"There's a smell and people are pointing at you".
I'm starting to feel a little lazy, a little flabby and slightly out of breath. I recently joined a Jewish gym, and it is closed the entire week for Passover. God forbid I go for a walk, or lift my dumbbells at home. What the heck. It's the perfect excuse to slack off.
Now, anyone who knows me personally for more than a few weeks will know that I am atheist. I respect the religious beliefs of other people, and have no interest in debunking god. Personally, though, it's not for me. Ever since I was in the third grade, I'd sit in the back of my Hebrew School class and think, "this is bullshit".
So why, you may ask, did I join a Jewish health club? For one, it's ultra convenient. Just 2 blocks from where I work, I can run over there on my lunch hour and pack in some Elliptical and weights. It's desolate in the middle of the day. Just a few sweet old retired men, and me. Oh, and a teenage boy who talks to someone only he can see in Donald Duck voices. He also imitates sheep. baahhhhaahhhh. Is it rude to be entertained by this? I keep it internal. I'm sure I don't smirk. But it's refreshing to share workout time with someone who is on a completely different plane than, well, everyone. I think it's brilliant that his mother brings him to work out. What a great way to deal with the emotional distress.
The main reason why I joined this gym, though, is because I was kicked out of my last one. It was a cardio kick gym. I went for over 2 years. Then, one day, the owner called me into his conference room after class. I didn't even know there was a conference room. I had no idea what he was going to say before he said it.
"There's a smell and people are pointing their finger at you".
Completely sidelined, the only reply that came to mind was, "What? This is really embarrassing. I'm out of here".
I admit, my boxing gloves were a little spicy. Imagine if they educated their members on glove cleaning? Then thinking back, I did notice that someone moved my boxing bag when I went to the bathroom to get a tissue. Another time, perhaps the week before, some teenage brat moved her own bag right next to the wall when I moved my bag sort of kind of near hers. At the time I thought, "what is she doing working out next to the wall? That can't be very comfortable". Apparently, it's because I smelled.
There was another sign I missed. Three weeks before, the "anonymous" email about hygiene. Everyone should some to class showered, wearing deodorant, and with clean clothes. No shit. I did not even think this was targeted to me because of course I do all those things. Perhaps if they mentioned GLOVE hygiene, I would have noticed, and not ignored the message. In retrospect, the email was obviously sent only to me. I just don't get it sometimes.
I just don't get it, and I don't know why I try to fit my octo-poly-hexagonal semi-radial shape into a square hole. Those women were so catty. So clique. All either teachers, or very wealthy women with Mercedes and Porches. I mean, I worked out there for TWO years or more, and all of the sudden I smelled so bad nobody could take it anymore?
I'm gay. Maybe someone found out. I wear weird hats with socks sprouting out the top. I have dandruff. Sometimes I wore scary black Led Zeppelin concert tee shirts to class. And although I could kick circles around most of those 25 years olds, I'm not a young hot girlie girl princess. I drive a car that's almost 10 years old.
Did they really kick me out, some people ask. (I can't believe I would even tell anyone this story). Yes, they did. They let my membership run out, so I wouldn't ask for a refund on my unused classes. Cheap bastard. And the insensitivity of it was not exactly the opening of a two way conversation.
And though now it makes for a good story, I was seriously damaged for 2 weeks. I cried that night, and the next day. I sniffed my underarms every time I passed someone in public. My shaky confidence plummeted. Anything I deserved to be proud of in my life became meaningless.
Hey, whatever. I have my new Jewish gym to go to now. And though a bit boring, my joints don't ache. I can sit down without squealing from charlie horse butt pain. That couldn't have been too healthy for me. Two years is enough to stick to one exercise. It was time to move on. Also, he lost a lot a lot of money. I'm sure gyms always get their members that come and go. Resolutionists, I like to call them. The thousands of dollars I spend on gear, workouts, etc, consistently, year after year. will not go to Sifu Asshole.
and Sifu Asshole, if you come across this blog one day, I hope your intestines pop through your balls the next time you do a situp.
Peace,
Beatirce
Now, anyone who knows me personally for more than a few weeks will know that I am atheist. I respect the religious beliefs of other people, and have no interest in debunking god. Personally, though, it's not for me. Ever since I was in the third grade, I'd sit in the back of my Hebrew School class and think, "this is bullshit".
So why, you may ask, did I join a Jewish health club? For one, it's ultra convenient. Just 2 blocks from where I work, I can run over there on my lunch hour and pack in some Elliptical and weights. It's desolate in the middle of the day. Just a few sweet old retired men, and me. Oh, and a teenage boy who talks to someone only he can see in Donald Duck voices. He also imitates sheep. baahhhhaahhhh. Is it rude to be entertained by this? I keep it internal. I'm sure I don't smirk. But it's refreshing to share workout time with someone who is on a completely different plane than, well, everyone. I think it's brilliant that his mother brings him to work out. What a great way to deal with the emotional distress.
The main reason why I joined this gym, though, is because I was kicked out of my last one. It was a cardio kick gym. I went for over 2 years. Then, one day, the owner called me into his conference room after class. I didn't even know there was a conference room. I had no idea what he was going to say before he said it.
"There's a smell and people are pointing their finger at you".
Completely sidelined, the only reply that came to mind was, "What? This is really embarrassing. I'm out of here".
I admit, my boxing gloves were a little spicy. Imagine if they educated their members on glove cleaning? Then thinking back, I did notice that someone moved my boxing bag when I went to the bathroom to get a tissue. Another time, perhaps the week before, some teenage brat moved her own bag right next to the wall when I moved my bag sort of kind of near hers. At the time I thought, "what is she doing working out next to the wall? That can't be very comfortable". Apparently, it's because I smelled.
There was another sign I missed. Three weeks before, the "anonymous" email about hygiene. Everyone should some to class showered, wearing deodorant, and with clean clothes. No shit. I did not even think this was targeted to me because of course I do all those things. Perhaps if they mentioned GLOVE hygiene, I would have noticed, and not ignored the message. In retrospect, the email was obviously sent only to me. I just don't get it sometimes.
I just don't get it, and I don't know why I try to fit my octo-poly-hexagonal semi-radial shape into a square hole. Those women were so catty. So clique. All either teachers, or very wealthy women with Mercedes and Porches. I mean, I worked out there for TWO years or more, and all of the sudden I smelled so bad nobody could take it anymore?
I'm gay. Maybe someone found out. I wear weird hats with socks sprouting out the top. I have dandruff. Sometimes I wore scary black Led Zeppelin concert tee shirts to class. And although I could kick circles around most of those 25 years olds, I'm not a young hot girlie girl princess. I drive a car that's almost 10 years old.
Did they really kick me out, some people ask. (I can't believe I would even tell anyone this story). Yes, they did. They let my membership run out, so I wouldn't ask for a refund on my unused classes. Cheap bastard. And the insensitivity of it was not exactly the opening of a two way conversation.
And though now it makes for a good story, I was seriously damaged for 2 weeks. I cried that night, and the next day. I sniffed my underarms every time I passed someone in public. My shaky confidence plummeted. Anything I deserved to be proud of in my life became meaningless.
Hey, whatever. I have my new Jewish gym to go to now. And though a bit boring, my joints don't ache. I can sit down without squealing from charlie horse butt pain. That couldn't have been too healthy for me. Two years is enough to stick to one exercise. It was time to move on. Also, he lost a lot a lot of money. I'm sure gyms always get their members that come and go. Resolutionists, I like to call them. The thousands of dollars I spend on gear, workouts, etc, consistently, year after year. will not go to Sifu Asshole.
and Sifu Asshole, if you come across this blog one day, I hope your intestines pop through your balls the next time you do a situp.
Peace,
Beatirce