Ridiculous Bullshit.
The past two months or so I've undergone a serious mental change. Not a good one mind you. I've found this year and my interactions taking away things I've cared for the most in the past. I seriously can't tell you how I feel about this year all in all. My friends are scrambled into a big field of shitty roses with knives attatched to them, my girlfriend is in the millitary, my family is more fucked than expected, my health seems balanced yet mediocre at the same time, I've gained a job, and lost a job, and have crumbled down to the core of my bone structure while watching the lives of my remaining friends that I've kept close contact with fall apart in a way.
Let me be the first to post "internetly"(If that's even a fucking word...), that the conflict that has taken place between two sides in our group of friends has gone on enough. I'll be completely blunt about my shit right now and say that I was wrong. It's not like I haven't been wrong before and I'm not about to doubt that right now.
What is conflicting without confliction between me and Tina is sure enough a product of miscommunication, and effort on my side to try harder to become a better person and fix it more than I tried, which obviously wasn't enough. I took what I had and labeled it quickly without going to the source. Though I have once talked to her about what I've heard months and months ago, I still through time took that she didn't care to be my friend anymore...sometimes I thought differently, but in all honesty if I could go back to last summer/beginning of fall to be able to have that trust and friendship we had again, I would do it. As far as she goes, I really don't know what she's thinking, and I can immagine how she felt after hearing what she heard. I was wrong, and Nicole was wrong. There's nothing Nicole can do right now...shes in the military and shes doing her thing right now. I however want to patch this up as soon as possible...I just don't see that happening though. I tried bit by bit to see what I could do, but I found there really wasn't a damn thing to do about it. I don't hold anyone responsible for anything that happened anymore and I'm not bitter about anything. I just wish things could be different between us.
Don has been my friend since 8th grade and gradually became one of the best friends I've ever had in my entire life. He like others were there when I was mentally incapable to grasp myself in the moment. Thing's haven't been the same without him and that's something I can never replace. I was again wrong for how I handled my side of the situation at first and when I tried to talk to him I couldn't get a hold of him...not his fault though since he does work.
However recently I found out he has been ignoring me and other fun things like that. All of the sudden the Don I once knew wants to pull that fucking bullshit on me and not even try and hear me out. He doesn't want to hear ''I'm wrong, I just want you to know that and I want to be friends again"...he wants to put me in the dog house during the storm and laugh behind his window. Maybe it's not a joke though, I can't tell right now. I haven't seen the guy in such a long time. Though I understand his protection and love for his girlfriend, that is still a subject between me and her which I believe can't be touched for months and months...maybe never...right now that's up to her. As for me and Don, we've been friends for so long and could always work something out. But don't fucking ignore me when I fucking need you to understand what's going on.
I'll admit right now that when I've had the chance to call him recently to try and come to a conclusion with this whole thing, I've moved away from it just so I can handle everything else in my life right now...I can't handle hearing one of my best friends give me an unholy beatdown and survive it after what's happened in the past two months.
I will be calling him soon...Infact there's a chance I might see him tonight during seeing Jackass 2 the movie...things probably won't be good but I can't do anything about that right now obviously.
Nicole left for the military on the 14th and it hit me really hard that I won't be seeing her for awhile. Though some, or most may find her rude on the outside, she's given me a great 10 months so far and I couldn't really ask for more. She's a great person when she isn't given the opportunity to piss on something she doesn't like or care for. All of us have been rude about something and sometimes didn't mean it in a serious way, and I wish others would look at her that way as well. It's too late for all that shit right now though so I really don't care what others have to say/think about her...I'm just trying to survive the rest of this year and see what the next year has in store for me. I miss her a bunch but I've had things to keep me occupied to attempt staying happy.
I got a job at Giant Eagle video for two weeks...then they NEEDED front end cashiers, which I utterly refuse to deal with. I can't handle a huge crowed of people being in my hands for that long and that much like it is out there. It's so much worse than Walmart and I can promise you that. I had no choice but to leave to find a new job...it sucks because I had everything pretty much in Eagle Video down and I made some pretty good friends there as well. Until I find a job, I'll be here being pissed about how I suck ass now.
I've become better friends with Janise lately which is a plus throughout all this BS.
I've been hanging out with Maiq alot lately who throughout all his incredible BS is still hanging in there...
Chiang is now out at college and he's incredibly missed everytime we're hanging out.
Dave is out at college and is greatly missed especially since we started really hanging out with him weeks before he left.
Basically everyone is surviving and doing there own thing. I haven't mentioned everyone, but I've mentioned the basics that are quite noticable at the moment.
Yesterday was the Woody High/Central Catholic football game and we won 17-14 I think...or something like that. I saw Ron and Sarah for the first time in awhile. It felt great having most of the group together like it was last night without a doubt. I was out with Maiq and Janise until early ass fucking morning. I got home around 4 something in the morning and fell asleep around 5:30 I think.
On a random note I listened to Inubus' new single "Anna Molly", and it kicks ass like no other song they've made. Definately harder like the old days, with a hint of Morning View, and an all around new feeling to it. Go find it if you're lucky enough...or you could just IM me and ask for it.
Tonight I'm seeing Jackass 2 with Brent, Susan, and Rudy as far as I know. Maybe I'll find some inspiration to not suck after watching that movie.
As for now I'm looking for a new job...most preferably video rental of some sort. I'm also learing to play guitar...or trying to atleast...anyone with knowledge willing to share would be greatly appreciated. I need a new hobby like hell.
Tool Concert this Tuesday...I need it.
Fuck this year...can't wait until 2007.
Picture of the update:
My prediction for the future: The Tool concert will either be truely amazing, or won't even happen.
My mood rating on this Journal entry from 1-10(1 being worse...10 being good): 1.5
Random fact of the update: I'm drinking Lemon flavored Propel
Side projects:
-Obtaining a job: 100% finished...back to 0%
-Obtaining my drivers permit: 0%
-Learning how to play guitar: 15%
Things you should probably be aware of:
-Days I've had Brent's glucagon instructions on my desk: 278 days
-Days I've had a Cherry Condom and a blunt sitting on my desk: 302 days
-Days I've had Nicoles hairband around my wrist: 279 days
-Donation money to the CNSLCF(The Can): $2.47
-Days I've had the tennis ball used on the Morning of Mayhem which took place July 30, 2004: 756 days
-Cars I've driven without my license: 4 cars
-Number of times Brandon has touched my head: Fuck, Brandon or Brent need to remind me how many times Brandon has touched my head.
-Days until 200sux is over: 99 days
-Amount of money I owe Rudy on the tab: $40.00
-Days until Tool comes to perform live in Pittsburgh at the Petterson Events Center on September 26th: 3 days
-Days until next Incubus album comes out.(Light Grenades) - 66 Days
Johnson Meter: -50%
''The Morgue"
-R.I.P. Bag of Goldfish: 289 days old
-R.I.P. Expired Dr. Pepper: 913 days old.
Let me be the first to post "internetly"(If that's even a fucking word...), that the conflict that has taken place between two sides in our group of friends has gone on enough. I'll be completely blunt about my shit right now and say that I was wrong. It's not like I haven't been wrong before and I'm not about to doubt that right now.
What is conflicting without confliction between me and Tina is sure enough a product of miscommunication, and effort on my side to try harder to become a better person and fix it more than I tried, which obviously wasn't enough. I took what I had and labeled it quickly without going to the source. Though I have once talked to her about what I've heard months and months ago, I still through time took that she didn't care to be my friend anymore...sometimes I thought differently, but in all honesty if I could go back to last summer/beginning of fall to be able to have that trust and friendship we had again, I would do it. As far as she goes, I really don't know what she's thinking, and I can immagine how she felt after hearing what she heard. I was wrong, and Nicole was wrong. There's nothing Nicole can do right now...shes in the military and shes doing her thing right now. I however want to patch this up as soon as possible...I just don't see that happening though. I tried bit by bit to see what I could do, but I found there really wasn't a damn thing to do about it. I don't hold anyone responsible for anything that happened anymore and I'm not bitter about anything. I just wish things could be different between us.
Don has been my friend since 8th grade and gradually became one of the best friends I've ever had in my entire life. He like others were there when I was mentally incapable to grasp myself in the moment. Thing's haven't been the same without him and that's something I can never replace. I was again wrong for how I handled my side of the situation at first and when I tried to talk to him I couldn't get a hold of him...not his fault though since he does work.
However recently I found out he has been ignoring me and other fun things like that. All of the sudden the Don I once knew wants to pull that fucking bullshit on me and not even try and hear me out. He doesn't want to hear ''I'm wrong, I just want you to know that and I want to be friends again"...he wants to put me in the dog house during the storm and laugh behind his window. Maybe it's not a joke though, I can't tell right now. I haven't seen the guy in such a long time. Though I understand his protection and love for his girlfriend, that is still a subject between me and her which I believe can't be touched for months and months...maybe never...right now that's up to her. As for me and Don, we've been friends for so long and could always work something out. But don't fucking ignore me when I fucking need you to understand what's going on.
I'll admit right now that when I've had the chance to call him recently to try and come to a conclusion with this whole thing, I've moved away from it just so I can handle everything else in my life right now...I can't handle hearing one of my best friends give me an unholy beatdown and survive it after what's happened in the past two months.
I will be calling him soon...Infact there's a chance I might see him tonight during seeing Jackass 2 the movie...things probably won't be good but I can't do anything about that right now obviously.
Nicole left for the military on the 14th and it hit me really hard that I won't be seeing her for awhile. Though some, or most may find her rude on the outside, she's given me a great 10 months so far and I couldn't really ask for more. She's a great person when she isn't given the opportunity to piss on something she doesn't like or care for. All of us have been rude about something and sometimes didn't mean it in a serious way, and I wish others would look at her that way as well. It's too late for all that shit right now though so I really don't care what others have to say/think about her...I'm just trying to survive the rest of this year and see what the next year has in store for me. I miss her a bunch but I've had things to keep me occupied to attempt staying happy.
I got a job at Giant Eagle video for two weeks...then they NEEDED front end cashiers, which I utterly refuse to deal with. I can't handle a huge crowed of people being in my hands for that long and that much like it is out there. It's so much worse than Walmart and I can promise you that. I had no choice but to leave to find a new job...it sucks because I had everything pretty much in Eagle Video down and I made some pretty good friends there as well. Until I find a job, I'll be here being pissed about how I suck ass now.
I've become better friends with Janise lately which is a plus throughout all this BS.
I've been hanging out with Maiq alot lately who throughout all his incredible BS is still hanging in there...
Chiang is now out at college and he's incredibly missed everytime we're hanging out.
Dave is out at college and is greatly missed especially since we started really hanging out with him weeks before he left.
Basically everyone is surviving and doing there own thing. I haven't mentioned everyone, but I've mentioned the basics that are quite noticable at the moment.
Yesterday was the Woody High/Central Catholic football game and we won 17-14 I think...or something like that. I saw Ron and Sarah for the first time in awhile. It felt great having most of the group together like it was last night without a doubt. I was out with Maiq and Janise until early ass fucking morning. I got home around 4 something in the morning and fell asleep around 5:30 I think.
On a random note I listened to Inubus' new single "Anna Molly", and it kicks ass like no other song they've made. Definately harder like the old days, with a hint of Morning View, and an all around new feeling to it. Go find it if you're lucky enough...or you could just IM me and ask for it.
Tonight I'm seeing Jackass 2 with Brent, Susan, and Rudy as far as I know. Maybe I'll find some inspiration to not suck after watching that movie.
As for now I'm looking for a new job...most preferably video rental of some sort. I'm also learing to play guitar...or trying to atleast...anyone with knowledge willing to share would be greatly appreciated. I need a new hobby like hell.
Tool Concert this Tuesday...I need it.
Fuck this year...can't wait until 2007.
Picture of the update:
My prediction for the future: The Tool concert will either be truely amazing, or won't even happen.
My mood rating on this Journal entry from 1-10(1 being worse...10 being good): 1.5
Random fact of the update: I'm drinking Lemon flavored Propel
Side projects:
-Obtaining a job: 100% finished...back to 0%
-Obtaining my drivers permit: 0%
-Learning how to play guitar: 15%
Things you should probably be aware of:
-Days I've had Brent's glucagon instructions on my desk: 278 days
-Days I've had a Cherry Condom and a blunt sitting on my desk: 302 days
-Days I've had Nicoles hairband around my wrist: 279 days
-Donation money to the CNSLCF(The Can): $2.47
-Days I've had the tennis ball used on the Morning of Mayhem which took place July 30, 2004: 756 days
-Cars I've driven without my license: 4 cars
-Number of times Brandon has touched my head: Fuck, Brandon or Brent need to remind me how many times Brandon has touched my head.
-Days until 200sux is over: 99 days
-Amount of money I owe Rudy on the tab: $40.00
-Days until Tool comes to perform live in Pittsburgh at the Petterson Events Center on September 26th: 3 days
-Days until next Incubus album comes out.(Light Grenades) - 66 Days
Johnson Meter: -50%
''The Morgue"
-R.I.P. Bag of Goldfish: 289 days old
-R.I.P. Expired Dr. Pepper: 913 days old.