joelle
i can't keep doing this. i'm so stressed and worried about her all the time. she gets in a car accident in a parking lot today and fucks up her hand and now she asks me to take my car to pick a friend up in fucking mill creek and of course i say yes because if i say no she'll just take the damn suburban and you can't drive that car with one fucking hand. i'm so sad and so mad and so stressed and so sick of worrying over my little sister who doesn't give a fuck about anyone right now but herself and people that don't matter but she thinks they do matter. more than her family anyway, who she treats like shit most of the time unless she wants something. at first i was thinking she's just being a classic teenager and she'll get over it...but now i'm not so sure. what if she just keeps acting worse? and making worse decisions and worse friends? i couldn't handle it. she thinks she can save the world, but she's not even being smart about her own damn life. i miss the old joelle. i feel like i have no relationship with her. and i'm never home now partly because of school and my boyfriend, but mostly i just use those as excuses not to come home so i don't have to deal with all the bullshit that goes on in this family. i love my mom and i feel bad for not being home when i'm not because i feel like she needs me because steph is too young to understand what mom goes through, joelle doesn't give a fuck, and dad can't even deal with his anger problems enough to care about moms feelings for more than one hour every day. i know every family has problems but this is my family and its suffering right now. our relationships with each other just aren't right because we all have to suffer each others pains. joelle has no FUCKING clue how much stress and worry and sadness she has caused this family in the past year and a half. or maybe she does and she's just trying not to think about it. mom gives her so much and tries to handle her little shit spells in different ways to see what works but nothing does. i don't know what keeps mom going, what with her INCREDIBLY stressful job and then coming home to ungrateful people who have no idea what she's going through. joelle is so concerned with helping her shit head friends that she's completely fucking her own family over. i love her so much and i want her to just figure this all out and snap out of it, but she's not and i don't know how much longer i or any of us can put up with this shit. if i don't give her what she wants or if i don't help her or if i argue with her then she hates me and i go one step backward in our relationship. if i give her what she wants (my car to pick up her friend at 10:00 at night after getting in an accident for instance) then i stay up half the night worrying and stressing wondering if she and my car are ok. fuck this, man. when is she gonna grow up? she thinks she knows everything and that none of us "understand." can't she see she's a freaking teenage steryotype? "nobody understands me, you guys don't know him like i do, fuck you guys you have no idea what my life is like, wah wah wah!" ya. whatever joelle. you don't know what real like is and you don't know what real responsibilities are. you're still a kid and we know more than you. FUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK.