Ridiculous and Lonely
Lately I keep having these crazy ass dreams where I show up dead, I'm alive in a way but I'm dead. In one of them I shared an ice-cream cone with my grandmother at my aunt's house I didn't want to give her a bite of it but she insisted and that's when my arm fell off and the whole thing was over with. So I have no clue what any of that crap meant.
I feel so lonely and pathetic lately. I miss my friends so very badly. Which is the worst part in all of this.It's just sooooo painfully obvious when I'm home that I have no business being here ruining my family's lives, there's just no place for me here I have no life here whatsoever. Nothing here needs me to be around. I'm in a pretty bad place mind wise I keep avoiding calling back MCAD because I just don't know what to tell them. I wonder If I should even go back to school, will things even be better. I felt weird being there too I had my moments but it was always painfully obvious that in some respects that place was just way above my level. That I was some sort of slug that happened to find their way into a fancy garden. I remember feeling beyond stressed and lonely there as well and not to mention frightened of everything. So I don't know what I'm actually trying to get to stressed and lonely or stay bored and lonely. I have no thoughts about my future anymore and I just feel irrelevant all over. I barely leave the house now and even when I do I just feel like coming home and hiding out and starting all over again.
There's nobody to tell to this to either because nobody ever really wants to hear it. I'm tired of saying it and talking about it and typing about it. I just need to kinda get it out because this has been my day today. And honestly I don't think I really want my family how bad it is with me. Everybody's moving on and I'm just not.
Also I wonder how you help a dog get over a cold.
I feel so lonely and pathetic lately. I miss my friends so very badly. Which is the worst part in all of this.It's just sooooo painfully obvious when I'm home that I have no business being here ruining my family's lives, there's just no place for me here I have no life here whatsoever. Nothing here needs me to be around. I'm in a pretty bad place mind wise I keep avoiding calling back MCAD because I just don't know what to tell them. I wonder If I should even go back to school, will things even be better. I felt weird being there too I had my moments but it was always painfully obvious that in some respects that place was just way above my level. That I was some sort of slug that happened to find their way into a fancy garden. I remember feeling beyond stressed and lonely there as well and not to mention frightened of everything. So I don't know what I'm actually trying to get to stressed and lonely or stay bored and lonely. I have no thoughts about my future anymore and I just feel irrelevant all over. I barely leave the house now and even when I do I just feel like coming home and hiding out and starting all over again.
There's nobody to tell to this to either because nobody ever really wants to hear it. I'm tired of saying it and talking about it and typing about it. I just need to kinda get it out because this has been my day today. And honestly I don't think I really want my family how bad it is with me. Everybody's moving on and I'm just not.
Also I wonder how you help a dog get over a cold.