Part III: Confessional
Title: Part III: Confessional
Author: vacheqirit
Pairings: Matt/Julie; Julie/Grandma Saracen
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: FNL and these characters are the properties of their owners, etc.
Spoilers: Through "Extended Families"
Author's Note: This is the concluding part of the trilogy including "Injured" and "Occupational Hazard."I hope this is both interesting and believable. As always, feedback most appreciated.
Telling the truth is harder when you love someone.
Anxious. Matt was anxious. Now there were people who had reason to watch his every move: how he ate, how he played, if he slept well or not. The scrutiny was unbearable, far worse than anything he’d had to adjust to since stepping up to QB1 status. And it was just three watchers involved. Julie was the worst offender.
“Matt, just have a little more tunafish, OK?” she said at lunch the day after his trip to the doctor. She pushed the remains of his sandwich closer to him. “A couple more bites, please?”
“Geez, would you stop already?” exclaimed Matt, wrapping his lunch up in the paper bag he’d brought it in and tossing it towards the trash can at the end of the aisle. He missed.
“I’m trying, Jules. I just can’t get much down right now.” He sighed. “I’ll have two burgers tonight at work instead, OK?”
“But the doctor said you’re OK, right? Maybe this is just a virus, or the flu? Because you need to get better, and fast.”
“Don’t I know it,” Matt muttered in reply. “Hey, I’m...I’m just gonna get goin’. I’ll call you later.” He stood up from the table, made his way to the errant lunch bag and deposited it, with force, into the trash.
The last time Matt was this out of sorts, something major was happening on the home front. Julie decided it was time to enlist reinforcements.
***
That afternoon, Julie stopped by the Saracen home. The front door was slightly ajar behind the screen. Julie could hear the TV just inside the front room. It was almost always on. She knocked on the metal frame.
“Hello?” came Grandma Saracen’s voice. “Is somebody there?” She appeared in the doorway.
“Hi Grandma,” said Julie. She had always called Mrs. Saracen this. It seemed too formal not to.
“Julie! Hello sweetie. So nice to see you. Matthew’s not here right now, I’m afraid. Can I tell him you came by?”
“Actually, Grandma, I’m here to see you,” said Julie brightly. She hoped Grandma was having one of her good days. Otherwise this visit was going to be a bust.
“Well idn’t that nice!” exclaimed Grandma, opening the screen door to let Julie inside. “A special visit just for lil’ ole me! We can have a proper hen party, can’t we honey? Maybe you can make us some tea, I’ll get out some biscuits, and we’ll have a grand time. How sweet, how sweet!” Julie came inside and made her way immediately to the kitchen. Grandma observed the niceties of social dynamics as well as any woman her age, but she couldn’t quite deliver on the hospitality angle. Julie set to work putting the kettle on.
“Tell me, darlin’, how are things with you?” asked Grandma, settling herself in her armchair, lowering the volume of the TV but not going so far as to turn it off. For her, it truly was the electronic hearth. “Y’all run around so much, I hardly know what you’re up to anymore. Well, ‘cepting football, naturally. My Matthew! I’m so proud, I could spit!”
Julie tried to keep the mental image of Grandma propelling a huge loogey across the room from entering her mind, but she didn’t quite manage it. She stifled a giggle.
“Um, things are good, Grandma, thanks for asking,” she replied, her voice thick with suppressed laughter. “It’s true, we’re really busy with everything going on right now. It’s pretty exciting, semis coming up.”
“Exciting?! It’s thrilling, that’s what it is! Why I remember when we last won State, I guess it wasn’t so long ago, but I do love to travel down that memory lane. I just can’t imagine what it’d be like to see my Matthew out there playin’ for State if they get that far. I might just die from happiness.”
Julie didn’t want to consider how likely this scenario might actually be.
“So Grandma, you think Matt is excited about semis and everything?” asked Julie, taking down a couple of tea cups from the shelf. “I think he’s been a little...a little...nervous lately.”
“Oh, well, that’s natural, honey. He’s got a lot riding on his shoulders right now, lots of pressure. But I’ve always thought he plays his best under pressure. I mean you remember the night of Jason Street’s accident? Terrible thing, tragic. But Matt, he just stepped right up, threw that pass all the way down the field...won the game! Just the start of his career, too. Two more years to develop his skills. He’ll be a force to reckon with, you mark my words. I can’t wait to see it.”
Amen, Grandma, thought Julie. She took the kettle off the stove and set about making the tea. She prepped the teapot just the way Grandma had shown her: one teaspoon of tea for each person, and one for the pot. Swirl with hot water and let it steep.
“Well, I just wondered if you noticed anything unusual lately, like how tired he seems to be,” said Julie as casually as she could. “Is he...is he getting enough to eat? Is he sleeping OK?” She started to prepare the tea tray with cups, spoons, and sugar.
“Oh he’s fine, honey. He’s one to get a little wound up sometimes, so maybe that’s what you’re noticing. And of course he’s always been a little more...susceptible, I suppose is the word...to being run down since the leukemia.”
Julie dropped the teapot.
The crash scared both of them, but Julie stayed rooted in place. Hot tea, tea leaves, and pottery shards shot to the far corners of the kitchen.
“Oh my goodness, honey!” cried Grandma, hurrying to the kitchen. “Are you alright? Are you burned? Quick now, step away from there and make sure you’re OK.” Grandma reached for a dish towel and dropped it over the tea pooling on the linoleum and went to look for the broom.
“Now don’t worry, you can borrow some jeans or something and we’ll wash out your pants, maybe even your shoes, and it will all be fine,” she said, returning to the kitchen with the broom and dustpan. “Are you OK? You gave us quite a scare.”
She peered up at Julie as she bent over the mess.
Julie was completely immobile. She felt the tea soaking through her shoes and registered that it was hot, but still she couldn’t move. Grandma began dabbing half-heartedly at the cuffs of Julie’s pants.
“Honey, come on now, move away from there and help me clean up a bit,” said Grandma, standing up. “Don’t fuss, it was just an accident. I have another teapot around here somewhere we can use.”
Finally Julie stepped away and absently bent down to pick up the larger shards of the teapot.
“Um, so, so Grandma, Matt is...is more likely to be...sick? Because of the...leukemia? Has that...always been the case?” She forced herself to concentrate on Grandma’s reply. Her mind was reeling.
“Well that was the case awhile ago, when they were treating him. He had all kind of infections and whatnot when he was on the radiation and chemo. It’s true what they say about cancer treatment...it’s worse than the disease itself. And he was only a little boy, of course. So much time in the hospital. It was hard on all of us.” They were getting the tea disaster under control.
“How old was he again, Grandma?” asked Julie, trying to keep her voice from rising into a scream.
“Well, I think he was six when he was diagnosed, and he was under treatment for more than a year, if I recall correctly. He came to Dillon to live with me when he was ten, after he was in remission, ‘cause the strain on his parents was just too much, too much to handle. And his dad, well, he was off on maneuvers most of the time, so his mom had to do most of the caregiving. It about wore her out. And financially, well, they just never recovered. It’s criminal, what they charge for medicine, it truly is.” Grandma stood up.
“There now, that’s looking much better. Shall we try it again, honey? I’m feeling a bit hungry.”
Julie had to sit down a moment before starting the tea again. She felt tears welling up but choked them back. Grandma obviously thought she already knew about Matt’s leukemia. Having this knowledge explained so, so much about Matt, his family and financial situation. It was a lot to digest all at once.
But it was also information that was ill-gotten. She had gone to Grandma to find out anything she could to help Matt during this critical time, but this...this was not what she was expecting to hear. And it would be wrong, very wrong, if she didn’t confess what she knew to him.
Oh. God.
***
Matt couldn’t wait a week to hear back from the lab about his blood tests. If something serious were wrong, he’d need to get treated quickly, and he’d have to let Coach know he probably wouldn’t be able to play in these upcoming games. Game. He tried not to think about the Panthers getting to State, with or without him. Trying to keep his head on straight, as Coach always said.
There were only a couple of labs in town. His tests would have to be at one of them. He got out the phone book that night after work and looked them up. He’d have to call the next day from school. He wrote down the numbers and put them in his book bag.
Now he needed a good ruse.
The next day, during his free period, he walked across campus to the one pay phone still operating nearby. He dialed up the first lab.
“You have reached Diagnostics Medical Labs,” the automated system said. “If you know your party’s extension, you may dial it now...” Matt immediately dialed 0. “Please hold while we transfer your call.”
He then spent some ten minutes in voicemail limbo, trying to locate a live person to talk to. He decided to try this lab back later. He hung up and dialed the other lab’s number.
“Med Lab,” said a woman on the other end after two rings. A real person.
“Uh, hi, uh, I was...wondering if my lab results have come back yet,” said Matt. “Could you check for me?”
“If you haven’t received a call from your doctor, then the results aren’t available yet, sir,” said the woman. Matt could hear her pop her gum.
“Well, yeah, my doctor called this morning and left me a message, but I can’t get hold of him now until next week, so I wonder if you could just give me my results instead.”
“Sir, we’re not allowed to give that kind of information out over the phone,” said the woman, who seemed to be typing as she was talking to him. “You need to discuss your results with your doctor.” She sounded ready to hang up.
“Well, I understand that, ma’am, but since they’re my results, and I’m giving you permission to read them to me, there shouldn’t be any problem, right?” Matt hoped this approach was going to work. He didn’t have a back-up plan.
“Sir, I’m not authorized to assist you in that way,” said the woman, who was obviously sticking to a well-rehearsed menu of responses. “I can have you speak to a supervisor if you’d like.”
“Yes, yes, please,” said Matt.
“Hold please,” she said, with one last, very loud crack of her gum.
Matt waited. A minute, two. Five. Finally a man’s voice came on the line.
“Yes?” He sounded annoyed.
Matt had thought of a new tactic while he was on hold. He summoned up the spirit of Joel Saracen, hoping his grandfather wouldn’t mind that he was being impersonated in an illegal information-gathering operation.
“Yessir, this is Dr. Paul Richardson and I’m calling to confirm the test results for one of my patients, Saracen, Matthew. My secretary left a garbled voicemail about them this morning and I can’t make head nor tails out of it.” Matt mentally crossed his fingers.
“What’s the name again?” said the man, holding the phone away from his mouth.
“S-A-R-A-C-E-N, Matthew.” Please please please...
“Saracen. Saracen. Hold on, there are some that haven’t been filed yet.” Another pause.
“Here it is...Saracen. Uh, the panel showed anemia.”
Matt’s heart skipped a few beats.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear you...did you say, anemia or leukemia?” Matt hoped he sounded like a vague old country doctor and not some sort of nut.
“Anemia. Anemia. Low levels of hemoglobin. Treatable.”
Matt swallowed hard. “Thank you, thanks very much.”
“Um-hmm,” said the voice on the other end, and then he hung up.
Matt hung up the pay phone. He had to sit down on the ground for a minute.
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you...
***
Matt was working at the Alamo Freeze again the next night. He had already called his pediatrician, telling them the lab had called him first with the test results and could he get a prescription for ProCrit immediately? He was planning to go by the Street’s pharmacy after work to pick it up. So he could pick himself up as. Fast. As. Possible.
His relief was making him giddy, and he blew through his shift.
He was in the process of closing the restaurant when he saw a car pull up. It was Mrs. Taylor. With Julie.
This was odd. Were they checking up on him?
Julie came inside.
“Hey,” she said, approaching the counter. She kept her gaze on her shoes.
“Hey,” he replied. “What’s up? Are you guys hungry or somethin’, ‘cause I’ve already turned everything off...”
“No, no, we’re not here for food,” said Julie, strangely ill at ease. “Are..are you almost done? I need to talk to you about something. My mom drove me. She’s...she’s waiting in the car.” She paused. “We can drive you home after. If you want.”
“Sure, just let me lock up the back, and I’ll be right out.” He hadn’t thought about how he was going to tell Julie about the anemia just yet, but at least he could tell her that there really wasn’t anything to worry about. A few pills, and he’d be fine. Time to get excited about semis again.
Julie was roiling with dread. Telling him about her conversation with Grandma was going to out him on the most fundamental level possible. She wasn’t sure how he’d react. He’d never made the slightest mention of being sick, of the resulting strain on his parents, how they’d split and sent him to Dillon. She just needed to apologize for finding out what she shouldn’t have, and confess that it was only her concern for him that created this situation. It sounded reasonable. It was reasonable. Wasn’t it?
Matt came around the counter and took Julie by the hand, leading her to the back corner table where Mrs. Taylor wouldn’t be able to see them. Before she could launch into her rehearsed speech, Matt pulled her close and kissed her-- on the mouth, on the cheek, on her ear, her hair, her throat, back to her mouth, again and again, holding her tight. She could feel his heart beating against her chest. He was grinning ear to ear.
“I’m so glad to see you,” he said, hugging her.
“Uh, me too,” said Julie. She hadn’t seen him this happy...well, maybe ever.
“You know, I found out today what’s been wrong with me,” he said, pulling her by the hand to sit at the table. “It’s just anemia! No big thing! A round of pills and I’ll be fine! I’m really, really sorry for how I’ve been acting, I know you’ve been worried about me, and I guess...I guess I was sorta worried too, because I haven’t felt this bad in...well, I haven’t felt bad like this in a long time, and I’m just so relieved that it’s nothing, really. I’ll be able to play, maybe not 100%, but I’ll be OK, I’ll be so excited that it’ll more than make up for being a little run down all this time. I can even tell your mom and dad so they don’t have to worry anymore too. Isn’t that great?” He drew breath and leaned towards her, still holding her hands.
Julie tried to switch gears quickly to catch up with his good mood.
“I’m...I’m so glad you’re gonna be OK,” she said, trying to sound as happy as she felt, because she did. Her heart was about to burst.
Instead, she burst into tears.
“Jules?” Matt wasn’t sure what had just happened.
Julie sobbed, holding his hands.
“I’m so sorry...I’m so sorry,” she said, choking on her tears.
“What do you mean?” asked Matt, confused.
“I didn’t mean to, I just didn’t mean to find out this way,” said Julie, trying to take deep breaths to calm herself down.
“Find out what?” Matt was completely lost.
“I went to talk to Grandma because I was so worried about you and she told me about the leukemia and I just about had a heart attack and I know I shouldn’t have found out about it like that and it wasn’t Grandma’s fault, I think she forgot that I didn’t already know about it, and I was just...just...scared to death about you and please, please forgive me, I’m so sorry...” She took her hands out of his and put them over her face.
Matt sat back in his seat.
Julie stopped crying but didn’t know if she could look up. She rubbed the tears away with the back of her hands, waiting for him to say something. Anything.
“I’m just so glad you’re OK,” said Julie again, feeling a lump start in her throat. Her heart was hammering against her ribs. She lowered her hands to the table and played with her rings. She still couldn’t look at him.
“I suppose it’s about time you knew,” said Matt quietly. “I...I should have told you awhile ago.”
Relief flooded through her, and at last, she looked up .
“It’s...I’ve never really talked about it,” Matt continued. “It was...it was a really hard time.” He swallowed. Julie tried not to hold her breath.
“You’re just never sure it’s gone for good,” he said. “You never know. And nobody can tell you. It’s just kinda always with you. It makes it hard to think about the future.” He paused. “Except for Landry, nobody knows about it here. Well, except my doctors. I just didn’t want to be ‘that leukemia kid,’ and have it be the only thing people knew about me. I guess what happened instead was that I didn’t define myself at all. It was easier...it was easier, but I don’t know if it was better.”
He looked at her in that intense Matt way.
Of course. Of course he looks at the world this way.
“I think...maybe...I can let go of all that now.”
Julie leaped out of her seat to wrap herself around him.
***
Soon after their conversation at the Alamo Freeze, Julie passed by her locker at school one morning and remembered she needed a book. She spun the lock before dialing the combination and opening the door.
On top of a pile of books was the LIVESTRONG bracelet.
Author: vacheqirit
Pairings: Matt/Julie; Julie/Grandma Saracen
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: FNL and these characters are the properties of their owners, etc.
Spoilers: Through "Extended Families"
Author's Note: This is the concluding part of the trilogy including "Injured" and "Occupational Hazard."I hope this is both interesting and believable. As always, feedback most appreciated.
Telling the truth is harder when you love someone.
Anxious. Matt was anxious. Now there were people who had reason to watch his every move: how he ate, how he played, if he slept well or not. The scrutiny was unbearable, far worse than anything he’d had to adjust to since stepping up to QB1 status. And it was just three watchers involved. Julie was the worst offender.
“Matt, just have a little more tunafish, OK?” she said at lunch the day after his trip to the doctor. She pushed the remains of his sandwich closer to him. “A couple more bites, please?”
“Geez, would you stop already?” exclaimed Matt, wrapping his lunch up in the paper bag he’d brought it in and tossing it towards the trash can at the end of the aisle. He missed.
“I’m trying, Jules. I just can’t get much down right now.” He sighed. “I’ll have two burgers tonight at work instead, OK?”
“But the doctor said you’re OK, right? Maybe this is just a virus, or the flu? Because you need to get better, and fast.”
“Don’t I know it,” Matt muttered in reply. “Hey, I’m...I’m just gonna get goin’. I’ll call you later.” He stood up from the table, made his way to the errant lunch bag and deposited it, with force, into the trash.
The last time Matt was this out of sorts, something major was happening on the home front. Julie decided it was time to enlist reinforcements.
***
That afternoon, Julie stopped by the Saracen home. The front door was slightly ajar behind the screen. Julie could hear the TV just inside the front room. It was almost always on. She knocked on the metal frame.
“Hello?” came Grandma Saracen’s voice. “Is somebody there?” She appeared in the doorway.
“Hi Grandma,” said Julie. She had always called Mrs. Saracen this. It seemed too formal not to.
“Julie! Hello sweetie. So nice to see you. Matthew’s not here right now, I’m afraid. Can I tell him you came by?”
“Actually, Grandma, I’m here to see you,” said Julie brightly. She hoped Grandma was having one of her good days. Otherwise this visit was going to be a bust.
“Well idn’t that nice!” exclaimed Grandma, opening the screen door to let Julie inside. “A special visit just for lil’ ole me! We can have a proper hen party, can’t we honey? Maybe you can make us some tea, I’ll get out some biscuits, and we’ll have a grand time. How sweet, how sweet!” Julie came inside and made her way immediately to the kitchen. Grandma observed the niceties of social dynamics as well as any woman her age, but she couldn’t quite deliver on the hospitality angle. Julie set to work putting the kettle on.
“Tell me, darlin’, how are things with you?” asked Grandma, settling herself in her armchair, lowering the volume of the TV but not going so far as to turn it off. For her, it truly was the electronic hearth. “Y’all run around so much, I hardly know what you’re up to anymore. Well, ‘cepting football, naturally. My Matthew! I’m so proud, I could spit!”
Julie tried to keep the mental image of Grandma propelling a huge loogey across the room from entering her mind, but she didn’t quite manage it. She stifled a giggle.
“Um, things are good, Grandma, thanks for asking,” she replied, her voice thick with suppressed laughter. “It’s true, we’re really busy with everything going on right now. It’s pretty exciting, semis coming up.”
“Exciting?! It’s thrilling, that’s what it is! Why I remember when we last won State, I guess it wasn’t so long ago, but I do love to travel down that memory lane. I just can’t imagine what it’d be like to see my Matthew out there playin’ for State if they get that far. I might just die from happiness.”
Julie didn’t want to consider how likely this scenario might actually be.
“So Grandma, you think Matt is excited about semis and everything?” asked Julie, taking down a couple of tea cups from the shelf. “I think he’s been a little...a little...nervous lately.”
“Oh, well, that’s natural, honey. He’s got a lot riding on his shoulders right now, lots of pressure. But I’ve always thought he plays his best under pressure. I mean you remember the night of Jason Street’s accident? Terrible thing, tragic. But Matt, he just stepped right up, threw that pass all the way down the field...won the game! Just the start of his career, too. Two more years to develop his skills. He’ll be a force to reckon with, you mark my words. I can’t wait to see it.”
Amen, Grandma, thought Julie. She took the kettle off the stove and set about making the tea. She prepped the teapot just the way Grandma had shown her: one teaspoon of tea for each person, and one for the pot. Swirl with hot water and let it steep.
“Well, I just wondered if you noticed anything unusual lately, like how tired he seems to be,” said Julie as casually as she could. “Is he...is he getting enough to eat? Is he sleeping OK?” She started to prepare the tea tray with cups, spoons, and sugar.
“Oh he’s fine, honey. He’s one to get a little wound up sometimes, so maybe that’s what you’re noticing. And of course he’s always been a little more...susceptible, I suppose is the word...to being run down since the leukemia.”
Julie dropped the teapot.
The crash scared both of them, but Julie stayed rooted in place. Hot tea, tea leaves, and pottery shards shot to the far corners of the kitchen.
“Oh my goodness, honey!” cried Grandma, hurrying to the kitchen. “Are you alright? Are you burned? Quick now, step away from there and make sure you’re OK.” Grandma reached for a dish towel and dropped it over the tea pooling on the linoleum and went to look for the broom.
“Now don’t worry, you can borrow some jeans or something and we’ll wash out your pants, maybe even your shoes, and it will all be fine,” she said, returning to the kitchen with the broom and dustpan. “Are you OK? You gave us quite a scare.”
She peered up at Julie as she bent over the mess.
Julie was completely immobile. She felt the tea soaking through her shoes and registered that it was hot, but still she couldn’t move. Grandma began dabbing half-heartedly at the cuffs of Julie’s pants.
“Honey, come on now, move away from there and help me clean up a bit,” said Grandma, standing up. “Don’t fuss, it was just an accident. I have another teapot around here somewhere we can use.”
Finally Julie stepped away and absently bent down to pick up the larger shards of the teapot.
“Um, so, so Grandma, Matt is...is more likely to be...sick? Because of the...leukemia? Has that...always been the case?” She forced herself to concentrate on Grandma’s reply. Her mind was reeling.
“Well that was the case awhile ago, when they were treating him. He had all kind of infections and whatnot when he was on the radiation and chemo. It’s true what they say about cancer treatment...it’s worse than the disease itself. And he was only a little boy, of course. So much time in the hospital. It was hard on all of us.” They were getting the tea disaster under control.
“How old was he again, Grandma?” asked Julie, trying to keep her voice from rising into a scream.
“Well, I think he was six when he was diagnosed, and he was under treatment for more than a year, if I recall correctly. He came to Dillon to live with me when he was ten, after he was in remission, ‘cause the strain on his parents was just too much, too much to handle. And his dad, well, he was off on maneuvers most of the time, so his mom had to do most of the caregiving. It about wore her out. And financially, well, they just never recovered. It’s criminal, what they charge for medicine, it truly is.” Grandma stood up.
“There now, that’s looking much better. Shall we try it again, honey? I’m feeling a bit hungry.”
Julie had to sit down a moment before starting the tea again. She felt tears welling up but choked them back. Grandma obviously thought she already knew about Matt’s leukemia. Having this knowledge explained so, so much about Matt, his family and financial situation. It was a lot to digest all at once.
But it was also information that was ill-gotten. She had gone to Grandma to find out anything she could to help Matt during this critical time, but this...this was not what she was expecting to hear. And it would be wrong, very wrong, if she didn’t confess what she knew to him.
Oh. God.
***
Matt couldn’t wait a week to hear back from the lab about his blood tests. If something serious were wrong, he’d need to get treated quickly, and he’d have to let Coach know he probably wouldn’t be able to play in these upcoming games. Game. He tried not to think about the Panthers getting to State, with or without him. Trying to keep his head on straight, as Coach always said.
There were only a couple of labs in town. His tests would have to be at one of them. He got out the phone book that night after work and looked them up. He’d have to call the next day from school. He wrote down the numbers and put them in his book bag.
Now he needed a good ruse.
The next day, during his free period, he walked across campus to the one pay phone still operating nearby. He dialed up the first lab.
“You have reached Diagnostics Medical Labs,” the automated system said. “If you know your party’s extension, you may dial it now...” Matt immediately dialed 0. “Please hold while we transfer your call.”
He then spent some ten minutes in voicemail limbo, trying to locate a live person to talk to. He decided to try this lab back later. He hung up and dialed the other lab’s number.
“Med Lab,” said a woman on the other end after two rings. A real person.
“Uh, hi, uh, I was...wondering if my lab results have come back yet,” said Matt. “Could you check for me?”
“If you haven’t received a call from your doctor, then the results aren’t available yet, sir,” said the woman. Matt could hear her pop her gum.
“Well, yeah, my doctor called this morning and left me a message, but I can’t get hold of him now until next week, so I wonder if you could just give me my results instead.”
“Sir, we’re not allowed to give that kind of information out over the phone,” said the woman, who seemed to be typing as she was talking to him. “You need to discuss your results with your doctor.” She sounded ready to hang up.
“Well, I understand that, ma’am, but since they’re my results, and I’m giving you permission to read them to me, there shouldn’t be any problem, right?” Matt hoped this approach was going to work. He didn’t have a back-up plan.
“Sir, I’m not authorized to assist you in that way,” said the woman, who was obviously sticking to a well-rehearsed menu of responses. “I can have you speak to a supervisor if you’d like.”
“Yes, yes, please,” said Matt.
“Hold please,” she said, with one last, very loud crack of her gum.
Matt waited. A minute, two. Five. Finally a man’s voice came on the line.
“Yes?” He sounded annoyed.
Matt had thought of a new tactic while he was on hold. He summoned up the spirit of Joel Saracen, hoping his grandfather wouldn’t mind that he was being impersonated in an illegal information-gathering operation.
“Yessir, this is Dr. Paul Richardson and I’m calling to confirm the test results for one of my patients, Saracen, Matthew. My secretary left a garbled voicemail about them this morning and I can’t make head nor tails out of it.” Matt mentally crossed his fingers.
“What’s the name again?” said the man, holding the phone away from his mouth.
“S-A-R-A-C-E-N, Matthew.” Please please please...
“Saracen. Saracen. Hold on, there are some that haven’t been filed yet.” Another pause.
“Here it is...Saracen. Uh, the panel showed anemia.”
Matt’s heart skipped a few beats.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear you...did you say, anemia or leukemia?” Matt hoped he sounded like a vague old country doctor and not some sort of nut.
“Anemia. Anemia. Low levels of hemoglobin. Treatable.”
Matt swallowed hard. “Thank you, thanks very much.”
“Um-hmm,” said the voice on the other end, and then he hung up.
Matt hung up the pay phone. He had to sit down on the ground for a minute.
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you...
***
Matt was working at the Alamo Freeze again the next night. He had already called his pediatrician, telling them the lab had called him first with the test results and could he get a prescription for ProCrit immediately? He was planning to go by the Street’s pharmacy after work to pick it up. So he could pick himself up as. Fast. As. Possible.
His relief was making him giddy, and he blew through his shift.
He was in the process of closing the restaurant when he saw a car pull up. It was Mrs. Taylor. With Julie.
This was odd. Were they checking up on him?
Julie came inside.
“Hey,” she said, approaching the counter. She kept her gaze on her shoes.
“Hey,” he replied. “What’s up? Are you guys hungry or somethin’, ‘cause I’ve already turned everything off...”
“No, no, we’re not here for food,” said Julie, strangely ill at ease. “Are..are you almost done? I need to talk to you about something. My mom drove me. She’s...she’s waiting in the car.” She paused. “We can drive you home after. If you want.”
“Sure, just let me lock up the back, and I’ll be right out.” He hadn’t thought about how he was going to tell Julie about the anemia just yet, but at least he could tell her that there really wasn’t anything to worry about. A few pills, and he’d be fine. Time to get excited about semis again.
Julie was roiling with dread. Telling him about her conversation with Grandma was going to out him on the most fundamental level possible. She wasn’t sure how he’d react. He’d never made the slightest mention of being sick, of the resulting strain on his parents, how they’d split and sent him to Dillon. She just needed to apologize for finding out what she shouldn’t have, and confess that it was only her concern for him that created this situation. It sounded reasonable. It was reasonable. Wasn’t it?
Matt came around the counter and took Julie by the hand, leading her to the back corner table where Mrs. Taylor wouldn’t be able to see them. Before she could launch into her rehearsed speech, Matt pulled her close and kissed her-- on the mouth, on the cheek, on her ear, her hair, her throat, back to her mouth, again and again, holding her tight. She could feel his heart beating against her chest. He was grinning ear to ear.
“I’m so glad to see you,” he said, hugging her.
“Uh, me too,” said Julie. She hadn’t seen him this happy...well, maybe ever.
“You know, I found out today what’s been wrong with me,” he said, pulling her by the hand to sit at the table. “It’s just anemia! No big thing! A round of pills and I’ll be fine! I’m really, really sorry for how I’ve been acting, I know you’ve been worried about me, and I guess...I guess I was sorta worried too, because I haven’t felt this bad in...well, I haven’t felt bad like this in a long time, and I’m just so relieved that it’s nothing, really. I’ll be able to play, maybe not 100%, but I’ll be OK, I’ll be so excited that it’ll more than make up for being a little run down all this time. I can even tell your mom and dad so they don’t have to worry anymore too. Isn’t that great?” He drew breath and leaned towards her, still holding her hands.
Julie tried to switch gears quickly to catch up with his good mood.
“I’m...I’m so glad you’re gonna be OK,” she said, trying to sound as happy as she felt, because she did. Her heart was about to burst.
Instead, she burst into tears.
“Jules?” Matt wasn’t sure what had just happened.
Julie sobbed, holding his hands.
“I’m so sorry...I’m so sorry,” she said, choking on her tears.
“What do you mean?” asked Matt, confused.
“I didn’t mean to, I just didn’t mean to find out this way,” said Julie, trying to take deep breaths to calm herself down.
“Find out what?” Matt was completely lost.
“I went to talk to Grandma because I was so worried about you and she told me about the leukemia and I just about had a heart attack and I know I shouldn’t have found out about it like that and it wasn’t Grandma’s fault, I think she forgot that I didn’t already know about it, and I was just...just...scared to death about you and please, please forgive me, I’m so sorry...” She took her hands out of his and put them over her face.
Matt sat back in his seat.
Julie stopped crying but didn’t know if she could look up. She rubbed the tears away with the back of her hands, waiting for him to say something. Anything.
“I’m just so glad you’re OK,” said Julie again, feeling a lump start in her throat. Her heart was hammering against her ribs. She lowered her hands to the table and played with her rings. She still couldn’t look at him.
“I suppose it’s about time you knew,” said Matt quietly. “I...I should have told you awhile ago.”
Relief flooded through her, and at last, she looked up .
“It’s...I’ve never really talked about it,” Matt continued. “It was...it was a really hard time.” He swallowed. Julie tried not to hold her breath.
“You’re just never sure it’s gone for good,” he said. “You never know. And nobody can tell you. It’s just kinda always with you. It makes it hard to think about the future.” He paused. “Except for Landry, nobody knows about it here. Well, except my doctors. I just didn’t want to be ‘that leukemia kid,’ and have it be the only thing people knew about me. I guess what happened instead was that I didn’t define myself at all. It was easier...it was easier, but I don’t know if it was better.”
He looked at her in that intense Matt way.
Of course. Of course he looks at the world this way.
“I think...maybe...I can let go of all that now.”
Julie leaped out of her seat to wrap herself around him.
***
Soon after their conversation at the Alamo Freeze, Julie passed by her locker at school one morning and remembered she needed a book. She spun the lock before dialing the combination and opening the door.
On top of a pile of books was the LIVESTRONG bracelet.