Still shitting fire!
Gosh! I hate working friday nights. Never do I feel such self-loathing as I do on those days. It's a passing madness but it fucks me up none the less. Had a pretty swell time working this morning with Melissa and John who are fun enough to tolerate my crazy pants ways and sometimes even join in. Summer is ending and I'm freaking the fuck out. I dunno what I'm gonna do with myself. My head is in a tizzy and i've been throwing mini fits trying to avoid facing the facts. Things that other's are saying are getting blocked up in my skull and i don't even know what to think anymore. Wrote a bit of a poem friday, I dunno if it's any good could possibly be a song. Feh no one likes my songs their too...old sounding and haphazard.
The fooking essay ain't going nowhere.I don't know how to state interest for something I can't even visualize happening. I feel so despondent about my own wants which are as always uncertain. I know what I don't want but as to what I do want no particular conclusions have been drawn. I've got so bunched up and wound tight I'm turning into some sort of adult child blathering nonsense and staring at my own knees. Am I some sort of crazy person who is unable to see things for what they really are or even who I really am? Where the fuck did all my resolve go? I had such fire in my belly back in May and now in August my will is wet and limp. I dunno perhaps it's because I know moving away won't be a fix to what's really wrong with me and that I'll still be me just in another place. Ugh I wanna be outside of myself for a little while, but there's no escaping me and my overall...drippiness!
Fuck it all. I'll try again Monday.
BTW...I had a big mac earlier today....thus the shitting of fire.
The fooking essay ain't going nowhere.I don't know how to state interest for something I can't even visualize happening. I feel so despondent about my own wants which are as always uncertain. I know what I don't want but as to what I do want no particular conclusions have been drawn. I've got so bunched up and wound tight I'm turning into some sort of adult child blathering nonsense and staring at my own knees. Am I some sort of crazy person who is unable to see things for what they really are or even who I really am? Where the fuck did all my resolve go? I had such fire in my belly back in May and now in August my will is wet and limp. I dunno perhaps it's because I know moving away won't be a fix to what's really wrong with me and that I'll still be me just in another place. Ugh I wanna be outside of myself for a little while, but there's no escaping me and my overall...drippiness!
Fuck it all. I'll try again Monday.
BTW...I had a big mac earlier today....thus the shitting of fire.