For agunslinger ][after their NYC wakeup call

[freshoffthefarm]

It had been a long week and Annie was looking forward to the next two days with nothing to do. She was finally all moved in and all unpacked and she nothing to do but enjoy the Ben & Jerry's that she had in her freezer, along with the vodka she'd placed it next to

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[agunslinger]

Harvey had not intended to show up here drunk. When he came to DC it was simply to talk to her. To see her and to know that he hadn't lost her to him being a child. He thought he could do it. He thought he could over there and talk to her like an adult. The longer he stayed in his hotel room the more he realized he didn't know what the fuck he was doing. His only option? Drinking. Drinking seemed to bring out a side of Harvey he wasn't sure he knew how to control. A side of him that liked to ramble on like a silly teenager.

Showing up on her doorstep loaded was not the plan when he got the plane. It was the only other option once arriving. The walk over to her place was difficult as he was hiding his bottle under his coat. His stubble was very apparent. Harvey was not taking very good care of himself.

The door swung open. He was holding onto the door-frame with a frown on his face. He leaned towards her. "Couldn't see the numbers."

[freshoffthefarm]

Considering that there was no way that Harvey could have (or would have) gone to work with that kind of stubble, it meant that he'd been home at least a day. Maybe more. And when he leaned forward, she was forced to take a step back. She then held out her hand to take his and gave a solid tug, which forced him off the door frame and into her apartment.

"Well, you found it, as drunk as you are. Get in here." Once he was inside, she shut the door and gave him a look over. "What are you doing, Harvey? Why are you here?"

[agunslinger]

He teetered once she let go of him after dragging him inside. He put a hand against to keep him vertical. He looked around the apartment and felt a tightening in his chest. His grip tightened around the neck of the bottle and then he heard her. He took a swig and then bent over. He swayed for a moment, but he got his balance. He put the bottle on the ground and then stood up straight. He stepped over it and went to her. He cupped her face with both hands and half smiled.

"I missed you." He sounded a little drunk, but he wasn't lying to her. This was not Harvey in a drunken haze. Harvey felt like this a lot. He honestly did, but he was too damn of a child to do anything. He was too stupid to face any of it. "I wanted to be with you."

[freshoffthefarm]

Pausing in her quest to retrieve the bottle when he took her by her face, Annie held her breath. Not because his smelled like alcohol, but because his showing up and then telling her things that she wanted to hear to relieve her loneliness couldn't end well. It certainly hadn't last time.

"Harvey..." Her smile was gentle and sad, all at the same time. "You don't want to be with me. You have any number of cocktail waitresses that you could have been with, without the travel time."

Then she did bend down to pick up the bottle and set it down on the end table next to her door.

[agunslinger]

It was never a good feeling when someone said that to you. To Harvey it was the polite way of letting them down. He didn't accept it. Harvey Specter did not take a rejection just like that. He would fight especially as drunk as he was right now. There was no embarrassment in this position. He shook his head very quickly to indicate that wasn't good enough. He wasn't accepting her attempt to push him back to his cocktail waitresses and pretty sales ladies. He was very happy with her and this was not going to work.

He took her by the hand and pulled her back to him. He stared down at her hard. This wasn't Sober Harvey she could convince with a few words. He swallowed a lump and sighed heavily. He held onto her face and leaned forward. "I don't like them. I don't care about them. Hell you could travel to the Moon and I'd be fine with it. Since is that a problem for me?"

[freshoffthefarm]

"Now you care about me?"

Why was it that Drunk Harvey had the ability to say everything that Annie wanted to hear? Her heart started to pound and she could feel her breathing pick up it's pace. Reaching up, she took his hands off her face and walked backwards as she pulled him toward the couch. Once she felt it behind her legs, she tugged him down with her and sat hard.

"Tell me why you came all the way to DC."

[agunslinger]

Harvey winced as she threw that question at him. It hurt even in his drunken state. It almost felt like she was doubting him. He didn't like it one bit. If Drunk Harvey could kick Sober Harvey's ass he really would. He did allow himself to be pulled with her though. He didn't fight her or try to go back to his bottle. He shuffled along with her and fell onto the couch. His coordination wasn't awesome, but he landed right. He turned to face her and leaned against the cushions. He let out a sigh and thought his answer over.

"I'm stupid. Very stupid. Relationships are not something I enter into every day." He swallowed and felt his throat tighten. "I watch good and honest people go for the others weakness daily in negotiations." He lifted a lazy hand and rubbed the side of his face. "All of a sudden I kept thinking about how goddamn miserable I've been on my own. How bad it would be without you around." He smiled a little. "Picking out my suits. Eating my terrible cooking. I didn't like it."

[freshoffthefarm]

Annie couldn't help but smile when he mentioned picking out his suits and the delightful memory that came with. The dressing room, leaving after with her skin all flushed and just knowing that they hadn't fooled any of the sales people? Annie still had a feeling that she'd never be able to set foot in that men's store again. Hearing that he'd thought so highly of the experience made her flush again.

"Oh, Harvey. No one enters relationships lightly. That's not-" She sighed, unable to resist reaching up and pushing her fingers through his hair. She wondered, briefly, when the last time he'd shaved and brushed his hair himself was, but then she focused again. "This wasn't supposed to be a relationship."

The thought that he might have been miserable without her made her feel both guilty and somewhat pleased, simply because a part of her wanted him to want her. To miss her. God knew she missed him. "I missed you, too. If that means anything."

[agunslinger]

When he heard that it wasn't meant to be a relationship it was like someone had punched him in the stomach. The air left him and all he could was turn away and fall back into her cushions. His head was spinning and he wasn't sure where to look. He didn't want to look at her because he felt a little foolish. So much for not feeling embarrassed or silly. Drunk Harvey was knocked right onto his ass and he didn't know how to get back up. He nodded at her next words and just stared at the wall across from him. What was he supposed to do?

"Not enough to wanna be with me though huh?" He rubbed his thigh and suddenly found himself gripping his own knee tightly. He was a loss of what to actually do with himself right now.

[freshoffthefarm]

His confusion only led to her own and his question made her feel awful.

"No, Harvey. That's not it at all. If I thought for one second that you meant it? I'd definitely be with you. Right now." She shifted on the couch, scooting up so she could lean over and look him in the eyes again. "But the last time we talked, you called me a liar when all I wanted to do was be honest with you, finally. I got the impression you didn't want anything to do with me. Now you're here, and you're drunk, and in the morning, you're just going to forget all about this."

Annie reached out to stop him from hurting his knee, her hand squeezing his. "My heart can't take that. Not twice. Not from you."

[agunslinger]

All he could do was look at her. He didn't make any attempts to move or talk. He just stared at her. He didn't want to move. His body was relaxing and thought he smelled of alcohol he felt sober. He didn't feel like a blathering idiot. He felt like he was speaking directly from his heart. Who would have guessed that Harvey Specter the man more concerned with his own self preservation had a heart? A very big one that actually cared about people. He had people and it was time he started realizing that.

"So you're penalizing me because I'm terrified of people lying to me? Annie a man I looked up to for years lied to my face daily--and he did it with a smile. He did it sober. When you told me--" He let out a sigh and dropped his head forward. "I just kept thinking about that moment. I thought it was happening again."

[freshoffthefarm]

"I'm sorry that he did that to you, but you're penalizing me, too. I'm not him. I'm not your boss and until you changed all of this on me, I thought you were happy with what we had going. When you started being honest, bringing feelings into it, I wanted to be honest, too."

She sat back against her couch and let her head fall back. Maybe he was right and she was penalizing him. Not about the things he thought she was, but about her past relationships. Maybe she was holding those against him, refusing to give him a chance on the off-chance things went sideways... again.

Lifting her head, she looked at him. "It's not happening again, Harvey. I wouldn't do that to you, not if I could help it. I believed you when you were talking to me about wanting me and I just. I wanted you to want me."

[agunslinger]

He turned his head to look over at her. He breathed out a heavy sigh. "The real you right? CIA you?" He was just trying to make sure he was keeping up in this condition. He could say things from his heart, but that didn't mean he was the best as keeping up in this condition. He was damn sure going to try though. She kept saying something that troubled him. Something that he wasn't sure what to do with. He decided that asking her was probably the most logical thing to do. He would ask.

"Why--Why do you keep saying happen again?" He didn't turn his head away when he asked. He kept his eyes on her. "What happened, Annie?"

[freshoffthefarm]

"With your boss," she clarified. "What's happening here, with us, is not what happened with him happening again."

Her tone turned even more gentle as she looked at him in all of his drunken glory. Clearly, in his condition, he couldn't keep up very well at all, but she wasn't going to hold it against him. She was, however, going to lean against him (and not take deep breaths), and wrap her arm around his torso. "I'm glad you came. I wish you hadn't gotten plastered before you did, but I'm glad you're here. Seeing you just makes me feel better."

Sliding her hand down his side, she lifted her head and, inadvertently nuzzled him just a little. "You haven't shaved."

[agunslinger]

He smiled softly and leaned against her. He let out another sigh and let the silence take over. He shut his eyes and let himself be in this moment. He still as lost as ever about them. He felt a little like he was being kept at arms length right now. Not literally obviously, but he felt like she was evading. Dodging around his feelings that he had admitted. "I haven't had a reason." Indicating he hadn't been to work in a few days.

"Why do you keep saying that I don't mean any of this." He did. He did which is what made this scary. He meant it big time. "Just because it's difficult for me to verbalize this when I'm sober doesn't mean it's not there. I don't know how to then."

[freshoffthefarm]

That he hadn't been to work in a couple of days should have distressed her. It did distress her, that he'd put so much thought or feeling into this, that he'd gotten on a plane to see her, that he'd then come to her apartment in the middle of the night to express his feelings (again) and in that moment, she felt like a terrible person.

Lifting her head, she looked at him directly. "Then the next time you're sober, which will be in the morning, I'm going to remind you of everything that you said. And I'm going to tell you that if you're serious about the getting rid of the cocktail waitresses and you don't care about the six-hour drive between us, then I don't either." The words sounded far more flippant than either her body language or her tone indicated. She was dead serious. "If you want this, Harvey, this us? You should know that I do, too."