a fan's love is never enough
i know this would sound so stooopid but i'm stoopid anyway so i wouldn't care.
back then, when i first fell in love with jungsoo, i was really, absolutely, totally crazy, possessive,obsessive(?) that even when I saw his pictures with fellow staffs of KTR, i got so upset and jealous.
but overtime, i began to feel OK seeing him with girls ( on variety shows whatsoever) and then came Kim Na Young(and she talked of how Teuk used to tell her that he liked her (?) and I kinda hated her. and she was guesting on Idol Show and became Teuk's partner and my heart literally bled. Just why did she come to the show?
And then I decided I wouldn't watch that episode. But I gave in and watched in the end. I didn't know when, but I guess, I stopped hating her afterwards. (lol, poor Na Young unni)
I guess I still couldn't accept/ imagine Teuk with any girl by then, and then I read translations of his cyworld entries of how he felt so lonely and how much he wanted a girlfriend, and my heart just hurt so much more. I remembered I read somewhere that a fan said "aren't we enough to love you?" and I was like why does it have to be this painful? of course a fan's love is HUGE, but it can never be the same as a girlfriend's love.
and by then i started wishing he would find a girlfriend soon and i'd be very very happy if he found one and be happier and stopped feeling so lonely and sad.
And recently, there was (still is, i guess) a ring on his finger. And it makes me wonder, does he really have someone now? I should be HAPPY, right? Didn't I say i'd be HAPPY if he found one? But why does it hurts so much?
If he truly have someone in his heart now and he's happy with her, i wish him all the best. My heart will break but it doesn't matter. Whoever that girl is, she's too darn lucky. I'm jealous. jealous. jealous. I'm so jealous I could die.
If she ever cheats on Jungsoo, I'm gonna hunt her to the grave. Don't ever mistreat my ahjusshi oppa. or I'll take him back. and, how am i gonna do that? AHHH! I'm pathetic!
back then, when i first fell in love with jungsoo, i was really, absolutely, totally crazy, possessive,obsessive(?) that even when I saw his pictures with fellow staffs of KTR, i got so upset and jealous.
but overtime, i began to feel OK seeing him with girls ( on variety shows whatsoever) and then came Kim Na Young(and she talked of how Teuk used to tell her that he liked her (?) and I kinda hated her. and she was guesting on Idol Show and became Teuk's partner and my heart literally bled. Just why did she come to the show?
And then I decided I wouldn't watch that episode. But I gave in and watched in the end. I didn't know when, but I guess, I stopped hating her afterwards. (lol, poor Na Young unni)
I guess I still couldn't accept/ imagine Teuk with any girl by then, and then I read translations of his cyworld entries of how he felt so lonely and how much he wanted a girlfriend, and my heart just hurt so much more. I remembered I read somewhere that a fan said "aren't we enough to love you?" and I was like why does it have to be this painful? of course a fan's love is HUGE, but it can never be the same as a girlfriend's love.
and by then i started wishing he would find a girlfriend soon and i'd be very very happy if he found one and be happier and stopped feeling so lonely and sad.
And recently, there was (still is, i guess) a ring on his finger. And it makes me wonder, does he really have someone now? I should be HAPPY, right? Didn't I say i'd be HAPPY if he found one? But why does it hurts so much?
If he truly have someone in his heart now and he's happy with her, i wish him all the best. My heart will break but it doesn't matter. Whoever that girl is, she's too darn lucky. I'm jealous. jealous. jealous. I'm so jealous I could die.
If she ever cheats on Jungsoo, I'm gonna hunt her to the grave. Don't ever mistreat my ahjusshi oppa. or I'll take him back. and, how am i gonna do that? AHHH! I'm pathetic!