holy shit im updating..hah
so it seems like life couldnt be more amazing. (well it could but somehow it just doesnt seem to matter anymore)i think that i've come to the conclusion that all the suffering,pain and sadness ive gone through has all been made up for....at least for now it has. i miss everyone of my friends to an extent thats unexplainable and they dont even realize it. my mom and my sister i love so much.....unfortunatlely i sometimes feel that i have abandoned them and thats wrong. im sooo incredibly sick of feeling ,on numerous occasions , large amounts of guilt. i hate it when i hurt people and i hate when people are hurting. i think thats why i sometimes end up in heartbreak. ive learned not to expect much out of life or anybody in it because in doing so i just end up hurt and worse off than i was before. this year has been going pretty damn well and i hope it just continues on that way and that i can only learn from this change. maybe it will make the difference in the world, maybe it wont. i dont know what ive fallen into but i need help....I LOVE HIM. ive admitted it, officially, and it still wont make a difference. actions words, words actions?????? i wonder which ones speak louder. well im off to bed, ive become your average fucking insomniac who doesnt know what to do at 12am. call me or IM me.....
for those of you who dont know its.... XXOOdesireeXXOO