Formation Notes 11 - Love
Dear friends,
I have now received and responded to the eleventh set of formation notes - on Love. It was rather good timing, as I just finished reading Revelations of Divine Love, but Julian of Norwich, so it was all in keeping with the theme. I shall post my thoughts on the book in due course, as tonight I only have time to share this...
Formation Notes 11- Love
The first story in the formation notes is of St Francis, out of compassion of Jesus, wanting to suffer with him somehow, praying, "O Lord, I beg of you two graces before I die - to experience personally and in all possible fullness the pains of your bitter passion, and to feel for you the same love that moved you to sacrifice yourself."
The story also describes Jesus' agony in the Garden of Gethsemane, and also Mary's suffering at her son's suffering.
The final story of the formation notes relates St Francis buying a lamb. It contains a line, "if he [St Francis] chanced to see anything suffering pain he, too, suffered with it."
For formation notes on the topic of Love, suffering seems to take a significant role.
Looking at it, I guess in Christianity in particular, Love is quite entwined with suffering, as, for Christians, the ultimate display of Love is Jesus' suffering on the cross out of his selfless and sacrificial love for mankind. It was his willingness to face such suffering that ultimately demonstrated just how deeply his Love ran.
Likewise, Mary's suffering reflects her great love for her son. If she did not suffer at his agony, we would assume she did not love him all that much. So suffering is tied up with the compassion that is inherent to love.
It's an interesting perspective that the formation notes give. So often when we think of love, it's generally that happy feeling, looking at things with a soft lens, something even a bit sappy, rather than the gritty, perilous love presented here. Love involves opening ones heart to the hearts of others, and investing oneself in their happiness.
St Francis felt this unifying love even for animals, for they too were God's creatures, and so he took them into his heart. His compassion could not be quietened, as it was empathetic - held close to the self, fully engaged with, and fully shared.
St Francis also felt such compassion for his fellow man (which may be an even more difficult task, considering man's capability for darkness). Admonition 24 in the formation notes says, "Blessed is the servant who would love brother or sister just as much when they are sick and cannot do anything in return, as when they are well and can." The surface reading of this admonition
makes enough sense - when someone is well they can return favours and be of some help perhaps, but when unwell they are in no fit state to repay you for any trouble you take in caring for them.
Taken further, this could be understood as not just physical sickness.
Someone suffering emotionally may become trapped in negativity and, from their own pain, lose their sense of compassion. Or perhaps due to their upbringing, their sense of acceptable behaviours may be different from our own, and so we may perceive their mental state to be unhealthy. Then perhaps they, due to mental or emotional suffering, "cannot do anything in return" for our love. But we must love them "as much when they are sick [...] as when they are well". For this reason, it is important to remember that any unkindness is itself derived from suffering, so we, in our love, need to find compassion for that being, even while have an aversion to their actions or behaviours.
But it is not only people who live in this cloud of suffering and confusion that we need to teach ourselves to love. Sometimes we have difficulty loving anyone, merely because other people have habits that do not suit us. It is all too easy even to find fault with our loved ones. Admonition 25 in the formation notes addresses this, saying, "Blessed is the servant who would love and respect brother and sister as much when they are far away as when they are present, and would not say anything behind their back that couldn't be said with charity face to face."
This admonition shows that love has to do with actions. Talking behind someone’s back is a display of lack of love. Engaging in unkind actions, words and behaviours undermines love - not only our love for the other involved, but also our love for ourselves, and our love for God. To act unkindly is, in fact, harmful to ourselves. We separate ourselves from the Universal Love that is God, and make ourselves less than we are.
It can be challenging to maintain kindness when it comes to people we do not warm to, but if we are to 'love our enemies', or indeed even just neutral strangers, it becomes clear that we cannot rely on 'warm fuzzies' to get us through. Love is not a whim or an emotion - it is an attitude, a whole way of being, a perspective that arises from compassion.
As Deepak Chopra has said, "[Love is] not just a mere sentiment or an emotion, although that is an expression of love. But the love that is spiritual is beyond all subjects and objects. It is the state of unity consciousness, where all that exists is inseparable."
And it's not always easy and lovely. It's not about shrouding ourselves in naivety so that we only see good things that are easy to love. Living in love can be challenging. Sometimes you have to fight with yourself to stay on course - not to say that unkind yet seemingly harmless comment, not to ignore that difficult person, not to assume you know the whole story, not to be overcome by disgust and anger that festers into hatred. Sometimes, when it feels as if other people aren't affording you the same compassion and consideration that you are giving to them, it can become hard to remember why you're bothering to try so hard. But I guess that comes back to Admonition 24.
And even when we are on course in love, still difficulties arise. Loving does mean caring, and in caring for another we become vulnerable to their situation. We open ourselves not only to their joy and their happiness, but also to their pain and their suffering, just as Francis did.
I have mentioned in a previous set of formation notes that I believe God is everything. And God, we are told quite clearly, is Love. I believe that quite literally - not that God is a happy feeling of chemicals rushing through our brain, but that our vast, cosmic God is pure Love with consciousness. And it is the energy of this Love that shakes matter into being. Based on this idea, God/Love is the fundamental basis for everything that exists, including ourselves. So it stands to reason that Love is our natural state, and that the closer we grow to Love, in our thoughts, feelings, behaviours, actions, and attitudes, the closer we grow to what we really are, and thus the closer we grow to God.
That is why Love is worth the effort, worth the pain, worth the suffering. To grow closer to God, it is necessary to cultivate our compassion so that we can live the unifying Love that is God.
I have now received and responded to the eleventh set of formation notes - on Love. It was rather good timing, as I just finished reading Revelations of Divine Love, but Julian of Norwich, so it was all in keeping with the theme. I shall post my thoughts on the book in due course, as tonight I only have time to share this...
Formation Notes 11- Love
The first story in the formation notes is of St Francis, out of compassion of Jesus, wanting to suffer with him somehow, praying, "O Lord, I beg of you two graces before I die - to experience personally and in all possible fullness the pains of your bitter passion, and to feel for you the same love that moved you to sacrifice yourself."
The story also describes Jesus' agony in the Garden of Gethsemane, and also Mary's suffering at her son's suffering.
The final story of the formation notes relates St Francis buying a lamb. It contains a line, "if he [St Francis] chanced to see anything suffering pain he, too, suffered with it."
For formation notes on the topic of Love, suffering seems to take a significant role.
Looking at it, I guess in Christianity in particular, Love is quite entwined with suffering, as, for Christians, the ultimate display of Love is Jesus' suffering on the cross out of his selfless and sacrificial love for mankind. It was his willingness to face such suffering that ultimately demonstrated just how deeply his Love ran.
Likewise, Mary's suffering reflects her great love for her son. If she did not suffer at his agony, we would assume she did not love him all that much. So suffering is tied up with the compassion that is inherent to love.
It's an interesting perspective that the formation notes give. So often when we think of love, it's generally that happy feeling, looking at things with a soft lens, something even a bit sappy, rather than the gritty, perilous love presented here. Love involves opening ones heart to the hearts of others, and investing oneself in their happiness.
St Francis felt this unifying love even for animals, for they too were God's creatures, and so he took them into his heart. His compassion could not be quietened, as it was empathetic - held close to the self, fully engaged with, and fully shared.
St Francis also felt such compassion for his fellow man (which may be an even more difficult task, considering man's capability for darkness). Admonition 24 in the formation notes says, "Blessed is the servant who would love brother or sister just as much when they are sick and cannot do anything in return, as when they are well and can." The surface reading of this admonition
makes enough sense - when someone is well they can return favours and be of some help perhaps, but when unwell they are in no fit state to repay you for any trouble you take in caring for them.
Taken further, this could be understood as not just physical sickness.
Someone suffering emotionally may become trapped in negativity and, from their own pain, lose their sense of compassion. Or perhaps due to their upbringing, their sense of acceptable behaviours may be different from our own, and so we may perceive their mental state to be unhealthy. Then perhaps they, due to mental or emotional suffering, "cannot do anything in return" for our love. But we must love them "as much when they are sick [...] as when they are well". For this reason, it is important to remember that any unkindness is itself derived from suffering, so we, in our love, need to find compassion for that being, even while have an aversion to their actions or behaviours.
But it is not only people who live in this cloud of suffering and confusion that we need to teach ourselves to love. Sometimes we have difficulty loving anyone, merely because other people have habits that do not suit us. It is all too easy even to find fault with our loved ones. Admonition 25 in the formation notes addresses this, saying, "Blessed is the servant who would love and respect brother and sister as much when they are far away as when they are present, and would not say anything behind their back that couldn't be said with charity face to face."
This admonition shows that love has to do with actions. Talking behind someone’s back is a display of lack of love. Engaging in unkind actions, words and behaviours undermines love - not only our love for the other involved, but also our love for ourselves, and our love for God. To act unkindly is, in fact, harmful to ourselves. We separate ourselves from the Universal Love that is God, and make ourselves less than we are.
It can be challenging to maintain kindness when it comes to people we do not warm to, but if we are to 'love our enemies', or indeed even just neutral strangers, it becomes clear that we cannot rely on 'warm fuzzies' to get us through. Love is not a whim or an emotion - it is an attitude, a whole way of being, a perspective that arises from compassion.
As Deepak Chopra has said, "[Love is] not just a mere sentiment or an emotion, although that is an expression of love. But the love that is spiritual is beyond all subjects and objects. It is the state of unity consciousness, where all that exists is inseparable."
And it's not always easy and lovely. It's not about shrouding ourselves in naivety so that we only see good things that are easy to love. Living in love can be challenging. Sometimes you have to fight with yourself to stay on course - not to say that unkind yet seemingly harmless comment, not to ignore that difficult person, not to assume you know the whole story, not to be overcome by disgust and anger that festers into hatred. Sometimes, when it feels as if other people aren't affording you the same compassion and consideration that you are giving to them, it can become hard to remember why you're bothering to try so hard. But I guess that comes back to Admonition 24.
And even when we are on course in love, still difficulties arise. Loving does mean caring, and in caring for another we become vulnerable to their situation. We open ourselves not only to their joy and their happiness, but also to their pain and their suffering, just as Francis did.
I have mentioned in a previous set of formation notes that I believe God is everything. And God, we are told quite clearly, is Love. I believe that quite literally - not that God is a happy feeling of chemicals rushing through our brain, but that our vast, cosmic God is pure Love with consciousness. And it is the energy of this Love that shakes matter into being. Based on this idea, God/Love is the fundamental basis for everything that exists, including ourselves. So it stands to reason that Love is our natural state, and that the closer we grow to Love, in our thoughts, feelings, behaviours, actions, and attitudes, the closer we grow to what we really are, and thus the closer we grow to God.
That is why Love is worth the effort, worth the pain, worth the suffering. To grow closer to God, it is necessary to cultivate our compassion so that we can live the unifying Love that is God.