Time...Look Where We Are
So, I was out grocery shopping this afternoon and I bump into an old friend. This girl and I used to be SUPER close, but after I changed schools and she decided to get into things I knew weren't right for me...we sort of just parted ways. I still miss her, I still think of her often, and I still love her to death. Just because we weren't on the same level about certain things did not mean I looked down at her. Out of everyone I know, other then the hubby and family...even though I haven't talked to her in a few years, I would do anything in my power to help her if she needed it.
We became friends when I moved to AR and started this private school. Neither of us felt comfortable there because if you weren't a "perfect" person they looked down their noses at you. We immediately clicked. We were best friends for like 6 or 7 years. We had SO much fun together. We didn't even have to do anything, we amused ourselves because we were both goofy and found humor in the small things. Dude, we were nuts, lol. I still think back and crack up thinking about the things we did.
But she started getting into drugs, pretty heavily, and I just wasn't into that. I am NOT going to say I never tried anything...I smoked weed a few times, so I'm not all " I'm better than you and you're SUCH a bad person!" not at all. I loved her and it honestly hurt me to see her do that to herself. She is soo smart and so funny, just a great person...without the drugs. With them, she just...wasn't the person I knew, ya know? So after I changed schools and she started hanging out with a really shady crowd...whom I hate because they are the reason she even tried those drugs in the first place, we just sort of lost touch for the main part.
Anywho, I see her today. First time I have REALLY talked to her in almost three years. And she's high as a kite. Last time I saw her, she was working so I couldn't really chat with her, she looked so good. You could tell she was clear headed and happy, telling me about her beautiful baby girl. But today, she was so out of it. Her eyes were glossy...just killed me to see her like that. I KNOW that look, I KNOW her. And I hate that she's into all of that mess again, because she has so much damn potential and she's wasting it. She had her fiance with her...who actually, we haven't talked in ages so they may be married (man, I feel bad now), and he looked not to straight himself.
I honestly miss her like crazy. She is one of the few people I have EVER been able to be my true self around. The others are the hubby and my cousin. Most people I'm too afraid will judge me or think I'm weird. But around her, I can just be "goofy Mandy" and she doesn't care...she's the same way. BUt I know, I can't stand to see her like that To look into her eyes and see them glossed over and just empty when I know she has so much life in her. She also mentioned about being somewhere for 2 months, but wouldn't say where because my little sister was there. I think I know. I feel like a horrible friend, because I do really miss her and love her to death. I should call more often, have her do things with me...maybe keep her away from some of that crap. But I also know her...she's stubborn and if she's doing these things no one is going to make her stop. It just hurts me to see someone I love and care about wasting their life like that. When I first saw her it was from the side, so I didn't see her eyes and I was so happy to see her. The second I looked into them my stomach dropped. I knew she was back on drugs and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.
*sighs* I'm writing a book AND depressing myself here. It just hit me really hard today and made me think about the possibility of losing her and not even really knowing her anymore, when she used to be this HUGE part of my life. Damn I miss her.
Mandy~
We became friends when I moved to AR and started this private school. Neither of us felt comfortable there because if you weren't a "perfect" person they looked down their noses at you. We immediately clicked. We were best friends for like 6 or 7 years. We had SO much fun together. We didn't even have to do anything, we amused ourselves because we were both goofy and found humor in the small things. Dude, we were nuts, lol. I still think back and crack up thinking about the things we did.
But she started getting into drugs, pretty heavily, and I just wasn't into that. I am NOT going to say I never tried anything...I smoked weed a few times, so I'm not all " I'm better than you and you're SUCH a bad person!" not at all. I loved her and it honestly hurt me to see her do that to herself. She is soo smart and so funny, just a great person...without the drugs. With them, she just...wasn't the person I knew, ya know? So after I changed schools and she started hanging out with a really shady crowd...whom I hate because they are the reason she even tried those drugs in the first place, we just sort of lost touch for the main part.
Anywho, I see her today. First time I have REALLY talked to her in almost three years. And she's high as a kite. Last time I saw her, she was working so I couldn't really chat with her, she looked so good. You could tell she was clear headed and happy, telling me about her beautiful baby girl. But today, she was so out of it. Her eyes were glossy...just killed me to see her like that. I KNOW that look, I KNOW her. And I hate that she's into all of that mess again, because she has so much damn potential and she's wasting it. She had her fiance with her...who actually, we haven't talked in ages so they may be married (man, I feel bad now), and he looked not to straight himself.
I honestly miss her like crazy. She is one of the few people I have EVER been able to be my true self around. The others are the hubby and my cousin. Most people I'm too afraid will judge me or think I'm weird. But around her, I can just be "goofy Mandy" and she doesn't care...she's the same way. BUt I know, I can't stand to see her like that To look into her eyes and see them glossed over and just empty when I know she has so much life in her. She also mentioned about being somewhere for 2 months, but wouldn't say where because my little sister was there. I think I know. I feel like a horrible friend, because I do really miss her and love her to death. I should call more often, have her do things with me...maybe keep her away from some of that crap. But I also know her...she's stubborn and if she's doing these things no one is going to make her stop. It just hurts me to see someone I love and care about wasting their life like that. When I first saw her it was from the side, so I didn't see her eyes and I was so happy to see her. The second I looked into them my stomach dropped. I knew she was back on drugs and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.
*sighs* I'm writing a book AND depressing myself here. It just hit me really hard today and made me think about the possibility of losing her and not even really knowing her anymore, when she used to be this HUGE part of my life. Damn I miss her.
Mandy~