all people i may have hurt or people wantin to know my changes read
i wrote this to a guy i really like who said he thinks im hapy and perfect
com on line for 10 min..me happy? ive been severly bi polar and been on 5 meds at one time.Just cause i seem aattractive, and i sem to have all these drugs(which shsoud tell you if i was trully happy i wouldnt do em as much. im not the "beautful" person stereo type, meaning, cause immildly attractive it doesnt mean im smart, funny, and wonderful etc..as well .yeah, i have alot of love and support from family and more and i feel blessed for that..i do takeit for advantage sometimes but im workin on it..im selfish at times its not somethin im proud of. its alife pattern. im tryin to evolve.Talk to my friends like terra(third on my top 24 people that have known me 13 and 14 years im just now comin out of alot of old bulshit cause people and god have showed me how i treat people , especiallythe ones i love. Ive dealth with my conditionn,my whole life..it isnt fun making myself get outta bed making myself fight the shit..etc < and my behavior and childish outburts have turned away alot of close new friends i valued (aka the twins etc) they dont know fuck about me and everything butthey dont have to u know they arent my mom an dmy loveed ones but my behavior can be very trepadatous and volitile attimes. I am not being emo, but happiness to me is bein independent i knwo i seem i am ..im not. Not yet atleast. lol. If i didnt have grace from god, and my loved ones id be dead...ive lived a life in 10 yrs some will never live thier whole lives,,,some good stuff ive learned but the bad id never wish on my worst enemy. I lived in abubble my whoellife..i took a vaction at13 or so and came back at like 22 or so..my personality(although great) is at an immaturity level of a14 still. But as time goes on, and i learn..etc im bein abtter person..ive treated some of teh most wonderful peopel liek shit cause of my immaturity and exxcssive drug use..itstoppin..as fr as pils and shit that is..ill do some shit thats naughty from time to time but not every day like im accustomed to..for fucks sake my friends who deal run liek half teh east coast i had the wrong teachers in life lol they ar egreat poeple butstill ya know??im groowin up finally..by 30 i shoiuld be ok... ba degree, almost my masters etc..i used to take shit a s given but now im greatful for everything i have..i learn slow i had everythin given to me as a child(thousands in drugs included) it's hard tro break that cycle but ill be damned if dont..i love u babe..just know not everything is at is appears to be..my "image" my rockstar image..is me but its a front to...to keep people at bay and to presnt myself how i wanna be percieved maybe i can chnage one mind......... not all of us worship satan lol etc...its me but atthe same time it only a small facet theres alot to me ima rubix cube and i havnt figured my self yet compl;etlkey life is a learnin experice always...i just hope to get my ph.d be filled with quality friends and love and happiness ..i love u and hope u can be with em and change my pessimism gof knows i need it lol love me
life si gettin better its a blessing from god dont ever take it for granted
com on line for 10 min..me happy? ive been severly bi polar and been on 5 meds at one time.Just cause i seem aattractive, and i sem to have all these drugs(which shsoud tell you if i was trully happy i wouldnt do em as much. im not the "beautful" person stereo type, meaning, cause immildly attractive it doesnt mean im smart, funny, and wonderful etc..as well .yeah, i have alot of love and support from family and more and i feel blessed for that..i do takeit for advantage sometimes but im workin on it..im selfish at times its not somethin im proud of. its alife pattern. im tryin to evolve.Talk to my friends like terra(third on my top 24 people that have known me 13 and 14 years im just now comin out of alot of old bulshit cause people and god have showed me how i treat people , especiallythe ones i love. Ive dealth with my conditionn,my whole life..it isnt fun making myself get outta bed making myself fight the shit..etc < and my behavior and childish outburts have turned away alot of close new friends i valued (aka the twins etc) they dont know fuck about me and everything butthey dont have to u know they arent my mom an dmy loveed ones but my behavior can be very trepadatous and volitile attimes. I am not being emo, but happiness to me is bein independent i knwo i seem i am ..im not. Not yet atleast. lol. If i didnt have grace from god, and my loved ones id be dead...ive lived a life in 10 yrs some will never live thier whole lives,,,some good stuff ive learned but the bad id never wish on my worst enemy. I lived in abubble my whoellife..i took a vaction at13 or so and came back at like 22 or so..my personality(although great) is at an immaturity level of a14 still. But as time goes on, and i learn..etc im bein abtter person..ive treated some of teh most wonderful peopel liek shit cause of my immaturity and exxcssive drug use..itstoppin..as fr as pils and shit that is..ill do some shit thats naughty from time to time but not every day like im accustomed to..for fucks sake my friends who deal run liek half teh east coast i had the wrong teachers in life lol they ar egreat poeple butstill ya know??im groowin up finally..by 30 i shoiuld be ok... ba degree, almost my masters etc..i used to take shit a s given but now im greatful for everything i have..i learn slow i had everythin given to me as a child(thousands in drugs included) it's hard tro break that cycle but ill be damned if dont..i love u babe..just know not everything is at is appears to be..my "image" my rockstar image..is me but its a front to...to keep people at bay and to presnt myself how i wanna be percieved maybe i can chnage one mind......... not all of us worship satan lol etc...its me but atthe same time it only a small facet theres alot to me ima rubix cube and i havnt figured my self yet compl;etlkey life is a learnin experice always...i just hope to get my ph.d be filled with quality friends and love and happiness ..i love u and hope u can be with em and change my pessimism gof knows i need it lol love me
life si gettin better its a blessing from god dont ever take it for granted