SCRATCH OFF ATLANTA!!!
i'm so damn aggravated, and i feel like a whiny spoiled bitch!!!
i called my dad today, it's his birthday. we've been playing this weird game lately on the phone where we sort of talk about my visit to atlanta but we never mention anything concrete about it. i keep telling them the dates that work for me, trying to clue them into the fact that they should go ahead and get those tickets while they're still cheap...but then they never do, they just always have this attitude like, "okay well, that works for us, come on by." and here i am, under the impression that a long time ago, we discussed the fact that THEY would be sending me to atlanta.
ever since we made that agreement (or so i thought), that's what i've been relying on. yes, i know, that makes me feel like a spoiled little bitch. but the plain and simple fact is, i DO NOT consider visiting my parents a vacation AT ALL. i refuse to dish out 3 to 4 hundred bucks for a stressful week of shame, silence, and awkwardness. i won't do it. but i'll go if they send me, because the fact is, i'm afraid of what will happen if too much time passes. i feel us growing further and further apart, almost like we don't know each other at all anymore...like our life as a family when my sister and i were kids was a figment of our imagination. the truth is though, if i was going to spend money on going to see family, i would MUCH rather spend it on going to alaska to visit my sister.
i REALLY wanted to take a vacation for myself this summer. i wanted to use my saved up money to go somewhere awesome, either alone or with a friend, i don't care. i have several options and i'm still trying to figure out which is the best one. but atlanta is NOT that vacation. and i can't afford both. if i spend my own money on seeing my parents, that's all i'll be able to accomplish this summer.
so anyway, i was talking to my dad today and he said something like, "you should really call the oquendo family (they are old family friends) who live in east texas....maybe you can stay with them for the first night, cause you know, it'll take you at least a whole day to get through texas," and i'm thinking, WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT??? it suddenly occurred to me he thinks i'm gonna drive my ass all the way to atlanta!!! i was shocked. i NEVER mentioned that option, i don't know where he pulled that from. i didn't say anything, though!!!!! why do i have to be this way with my family????? why are we so conditioned to NEVER say what we feel and beat around the bush and allow this deep-seeded hostility brew and bubble underneath the surface, and act like we're the brady bunch on the surface???? i wanted to tell him, "dad, i thought you guys were sending me the plane tickets!" and i didn't.
god damn it. i don't know what to do now. i still refuse to give up my vacation for a visit to the parents. they know that i make enough money now.... but they don't know that i'd rather go somewhere else, and they don't know that i'm planning on taking a vacation somewhere else. i never told them that i went to florida last year, and i'm not telling them about this year. something is very wrong with this family. now i have to conjure up another brilliant excuse.
this is fucked up.
i called my dad today, it's his birthday. we've been playing this weird game lately on the phone where we sort of talk about my visit to atlanta but we never mention anything concrete about it. i keep telling them the dates that work for me, trying to clue them into the fact that they should go ahead and get those tickets while they're still cheap...but then they never do, they just always have this attitude like, "okay well, that works for us, come on by." and here i am, under the impression that a long time ago, we discussed the fact that THEY would be sending me to atlanta.
ever since we made that agreement (or so i thought), that's what i've been relying on. yes, i know, that makes me feel like a spoiled little bitch. but the plain and simple fact is, i DO NOT consider visiting my parents a vacation AT ALL. i refuse to dish out 3 to 4 hundred bucks for a stressful week of shame, silence, and awkwardness. i won't do it. but i'll go if they send me, because the fact is, i'm afraid of what will happen if too much time passes. i feel us growing further and further apart, almost like we don't know each other at all anymore...like our life as a family when my sister and i were kids was a figment of our imagination. the truth is though, if i was going to spend money on going to see family, i would MUCH rather spend it on going to alaska to visit my sister.
i REALLY wanted to take a vacation for myself this summer. i wanted to use my saved up money to go somewhere awesome, either alone or with a friend, i don't care. i have several options and i'm still trying to figure out which is the best one. but atlanta is NOT that vacation. and i can't afford both. if i spend my own money on seeing my parents, that's all i'll be able to accomplish this summer.
so anyway, i was talking to my dad today and he said something like, "you should really call the oquendo family (they are old family friends) who live in east texas....maybe you can stay with them for the first night, cause you know, it'll take you at least a whole day to get through texas," and i'm thinking, WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT??? it suddenly occurred to me he thinks i'm gonna drive my ass all the way to atlanta!!! i was shocked. i NEVER mentioned that option, i don't know where he pulled that from. i didn't say anything, though!!!!! why do i have to be this way with my family????? why are we so conditioned to NEVER say what we feel and beat around the bush and allow this deep-seeded hostility brew and bubble underneath the surface, and act like we're the brady bunch on the surface???? i wanted to tell him, "dad, i thought you guys were sending me the plane tickets!" and i didn't.
god damn it. i don't know what to do now. i still refuse to give up my vacation for a visit to the parents. they know that i make enough money now.... but they don't know that i'd rather go somewhere else, and they don't know that i'm planning on taking a vacation somewhere else. i never told them that i went to florida last year, and i'm not telling them about this year. something is very wrong with this family. now i have to conjure up another brilliant excuse.
this is fucked up.