look! It's an entry! (not full of rage i might add)
Hah. it's a journal entry.
Where do i start? lots has happened since last time I really wrote about stuff (aka not including rage).
I suppose only the important things are important enough for the journal.
Rob and I broke up.
Well, I broke up with Rob.
I'm entirely okay with it. But apparently that makes me a horrible person. And I suppose I deserve the title, I did tell him to move in with me and then three weeks later told him to move out. (pretty deserving at all angles).
Basically that just all lead to a lot of overtime at work. What the hell else was I going to do? Which is really the most productive way to get over anything, because at least when all is said and done you have extra money in your pocket. Although now i'm all caring about my marks job and somehow ended up working the stock shift from 4am till noon for the next two weeks (at least). I do crave schedule though.
Monday nights I take a dance class. Cassandra has recently joined, which is great because she'll make me go instead of lazing about like i'm known to do.
I just got invited to play with St Johns chamber orchestra. I know they're nothing special, but it's an opportunity for me to actually pick up my flute again and play, which I havn't done for five months now (longest time of not playing for four years. scarry). I didn't think i'd miss it this much. I don't miss sore hands though, so there's a downside to everything.
School is ass. Apparently there wasn't sufficient evidence to graduate me now so i'm taking an anthropology course and will graduate in february. Ass, in my opinion. but i'm not a fighter, so i'll lay down and take it. PS> get everything in writing WITH signatures and clear statements. In writing apparently isn't enough.
Now that all these things are happening (or not happening) all of the things i was hoping wouldn't happen happened.
aka i'm all soul searching and emotional about stuff. it sucks.
I need to change. I need to change a lot of basic things, but there are a lot of things i want to change that are bigger. I'm wondering if i should move away. Or leave just for a year somewhere just to 'become'. I don't think i've done that yet. and i think i need to. There are a lot of things i want to do before i just lay low under the radar (which is what i feel like i was doing with a boyfriend). I'm just not ready to stop being exciting.
What's more important is that i'm ready to BE exciting. i've never really been that way before. Well maybe almost once, and it was an amazing two months-ish ever, but then i really fucked some things up and, well, that was the end of any fun i'd ever had before.
right. change.
how does someone go about changing when it's their number one fear of all time? (seriously, i'd rather babysit a snake for a week. and i'm terrified of snakes)
i don't know the answer. and i suppose this is the root of frustration.
I've been told recently to just figure out what i want to do for the rest of my life and go get it. But i suppose it's that first part that is holding me back.
really long nothingness post. But I had to find something to do. I'm at my mom and dad's: i could have gone home, except that there was less to do there than there is here.
boourns.
at least i got turkey.
Where do i start? lots has happened since last time I really wrote about stuff (aka not including rage).
I suppose only the important things are important enough for the journal.
Rob and I broke up.
Well, I broke up with Rob.
I'm entirely okay with it. But apparently that makes me a horrible person. And I suppose I deserve the title, I did tell him to move in with me and then three weeks later told him to move out. (pretty deserving at all angles).
Basically that just all lead to a lot of overtime at work. What the hell else was I going to do? Which is really the most productive way to get over anything, because at least when all is said and done you have extra money in your pocket. Although now i'm all caring about my marks job and somehow ended up working the stock shift from 4am till noon for the next two weeks (at least). I do crave schedule though.
Monday nights I take a dance class. Cassandra has recently joined, which is great because she'll make me go instead of lazing about like i'm known to do.
I just got invited to play with St Johns chamber orchestra. I know they're nothing special, but it's an opportunity for me to actually pick up my flute again and play, which I havn't done for five months now (longest time of not playing for four years. scarry). I didn't think i'd miss it this much. I don't miss sore hands though, so there's a downside to everything.
School is ass. Apparently there wasn't sufficient evidence to graduate me now so i'm taking an anthropology course and will graduate in february. Ass, in my opinion. but i'm not a fighter, so i'll lay down and take it. PS> get everything in writing WITH signatures and clear statements. In writing apparently isn't enough.
Now that all these things are happening (or not happening) all of the things i was hoping wouldn't happen happened.
aka i'm all soul searching and emotional about stuff. it sucks.
I need to change. I need to change a lot of basic things, but there are a lot of things i want to change that are bigger. I'm wondering if i should move away. Or leave just for a year somewhere just to 'become'. I don't think i've done that yet. and i think i need to. There are a lot of things i want to do before i just lay low under the radar (which is what i feel like i was doing with a boyfriend). I'm just not ready to stop being exciting.
What's more important is that i'm ready to BE exciting. i've never really been that way before. Well maybe almost once, and it was an amazing two months-ish ever, but then i really fucked some things up and, well, that was the end of any fun i'd ever had before.
right. change.
how does someone go about changing when it's their number one fear of all time? (seriously, i'd rather babysit a snake for a week. and i'm terrified of snakes)
i don't know the answer. and i suppose this is the root of frustration.
I've been told recently to just figure out what i want to do for the rest of my life and go get it. But i suppose it's that first part that is holding me back.
really long nothingness post. But I had to find something to do. I'm at my mom and dad's: i could have gone home, except that there was less to do there than there is here.
boourns.
at least i got turkey.