Where we are, an update.
So, to be honest, things have kind of normalized. About as normal as things get for me I suppose.
My friend and I are still seeing each other sexually, but the shiny has definitely worn off and the honeymoon is over. It has been for quite a while now but we kept at it because we make eachother feel good. I never care if I get off, so long as I can see that satisfied feline look in her eyes it's all good.
The best part is is that after all that mess, even without the promise of sex our friendship seems to be pretty solid. And now that we've leveled out we are closer than we were before we started. At least it appears to be for now, not jinxing things!
We don't get together two to three times a week just have sex like we were before. We have gotten to the pointwhere we are more likely to strip down to underwear and crawl in bed and lay there and talk, or nap, and *maybe*things will develop into snuggle-fucking. There are no preconceptions when I go see her every couple days. And to be honest I'm actually okay with all that even if it means I'm not getting as much sex as I need. Because really, who can say no to anunplanned snuggle-fuck?
I am glad for a couple of things here.
Firstly, my friend has got to a pointwhere her sex drive is back down to a more normal levelwhereit is manageable. She is no longer taking crazy risks with herself and her health. She is more focused on her life and her work. Discounting her need to get off this rock and be able to get back to a city, she is honestly themost stable I've seen her inquite a long time. Even more so here in recent days as there is someone that she's been interested in from a distance for quite some time, and she recently found out that the interest is mutual (insert sounf of the class going "ooooOOOoooo!"). This guy is a good fit for her too, I can tell that he makes her happy.
Things are still developing but she was visiting with us this last weekend and look on her face as she was talking about hanging out with him the day before, it was honestly the most joy that I have seen on her face in a long time. Too long. Sure, the end result may be that I lose my playmate out of this deal, and we will spend less time together, but to see her so happy, gushing over their visit together, it actually made my heart feel good for her.
Throughout all of this, this craziness, that is what I wanted for her more than anything was to be happy again.
I suppose, when I look back through my life, my experiences, and the things that I have gone through myself or with other people as they went through the fire, this feeling that I'm having right now is as close to the true definition of loving someone as it gets. I may lose my friend, I'm definitely going to lose my lover (inevitable regardless), but to see her so happy makes that possibility completely worth it.
We humans are odd creatures with our funny emotions, but, I can honestly say that I do love this person, my best friend. And if, after all of this craziness, drama, and the pain that it caused all of us,she has been able to come out the other side more stable, and strongenough to handle approaching this new relationship with a clear head? Well, every minute of it will have been worth it.
So that iswhere things sit right now, we aren't as close as when things were fresh and exciting, but we are as close as we possibly can be as best friends and occasional lovers.
I am getting out trying to meet new people, not very successfully I might add, but at least I am making an effort to put myself out there. And my girls are supportive of me, which means the world. The three of us have come out the other side stronger than we were before, and with a fairly clear set of ground rules on how here to proceed with future sexual endeavors. Jamie is actually supportive in this after seeing how much I do enjoy being able to get out there and spend time with people, and not just in the sexual sense. She has been offering to take a more proactive stance on finding me new playmates, since without Deni to hook them, I am left to my own devices to grab peoples attention. Never was good at this game,...
I'm a lot more level-headed than I was, and having that extra outlet for my energy has enabled me to bring more home, be more aware of how my life is with my girls. For years I was slipping into a state of neglect, for myself and for my girls. While from the outside, and within to be honest, it all seemed like trying to nail jello to a tree, this experience has enabled me to see more clearly the world around me, and to better focus my attention on those things that really matter.
My relationship with my girls is steady and strong, we learned a lot about eachother and our relationship, and how to effectively further eachothers needs. It aint perfect by any means, still a work in progress, but what successful relationship is?
Going forward, whether my friendship with this woman remains in it's current state (with less sex involved tho) or we drift apart as she finds new people and eventually moves away from here, my friend has cemented herself into a corner of my being and will always hold a place in my heart.