FanFick Update...
Ok I finally finished this chapter now. Whew.. it was a bit longer and in parts a bit more angsty but I like how it came out. But once again I apologize for my absence. Work and life have been a bit nus, and the Bruins being in the Stanley Cup Confernce Finals now has been highly distacting, who would've thought my boys would win 2 rounds. They've been awesome.. but anyways heres the new chappie.. hope you enjoy..
Chapter 8= In the midst of life...
She stood at the firing range, loading her gun, trying not to think, just trying to focus on it. She needed to get back to work. Needed something to do, something to accomplish. Something else to focus on to distract her from the mess things were in at this point. Her fingers were finally working, the bandages finally off and loading the gun, Ziva aimed at the target.
It had been almost 2 weeks since the conersatin turned arguement with Tony. She hadn't seen or heard from him during that time. No one knew where he was actually. It had made her angry and scard at the same time, a feeling she didn't want. Never mind the fact that her emotions were completly out of whack of late. The pregnancy was making them harder to control.
Taking a deep breath she tried concetrate again, trying to get that cold clarity that came with expert shooters. The ability to hone in a tager, even in the most extreme of circumstances. It was a killers mind and eye and she deperatly needed to get it back, even though there was a part of her that hated it and always would.
Honing in like a hawk she fired 6 shots in succesion, seeing the target move as she hit it with each bullet. The familar feel of the gun in her hand made her natural instinct and talent take over, if only briefly.The pain would come back but for the moment her mind was clear.
Finally finishing she hit the button that brought the target close to her and was satified to see her accuracy was even better, most of them were dead center. She stared at it for a moment, a small smile. A small comfort. It was something. But her thoughts were coming back again. Hard.
Sitting down on nearby chair she took the headphons off and looked at the target, paper, with holes through the heart and head, seeming to stare though it, going back in time...
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2 weeks earlier..
"Are you gonna say something?" She asked him after a long moment of silence. "I mean.. usually you have something to say about everything.."
He looked up, seeming to be stunned silent, but there was something in her eyes that seemed to stir a little something in him. Something like anger, and a little fear as well.
"What do you want me to say?" He asked honestly. "I thought.. it wasn't possible I mean we.."
"We what?" She returned, seeing the look that was growing there, it dismayed her greatly. "Nothing is one hurdred percent Tony you know that."
"How long?" He asked, not answering what she just said. "How long have you known?"
She appeared to think for a second and then answered honestly. "4 weeks."
"In other words.. before you were shot right?" he asked with increduilty. "Didn't think to mention that before you went out on the street did you?"
Her brown eyes seemed to register a flare of anger at this. "Well I hadn't decided wihat to do about it yet."
"You?" It was his turn look incredulous now. "It concerns both of us and you know it."
"Does it?" She asked, feeling and not reining the urge to get snippy and hutrful. It aways amazed her how easy it was for this to happen with them. "Your track record isn't comforting when it comes to responibility is it?" She eyed the drink he had. "Especially of late.."
Glory Christ was she actually referring to the pills. He needed thos, at least he told himself that. But it was also just like her to bring up his past history as well. In his insane need to deflect off himself it had never occured to him that she good reason to be mistrstful, not just because of him but because of her own history. But hadn't he proven she could trust him dammit.
"What are trying to say that I'm gonna cut and run?" He stood up, putting his glass down hard on the table with a thud that caused some of the ice to tumble out. "Is that really what you think of me? Even after all this time?"
She didn't answer, not knowing if she could say it. Say the truth. That right now, she wasn't sure she could. He wasn't right, and maybe right now neither was she. They were both hurting in different ways and that hurt was causing to bite and scratch eachother. She had a feeling it was only gonna get worse.
"Of course I do." She finally said. "It's just.. lately.."
"Lately what?"
"I think you know.." was all she said, crossing her arms defensively.
It was his turn to be quiet, completly uncharacteristic of him. But he really couldn't think of anything to say at that moment. He was overwhelmed. Completly overwhelmed by everything. Her, the shooting everything. The easy way he'd always juggled everything had deserted him and now nothing was left but the fear. The fear of fucking everything up, which was exactly what he was doing.
"Your implying that I'm irresponible right now is that it?" He said with a scary hiss in his voice. "Your one to talk about that aren't ya?"
Ziva looked at him in hurt shock. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"You were pregnant and knowingly went out in the field that's what." He answered walking up to her. Wanting to stop himelf but unable to. "We're you trying to kill it or something? Cause that would've solved the problme wouldn't it.. and absovled you conceince.."
The hurt and anger on her face made him regret saying it. But she didn't know that, and at that point and just reacted instaneaously. Her hand flew and she slapped him hard, a very sharp sound in the quiet apartment. He actually almost fell over from the blow it was that hard.
"I may be 'irresponible for putting myself in danger.." she hissed at h im, her eyes blazing. "But don't you dare suggest that I'm dare suggest i'm heartless.."
Tony rubbed his face and threw out yet another cutting remarrk before he could stop. His mouth always acting before his brain kicked in. "No but being a trained killer dosen't exactly go in hand in hand with motherhood does it?" He asked moving away. "Unless you Angelina Jolie that is.."
Before she could respond to that, he went for the door. He needed to get out, get away before something even worse came out. Like your gonna say anything worse that he thought reaching for the doorknob. Her voice briefly stopped him as he opened the door.
"Where are you going?" She asked in a slightly choked voice.
Without looking at her he answered. "Away.." Was all he said and walked out the door.
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Now 2 weeks later here she was, staring at her target, seeing the marksmenship. The tlent in her hands and thought of his last words to her. How could I be both? She asked herself. I've killed so many, how could I possibly be a mother?
Her thoughts were interrupted by a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Abby and smiled. She had her hair in her trademark pigtails and a t-shirt with a smiley face on it. She looked concerrned but much more herself today, for which Ziva was profoundly glad.
"I heard you were down here taking your weapons test." She said, andlooked at Ziva's target paper. "Damn never in my wildest dreams could I ever be that good, your like superhuman or something."
Ziva smiled at her. "No just well trained that's all." She looked down for a moment, trying to push that particular thought away. "Besides your fantastic at so many other things Abby..too numerous to count."
Abby smiled brightly and then asked. "Have you heard from him?"
"No she answered, knowing exactly what Abby was referring to. "He is, to use a military term, off the grid."
She looked sympathic and a trifle worried but let it go. Tony's whereabouts were pretty much unknown. The last time anyone had heard from was Gibbs when Tony called and informed him that was taking off for awhile. After that, nothing. Abby seemed to decied that talking about this served no purpose at the moment.
"I'm done for the day and I'm about to go pick up McGee from his physical therapy." She informed Ziva, brightening a little more thinking of McGee. "Probably gonna get a pizz and.. I don't know play some kind of game.." She looked at Ziva. "Your welcome to come over later and hang out."
Ziva thought about it for a moment. "I don't know.. I wouldn't want to interrup your time together."
"Oh come on Ziva." Abby said with her hand on her shoulder. "I might invite other people too, I mean.. its no fun playing cards with McGee.. cause I alway end up cleaning him out.." She grinned. "He can't play for crap.. never could even before this..."
This actually caused Ziva to laugh a little. "Then I guess I will have to recue you won't?" She winked. "And McGee's wallet.
"Excellent." Said Abby, clapping her hands together. "Then I will see you later!"
"Wouldn't miss it." Ziva answered, feeling a bit better, at least for now.
Abby saw her face and as Ziva stodd up, she hugged her again, a tight hug. The types that Ziva had gotten used to and loved. How could you not love an Abby hug.
"It's gonna be alright Ziva." She said over her shoulder, still smiling. "I can feel it.."
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McGee at the moment was struggling through his therapy, trying to find some good cheer in it. His left leg and arm were still not working properly. Wouldn't be for awhile from what he understood. Getting shot in the head and having a minor stroke will do that. But the physical stuff he knew would come back. You can teach yourself to walk again and shit like that. Was he was worried about the brain itself. Once it was damaged, he wondered if he could get any of that back. And for McGee the thinking and smarts part was what had always served him better in life.
"That's pretty good for someone who just started a couple days ago." His therapist said as he was helping him use the bars. "Your getting the strength back in your arms at least."
"It's frustrating as hell is what it is." McGee said with forced cheer. "And painful."
"That's normal." The therapist said. "But consider this.. your not paralzed Tim.. which means this will come back..just gotta keep working at it don't get discouraged that's all."
"Easy for you to say." McGee mubled but kept at it doggdly, like he did everything. And that was when he heard a voice that he'd been waitinfg for awhile now.
"Have I ever told you how cute you look in shorts McGee?" Abby's cheerful voice carried across the gym. "Just look at those legs.."
He turned and smiled, seeing her redolent in a that smiley face shirt and a plaid skirt, her pigtails lopsided as she tilted her head sideways and her hands on her hips. It was amazing how just the sight of her made him feel better.
"Hi Abs." He said as he was helped in a wheelchair, which he knew in his heart was only tempary. "You'll never know just how glad I am to see you." As she bent over to hug him he whispered in her ar in confidence. "He's like a slave-driver. "
She laughed a little and continued to hug him for a little longer, making sure to make it a good one. He had always loved when she hugged. When she was close like this. It made him want to keep her right there, to hold onto her, feeling like she could fly away at any minute like the beautiful bird she was.
"Well I'm here to resue you." She whispered back. "I always will be."
Knowing that he was good to go for now, Abby let him go and happily took the bars of his wheelchair and wheeled him toward the showers. McGee always noticed how people looked at Abby all the time. Curious and fascinated. Maybe even enamoured and how could you not be?
"So?" She asked him as she pushed him. "What do you think of pizza and cards and a few frinds? Feel up to it."
He thought about it. It had been a hard couple of weeks and he felt tired and worn out but thought, why not? It would be good to enjoy himself and not worry about the possibily of irreverable brain damage, or his career in doubt. He'd rather think about her to be honest.
"I'd love to." He said, looking up at her with a smile on his face.
She grinned and leaned down, kissing him on the top of the head. "I knew you would." She said, leaning overhim with her hand on his shoulder. "It's one of the things I love about you McGee."
And I love you.. he thought to himself but didn't say, not yet at least. But he felt it just the same. Thinking once he got himself together a bit more, mentally and physically, he was going to have show her that. Right now, the worry about physical and possibly mental damage kept him mum.
"But you better hope you have money in your wallet." She informed him with a devious grin on her cherubic face. "Cause I'm gonna clean you.."
--------------------------------------------
Sitting in the car on a side street in Baltimore, Tony rested his hands on the wheel, watching through the drizzle that was falling in the city. It always semed to rain in Baltimore he noted. It was like Seattle East.
The radio was playing but her barely heard it. Reaching over he popped another pill thoughtlessly and rubbed his shoulder. He was watching, waiting for something, someone. It was how he'd spent his days lately. The nights were another thing all together.
In the 2 weeks since he'd left Ziva, Tony had spent most nights in various bars here in Baltimore.Getting blitzed to put it mildy. The comination of that and Percs he knew wasn't good, and probably explained why he seemed to wake up most mornings having no recoletion of how he got to his hotel room. And usually slept til about 11 or 12 as well.
"You look like shit." He heard a familar voice say from beside him. He looked over and was unsprised to see Kate there. "When was the last time you took a shower?"
"Was wondering when you'd show up." He said, taking a drink from the bottle next to him. "You a few days late Jacob Marley."
"What are you doing here DiNozo?" She asked, looking at him penttratingly. "Trying to drink yourself to death in your car?"
"Waiting for someone." He asnwered, keeping his eyes on the alley. "got an appintment."
"Your waiting for him aren't you?" She asked still starting at him, it was a bit annoying. "Jeffries..and let me guess.. your not planning on caling for any backup."
"Since when is it your business what I'm doing." He said and took another drink frrom his bottle. "Your dead."
She ignored this. "You gonna kill him is that it?" She asked. "Think that'll make things better? Make you feel better about yourself?"
"Shut up." He replied. "And go haunt someone else."
"I may go away Tony but.. never very far." She informed him. "I'm in your head.. you can try and drive me away but.. i'm not going far."
He ignored this, Kate's ghost, or his concience manifestion was getting tiersome and irritating for a variety of reasons, the main one being that she was unfailingly right pretty much all the time. And didn't want to hear that. He wanted something, anything to make the pain and guilt go away. To stop seeing Ziva and McGee laying in there own blood in front of him. To not see the hurt and reproach in Ziva's eyes the last time he saw her.
"You need help Tony." Kate said simply. "And you know it.. why is it so hard for you to ask for it?"
"I said go away.." He said and for a wonder she did. When he looked over she was gone again. He didn't know whether he was relieved or sad about that.
Just then he saw what he'd came for, namely who he'd com for. The man coming down the alley he would've recognized anywhere. His source at the Balitmore PD had been correct it seemed. For a moment he saw the man holding the gun, fire coming out of the muzzle, the bullets striking hom on Ziva. His partner, his lover, the mother of his unborn child and his hands shook just a little.
He reached over onto the seat where Kate had mainfested herself not long ago and his hand closed around the gun there. Picking it up, he got out of the car, watching his intnded target walking down the side street. He had a moment to say to himself, what the hell are you doing sto it. But he walked after him just the same and raised his gun once they were both out of view.
"Thomas Jeffries!" He shouted out causing the man to stop and turn, looking at him with interest and recognition. "Remember me?" He cocked the hammer of the gun. "Cause I believe we have unfinished busines don't we?"
Chapter 8= In the midst of life...
She stood at the firing range, loading her gun, trying not to think, just trying to focus on it. She needed to get back to work. Needed something to do, something to accomplish. Something else to focus on to distract her from the mess things were in at this point. Her fingers were finally working, the bandages finally off and loading the gun, Ziva aimed at the target.
It had been almost 2 weeks since the conersatin turned arguement with Tony. She hadn't seen or heard from him during that time. No one knew where he was actually. It had made her angry and scard at the same time, a feeling she didn't want. Never mind the fact that her emotions were completly out of whack of late. The pregnancy was making them harder to control.
Taking a deep breath she tried concetrate again, trying to get that cold clarity that came with expert shooters. The ability to hone in a tager, even in the most extreme of circumstances. It was a killers mind and eye and she deperatly needed to get it back, even though there was a part of her that hated it and always would.
Honing in like a hawk she fired 6 shots in succesion, seeing the target move as she hit it with each bullet. The familar feel of the gun in her hand made her natural instinct and talent take over, if only briefly.The pain would come back but for the moment her mind was clear.
Finally finishing she hit the button that brought the target close to her and was satified to see her accuracy was even better, most of them were dead center. She stared at it for a moment, a small smile. A small comfort. It was something. But her thoughts were coming back again. Hard.
Sitting down on nearby chair she took the headphons off and looked at the target, paper, with holes through the heart and head, seeming to stare though it, going back in time...
---------------
2 weeks earlier..
"Are you gonna say something?" She asked him after a long moment of silence. "I mean.. usually you have something to say about everything.."
He looked up, seeming to be stunned silent, but there was something in her eyes that seemed to stir a little something in him. Something like anger, and a little fear as well.
"What do you want me to say?" He asked honestly. "I thought.. it wasn't possible I mean we.."
"We what?" She returned, seeing the look that was growing there, it dismayed her greatly. "Nothing is one hurdred percent Tony you know that."
"How long?" He asked, not answering what she just said. "How long have you known?"
She appeared to think for a second and then answered honestly. "4 weeks."
"In other words.. before you were shot right?" he asked with increduilty. "Didn't think to mention that before you went out on the street did you?"
Her brown eyes seemed to register a flare of anger at this. "Well I hadn't decided wihat to do about it yet."
"You?" It was his turn look incredulous now. "It concerns both of us and you know it."
"Does it?" She asked, feeling and not reining the urge to get snippy and hutrful. It aways amazed her how easy it was for this to happen with them. "Your track record isn't comforting when it comes to responibility is it?" She eyed the drink he had. "Especially of late.."
Glory Christ was she actually referring to the pills. He needed thos, at least he told himself that. But it was also just like her to bring up his past history as well. In his insane need to deflect off himself it had never occured to him that she good reason to be mistrstful, not just because of him but because of her own history. But hadn't he proven she could trust him dammit.
"What are trying to say that I'm gonna cut and run?" He stood up, putting his glass down hard on the table with a thud that caused some of the ice to tumble out. "Is that really what you think of me? Even after all this time?"
She didn't answer, not knowing if she could say it. Say the truth. That right now, she wasn't sure she could. He wasn't right, and maybe right now neither was she. They were both hurting in different ways and that hurt was causing to bite and scratch eachother. She had a feeling it was only gonna get worse.
"Of course I do." She finally said. "It's just.. lately.."
"Lately what?"
"I think you know.." was all she said, crossing her arms defensively.
It was his turn to be quiet, completly uncharacteristic of him. But he really couldn't think of anything to say at that moment. He was overwhelmed. Completly overwhelmed by everything. Her, the shooting everything. The easy way he'd always juggled everything had deserted him and now nothing was left but the fear. The fear of fucking everything up, which was exactly what he was doing.
"Your implying that I'm irresponible right now is that it?" He said with a scary hiss in his voice. "Your one to talk about that aren't ya?"
Ziva looked at him in hurt shock. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"You were pregnant and knowingly went out in the field that's what." He answered walking up to her. Wanting to stop himelf but unable to. "We're you trying to kill it or something? Cause that would've solved the problme wouldn't it.. and absovled you conceince.."
The hurt and anger on her face made him regret saying it. But she didn't know that, and at that point and just reacted instaneaously. Her hand flew and she slapped him hard, a very sharp sound in the quiet apartment. He actually almost fell over from the blow it was that hard.
"I may be 'irresponible for putting myself in danger.." she hissed at h im, her eyes blazing. "But don't you dare suggest that I'm dare suggest i'm heartless.."
Tony rubbed his face and threw out yet another cutting remarrk before he could stop. His mouth always acting before his brain kicked in. "No but being a trained killer dosen't exactly go in hand in hand with motherhood does it?" He asked moving away. "Unless you Angelina Jolie that is.."
Before she could respond to that, he went for the door. He needed to get out, get away before something even worse came out. Like your gonna say anything worse that he thought reaching for the doorknob. Her voice briefly stopped him as he opened the door.
"Where are you going?" She asked in a slightly choked voice.
Without looking at her he answered. "Away.." Was all he said and walked out the door.
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Now 2 weeks later here she was, staring at her target, seeing the marksmenship. The tlent in her hands and thought of his last words to her. How could I be both? She asked herself. I've killed so many, how could I possibly be a mother?
Her thoughts were interrupted by a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Abby and smiled. She had her hair in her trademark pigtails and a t-shirt with a smiley face on it. She looked concerrned but much more herself today, for which Ziva was profoundly glad.
"I heard you were down here taking your weapons test." She said, andlooked at Ziva's target paper. "Damn never in my wildest dreams could I ever be that good, your like superhuman or something."
Ziva smiled at her. "No just well trained that's all." She looked down for a moment, trying to push that particular thought away. "Besides your fantastic at so many other things Abby..too numerous to count."
Abby smiled brightly and then asked. "Have you heard from him?"
"No she answered, knowing exactly what Abby was referring to. "He is, to use a military term, off the grid."
She looked sympathic and a trifle worried but let it go. Tony's whereabouts were pretty much unknown. The last time anyone had heard from was Gibbs when Tony called and informed him that was taking off for awhile. After that, nothing. Abby seemed to decied that talking about this served no purpose at the moment.
"I'm done for the day and I'm about to go pick up McGee from his physical therapy." She informed Ziva, brightening a little more thinking of McGee. "Probably gonna get a pizz and.. I don't know play some kind of game.." She looked at Ziva. "Your welcome to come over later and hang out."
Ziva thought about it for a moment. "I don't know.. I wouldn't want to interrup your time together."
"Oh come on Ziva." Abby said with her hand on her shoulder. "I might invite other people too, I mean.. its no fun playing cards with McGee.. cause I alway end up cleaning him out.." She grinned. "He can't play for crap.. never could even before this..."
This actually caused Ziva to laugh a little. "Then I guess I will have to recue you won't?" She winked. "And McGee's wallet.
"Excellent." Said Abby, clapping her hands together. "Then I will see you later!"
"Wouldn't miss it." Ziva answered, feeling a bit better, at least for now.
Abby saw her face and as Ziva stodd up, she hugged her again, a tight hug. The types that Ziva had gotten used to and loved. How could you not love an Abby hug.
"It's gonna be alright Ziva." She said over her shoulder, still smiling. "I can feel it.."
------------------------------------------
McGee at the moment was struggling through his therapy, trying to find some good cheer in it. His left leg and arm were still not working properly. Wouldn't be for awhile from what he understood. Getting shot in the head and having a minor stroke will do that. But the physical stuff he knew would come back. You can teach yourself to walk again and shit like that. Was he was worried about the brain itself. Once it was damaged, he wondered if he could get any of that back. And for McGee the thinking and smarts part was what had always served him better in life.
"That's pretty good for someone who just started a couple days ago." His therapist said as he was helping him use the bars. "Your getting the strength back in your arms at least."
"It's frustrating as hell is what it is." McGee said with forced cheer. "And painful."
"That's normal." The therapist said. "But consider this.. your not paralzed Tim.. which means this will come back..just gotta keep working at it don't get discouraged that's all."
"Easy for you to say." McGee mubled but kept at it doggdly, like he did everything. And that was when he heard a voice that he'd been waitinfg for awhile now.
"Have I ever told you how cute you look in shorts McGee?" Abby's cheerful voice carried across the gym. "Just look at those legs.."
He turned and smiled, seeing her redolent in a that smiley face shirt and a plaid skirt, her pigtails lopsided as she tilted her head sideways and her hands on her hips. It was amazing how just the sight of her made him feel better.
"Hi Abs." He said as he was helped in a wheelchair, which he knew in his heart was only tempary. "You'll never know just how glad I am to see you." As she bent over to hug him he whispered in her ar in confidence. "He's like a slave-driver. "
She laughed a little and continued to hug him for a little longer, making sure to make it a good one. He had always loved when she hugged. When she was close like this. It made him want to keep her right there, to hold onto her, feeling like she could fly away at any minute like the beautiful bird she was.
"Well I'm here to resue you." She whispered back. "I always will be."
Knowing that he was good to go for now, Abby let him go and happily took the bars of his wheelchair and wheeled him toward the showers. McGee always noticed how people looked at Abby all the time. Curious and fascinated. Maybe even enamoured and how could you not be?
"So?" She asked him as she pushed him. "What do you think of pizza and cards and a few frinds? Feel up to it."
He thought about it. It had been a hard couple of weeks and he felt tired and worn out but thought, why not? It would be good to enjoy himself and not worry about the possibily of irreverable brain damage, or his career in doubt. He'd rather think about her to be honest.
"I'd love to." He said, looking up at her with a smile on his face.
She grinned and leaned down, kissing him on the top of the head. "I knew you would." She said, leaning overhim with her hand on his shoulder. "It's one of the things I love about you McGee."
And I love you.. he thought to himself but didn't say, not yet at least. But he felt it just the same. Thinking once he got himself together a bit more, mentally and physically, he was going to have show her that. Right now, the worry about physical and possibly mental damage kept him mum.
"But you better hope you have money in your wallet." She informed him with a devious grin on her cherubic face. "Cause I'm gonna clean you.."
--------------------------------------------
Sitting in the car on a side street in Baltimore, Tony rested his hands on the wheel, watching through the drizzle that was falling in the city. It always semed to rain in Baltimore he noted. It was like Seattle East.
The radio was playing but her barely heard it. Reaching over he popped another pill thoughtlessly and rubbed his shoulder. He was watching, waiting for something, someone. It was how he'd spent his days lately. The nights were another thing all together.
In the 2 weeks since he'd left Ziva, Tony had spent most nights in various bars here in Baltimore.Getting blitzed to put it mildy. The comination of that and Percs he knew wasn't good, and probably explained why he seemed to wake up most mornings having no recoletion of how he got to his hotel room. And usually slept til about 11 or 12 as well.
"You look like shit." He heard a familar voice say from beside him. He looked over and was unsprised to see Kate there. "When was the last time you took a shower?"
"Was wondering when you'd show up." He said, taking a drink from the bottle next to him. "You a few days late Jacob Marley."
"What are you doing here DiNozo?" She asked, looking at him penttratingly. "Trying to drink yourself to death in your car?"
"Waiting for someone." He asnwered, keeping his eyes on the alley. "got an appintment."
"Your waiting for him aren't you?" She asked still starting at him, it was a bit annoying. "Jeffries..and let me guess.. your not planning on caling for any backup."
"Since when is it your business what I'm doing." He said and took another drink frrom his bottle. "Your dead."
She ignored this. "You gonna kill him is that it?" She asked. "Think that'll make things better? Make you feel better about yourself?"
"Shut up." He replied. "And go haunt someone else."
"I may go away Tony but.. never very far." She informed him. "I'm in your head.. you can try and drive me away but.. i'm not going far."
He ignored this, Kate's ghost, or his concience manifestion was getting tiersome and irritating for a variety of reasons, the main one being that she was unfailingly right pretty much all the time. And didn't want to hear that. He wanted something, anything to make the pain and guilt go away. To stop seeing Ziva and McGee laying in there own blood in front of him. To not see the hurt and reproach in Ziva's eyes the last time he saw her.
"You need help Tony." Kate said simply. "And you know it.. why is it so hard for you to ask for it?"
"I said go away.." He said and for a wonder she did. When he looked over she was gone again. He didn't know whether he was relieved or sad about that.
Just then he saw what he'd came for, namely who he'd com for. The man coming down the alley he would've recognized anywhere. His source at the Balitmore PD had been correct it seemed. For a moment he saw the man holding the gun, fire coming out of the muzzle, the bullets striking hom on Ziva. His partner, his lover, the mother of his unborn child and his hands shook just a little.
He reached over onto the seat where Kate had mainfested herself not long ago and his hand closed around the gun there. Picking it up, he got out of the car, watching his intnded target walking down the side street. He had a moment to say to himself, what the hell are you doing sto it. But he walked after him just the same and raised his gun once they were both out of view.
"Thomas Jeffries!" He shouted out causing the man to stop and turn, looking at him with interest and recognition. "Remember me?" He cocked the hammer of the gun. "Cause I believe we have unfinished busines don't we?"