Liminality
Freyja isn't often spoken of in terms of being a liminal goddess, at least not in the literature that I have read or the communities in which I've seen her discussed. Yet to be the matron of sex, passionate love, and death is to be embraced as liminal, changing, fluid, ever-changing...I don't know why I bothered to feel surprised that I have felt more in her presence (or her more in mine) in the last weeks than in most of the last months. I'm still forgiving myself for being consumed by a Seidhr trance--consumed as a cat is with a yawn, or as with a powerful, irresistable orgasm. It was so easy to let go and let those boundaries fall and to be free and drunk with the moment within the eternity. There is so much danger there, but the adrenaline mixed with the sexual arousal and the mind flow of the trance, it felt inexorable. I felt it grip me and I let it take me and it was more about the need and the sensation than it was about offering service and I don't know if I would have stopped because I'm not sure that I could have. Perhaps this is the way a man experiences sex.
To be in a suspended state of transition is intollerable to most people who naturally crave stability. I have craved the transition without even realizing it for what it was. I have been so aware and so focused, even while I've been unable to compose thoughts in a normal way, that my enjoyment of life has simply expanded. Though my kids have been sick and needy each hug has been a gift; that I can comfort them is a treasure. Each look into my husband's eyes has been a moment of bonding. We say "I love you" more, we touch each other, he tells me that I am beautiful. And I have become more beautiful, I can see it in myself and I can see it in the mirror. My eyes sparkle and my skin glows and I smile more often. The ache and the need have brought everything into focus, as though they are the lense I have been missing but needed to properly see my surroundings. I feel as though I am in a constant state of evocation and that Freyja is within me not just in times of a request and my reaching (or hers) but as a symbiosis. I feel powerful in a way that I have missed.
To be in a suspended state of transition is intollerable to most people who naturally crave stability. I have craved the transition without even realizing it for what it was. I have been so aware and so focused, even while I've been unable to compose thoughts in a normal way, that my enjoyment of life has simply expanded. Though my kids have been sick and needy each hug has been a gift; that I can comfort them is a treasure. Each look into my husband's eyes has been a moment of bonding. We say "I love you" more, we touch each other, he tells me that I am beautiful. And I have become more beautiful, I can see it in myself and I can see it in the mirror. My eyes sparkle and my skin glows and I smile more often. The ache and the need have brought everything into focus, as though they are the lense I have been missing but needed to properly see my surroundings. I feel as though I am in a constant state of evocation and that Freyja is within me not just in times of a request and my reaching (or hers) but as a symbiosis. I feel powerful in a way that I have missed.