Hurt People Hurt People
Hurt People Hurt People
I first saw the phrase “Hurt People Hurt People” many years ago on a neon message board sign. It made an impression the moment I read it and has stayed with me ever sense. I have tested the saying countless times and found it to be true. Hurt people do hurt people.
Many Types of Hurt
People get hurt, especially as children, in a wide variety of ways. For example, they can be hurt by physical abuse such as vicious beatings for punishment. They can be victims of sexual abuse. They can be the targets verbal abuse in the form of angry, hateful, insulting words. Verbal abuse can happen when a parent feels threatened by their very bright child. Instead of nurturing their bright child, the parent insults and tries the dumb the child down. Verbal abuse can happen at any time in our life and can come from anyone. It is likewise with all of the other forms of abuse. Emotional abuse often goes hand in hand with all of the other kinds of hurt. Whatever the type of hurt, it wounds.
Wounds and Scars
Wounds from the various types of hurt may heal but the scars remain. The scars are permanent. Some of the wounds may produce tough and hardened scars for protection from further harm. These tough and hardened scars often appear as various self-protective behaviors: withdrawal, obesity, defensiveness, and malcontentedness are just a few.
Other wounds never really heal. They remain as fresh as the day they were first inflicted. Still other wounds are freshly inflicted. Whether fresh wounds are old or new they hurt and hurt people hurt people.
Hurting Other People
Hurt people often hurt others in ways that corresponds to how they were hurt. Children who were punished with beatings often punish their peers with beatings. When they grow up and have their own children they often punish their own children with beatings. Children who were verbally abused often verbally abuse others throughout their lives. Children who were sexually abused often grow up to sexually abuse children.
Adults also often hurt people in the way they were hurt. Adults who are hit often hit back. Adults who verbally accosted often respond with angry, hateful words. Adults who are hurt sexually and/or emotionally often find ways to get even. Sometimes they do not hurt the one who actually hurt them but others who caught off guard.
Developing Immunity to Hurt
Is anyone really immune from being hurt by others? Perhaps as adults we can gain some level of immunity if not complete immunity. We adults can learn not to take things personally and to take up for ourselves. We can also refuse to accept the hurt that another would inflict on us.
Some Hurt People Are Best Avoided
We can also learn that some hurt people are do seriously damaged and so used to hurting others that it is the only way they can relate. They were physically, verbally and/or emotionally abused and chronically do the same to others. They are hardened in their hurt and hurting of others. They are malcontent and misanthropic. Being kind, respectful and reasonable with seriously damaged, malcontent and misanthropic people only makes us vulnerable to their attempts to hurt us. These hurt people are best avoided until they get the help they need, if they can be helped at all.
Breaking the Chain
Finally, we can become aware of how we ourselves have been hurt in the past. We can become aware of our wounds, both old and new. We can find healthy ways of tending our wounds so that when they are touched we do not simply react on impulse. We can react in healthier ways. We do not have to be a link in the chain of ongoing hurt. We can break the chain. We can be hurt people who refuse to spread our hurt on to others.