about how Lisa fingered Katie’s vagina hole.
In the afternoon there was A LOT of family over for lunch and stuff, and of course everyone had to meet the 2 ladies... which was not fun for me. They kind’ve dismissed Antonio’s girl and him for that matter (Because he fucks up too much for them to talk to/about him) and most of the Lunch conversation, and any other conversation to come was about Katie and myself. "You are so pretty" "You make such a cute couple" "You are so tall you will have such nice healthy children" And a whole lot of other stuff, most of the time this would have been in Italian, but since my mother doesn’t speak Italian, no one usually speaks it in front of her.. And now it seems the same respect goes for Katie... Oh joy. Every 2 minutes- "she is beautiful Cosimo, you should marry her" "When should we expect grandkids?"
Just fun inappropriate things to make me not ever want to have a relationship with a girl. But of course she loved it, 1 because it embarrassed me and I never get embarrassed and 2 because she knows my family really likes her. Bah! So we do the lunch and then we do a little drinking, took the jet ski’s out for a second in the water and then make our way to our seafood restaurant/bar.... My brother had never been so I figured we’d go there, do free drinks all night, have a good time. Some where in this span on time I am pretty trashed, not like ruined, but on my way when I hear this guy say something about my cousin. He said that he heard my cousin and uncle were shot by my cousin’s gay lover.
Um. No. This prompted me to get up and tell the guy to fuck off, he thought he had big balls (He was a good sized guy though, little shorter than me, built well) so I told him we could take it outside. He says yes, because he doesn’t want to look like a bitch at the table with his buddies and bitches. So we are walking outside, and I am walking slower than him, when he finally realizes that we aren’t as close as he thought we were he turns around so I lunge forward and BLAP! Right in the nose. It was over. Blood was everywhere, he was holding his face, and then I kept hitting.. He went to the ground, and I just kept hitting, I kept on hitting until he went limp/I missed his face and nailed the parking lot. Finally someone pulled me off and that was that..
The ambulance came and he left in that, the cops came, and I thought I was gonna leave with them.. but somehow my brother smoothed it over. The cop’s then told the guys buddies who stayed (Who were going to give witness statements on me) to tell their friend he is lucky that I am not pressing charges on HIM for trespassing muahahahha, that’s what he gets. I went back inside and got even more smashed, after getting a new shirt and cleaning up of course.
Saturday
Saturday was a chill day.. We just relaxed by the club pool for like, 5-6 hours. Ran up a nice 300 dollar tab. The funny thing was both Katie and Lisa weren’t really up on the way a country club thing, and they wanted to see a menu... There is a menu TECHNICALLY, but also, you can order just about anything you want. We tested this out by asking our lovely server (who walked away with 60 bucks from the gratuity tab alone, plus what we gave her) if we could get pancakes. She of course said yes, and then my brother asked- "Can you do the pancakes like the ones at IHOP? With the chocolate and smiley face and all?" Right as she is about to answer he says- "You know what, just have them pick me that up from IHOP"
She says- "There is a something fee of X% (maybe like 5% or less, something fairly nominal) of the cost to get items outside of the club" The girls were appalled, like seriously disgusted, and we told the waitress we didn’t really want the pancakes, it was just to prove a point... She said she has had people do similar things, for the most part when a dumb bitch wants some certain salad from her favorite place or sushi or something else trendy.. We all had a good laugh and downed our 6 dollar small ass daiquiri’s. After the pool and getting all sorts of wasted, and even more all sorts of sun burned we did the family dinner thing... More people, more marriage and baby talk, more me drinking so I wouldn’t hear them. After that hell we went to some clubs at the water front and chilled there all night, which was pretty good fun, though Im not really a club guy.
When we made our timely exit from the club we decided to hit up IHOP (my brother REEEALLY wanted those pancakes after all ahha) Well we get there and my dumb ass carries a 12 pack in from the car, and it makes it all the way to our table. The lady takes our drink order and my brother and I are all- not thanks, the girls get whatever. The second she walks away we just start pounding these beers.. By the time anyone realized we were drinking there was about 4 or 5 empty cans in the window sill.. Then they had this rent-a-cop who apparently works there on the weekends come over and tell us we needed to leave. We gave our server a beer for a tip and went on our marry way.
Sunday
So there is this guy who went to high school with my cousin and he got into some trouble with the law back in the day for selling blow or something, who cares... Well he is on probation now and needed a job, so we hired him. Not too long ago he came up and said he talked to Nicky in the hospital and said to come talk to me. The whole thing is this guy is some sort of criminal, I don’t care what it is he does, he just wanted to let me know he would be doing it (Not inside my place) and so he asks if there is anyway he can have off these couple of days to go get something, but so long as he doesn’t get in trouble, he wanted me to vouch he was there. I wanted to know exactly what it was he was moving, cause Im not getting fucked, it is like clothes and shit like that, nothing too bad, and I guess it isn’t actually stolen either, but bought illegally... if that makes any sense. So I give him the go ahead, promote him to a different job where all he would do is check inventory, so no one would see him save me and Carlo, but Carlo is in so all is well. So he gets this raise, and pays us the money he earns while not working.. PLUS I get clothes from him for cost... nothing I really want though, since I don’t dress overly casual much.
Anyway, we go, get a bunch of fucking clothes for the girls and some beach clothes for us, don’t really drop much money (Money I did drop I will take out of his check ahahha) After that Sunday was a chill day, we didn’t do a whole lot.. Some little girl scratched the shit out of my cousin’s car (that I was driving) with her bike handle at the parking lot.. I was pissed, but I couldn’t yell at her so Katie did, which was nice. The little girl cried.
Later that night I get a telephone call from a guy down the road that he saw Tano (one of my cousins) and 2 other kids hitting his fountain with baseball bats... He said he didn’t call the cops but he was sure someone else prolly did, so I run out of the house, find the 3 fuckers, which wasn’t hard because they were LOUD as shit, and bring them back to the house.
I told them all that they shouldn’t have done thing in their own neighborhood (Tano, and Mateo are brother, my cousins kids and they live like 5 houses away from where I am staying.. Angelo lives out of the neighborhood, but he is still family so he should know better) I also explained to them never to do it on foot again, because that is fucking dumb too. Then I told them if it had been any other neighborhood, I would’ve had their backs and prolly not been pissed, but since they pissed in their own backyard I had no choice. And last I told them to put up their fucking fists.
They didn’t think I was serious so I smack Tano pretty God damned hard open handed (Tano is the youngest of the group, 15 I think) the others get all scared and look like they’re gonna bolt, which wouldn’t have helped their cause- so I told them to fight back and be men... They didn’t fight back, and they got there asses beat like grown men, they are 17 years old after all. I didn’t really sock it to Tano quite as bad, he is kind’ve the runt so I know he went to be cool, but I did still fuck him up. All 3 were very sorry.
Monday
So Monday we go to the couple of houses that they fucked up, and I tell the people not to worry, that we would pay for the damages and that they were VERY sorry.. Well, the people could obviously tell they were sorry since it looks like they were all in the movie fight club. They were pretty happy seeing them beaten, prolly cause they’re all old folks from the old school of discipline.
After I settled all that my brother and I started grilling, and the 3 kids were our beer bitches/BBQ bitches all day. Food turned out fucking awesome, I kept having to take breaks and go inside cause the heat from the huge ass grill was KILLING my sunburn. It was good times, our family BBQs always are. We did a little jet skiing/intertubing and played a little volleyball down in the old apple orchard that my uncle turned into a little beach volleyball set-up. That was pretty much my Monday. Oh, all my guests left too, except my brother and his gf, they’re staying for a little while it seems, that is cool I suppose... I mean I love my brother, he is my only brother, so it is important to me that we stay close, which we are. And I like Lisa, she is good for him, kind’ve homely and motherly, just what he needs to keep him on the ground a little. That is all I can think of right now, though I did just remember the IHOP thing and throw that in there, damn spotty memory... I blame living near powerlines, it cant be because of my drinking.