life
yesterday was valentines day...and even though i'm spposed to be in a relationship...i got nothing..not even a phone call..not an email card..nothing from him...i did get a box of chocolates from one of the mentally unstable customers at my store..I sent Dan flowers...beautiful roses in a small vase..not to feminine...and a box of stuff..a frog that plays the bongo drums..and a couple cards...i didnt even get a phone call saying thanks..when i got home all i got online was..when i asked if he got them was..yeah...i feel bad...that i shouldnt have sent them....maybe i need to rethink this relationship,..i dont know...i love him...more than i should perhaps..but i do...unfortunetly i dont think the feelings are mutual...maybe its like he says...too complicated...just leave it at lust...i love you is so hard for him to say...yet when it suits him..he tells me he loves me...i just dont know anymore...who am i? what do i want? where am i going? will anyone ever love me and want to be with me? or will i die an old maid living alone. i hate being alone, yet i dont NEED a man to survive..I just want this one....he is my best friend...when we are together its so comfortable...yet this distance seems to pull at us and rip out my soul. i guess i'm just lost...got my feelings hurt by the lack of my needs not being met again...it wouldnt have taken much...an email card just acknowledging that he cared...i guess i want more than he wants in a relationship...*sigh*...life goes on i spose...