Collision chapter 19/?
Chapter 19
“So Reid, do you want to tell me who you were on the phone with, if not the hospital?”
“Actually, I was talking to my sister.” Reid answered honestly.
Luke frowned. “I didn’t know you have a sister?”
“That’s because I haven’t told you about her.” Reid explained quite unnecessarily and with a smile in his voice.
“So, tell me about her now. Is she your only sister? Do you also have any brothers?” Luke asked, genuinely interested. This was a chance to find out more about Reid’s personal life. Reid hadn’t shared many details about his life outside the hospital or about his childhood.
Reid found it easy to tell Luke about Renée. He liked talking about her, so he told Luke all about her, from birth to present.
From the way Reid talked about her, it was obvious to Luke that she was important to him and that he loved her very much.
“What does she look like? Does she resemble you?” Luke asked.
Reid grinned. “Yup, she is a lot like me. Inside and out. Same hair, same eyes, same sarcasm, same taste in men.”
“Same taste in men? Really?” Luke asked amused. “ Did that ever lead to any trouble between you?”
“No, not until now.” Reid said. “But she’s been a fan of yours for ages, so you might wanna watch out there, Mr. Snyder.”
“ Did you-, did you tell her?” Luke asked. “About me? And you? I mean, about- us?”
“No, I didn’t Luke. I first wanted to talk to you about it.” Reid answered truthfully. “I do want to tell her though, Renée and I have never kept any secrets from each other and she already knows I was the doctor treating you and Kevin Jackson so she asked a lot of questions about you.”
Luke was torn between wanting Reid to not have to lie to his sister and his fear of too many people knowing the truth about him.
“I’ve been able to just keep the conversation light, but I don’t want to lie to her if she asks a specific question. Besides, she’ll know I’m lying because I never lie. You know that. I actually hung up on her to take your call, so she is going to call me back. Soon.” Reid added.
Luke sighed. “I-I don’t know Reid. I don’t want you to lie to your family, but this is hard for me. I would constantly worry if she is going to be able to keep her mouth shut.”
“I understand that. But if I ask her, she’ll take it to her grave. Listen, I’m going to be here a while, Mr. Jackson still needs my brilliance, and I’m going to ask Renée if she wants to come visit. If it’s okay with you, I want to tell her in person. What do you say?” Reid asked, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible.
Luke was silent. He felt like he was put on the spot. He wasn’t angry with Reid for asking him, he understood his need to talk about their relationship, or whatever it was that was going on between them, with the person closest to him. He just hadn’t seen the question coming. And he wasn’t sure if he wanted someone he didn’t know to know his biggest, most intimate secret.
“I-I don’t know.” Luke admitted quietly. “I don’t know if I’m ready to have someone I don’t even know, know this about me. I want to think about it a little. Is that alright with you?”
Reid sighed. It was a long shot; he knew that before he asked. “Well, you’re not saying no, I guess that’s something. How long do you think you need? ” He asked.
“Don’t be mad, Reid. Please? You have to understand how difficult this is for me. My own family doesn’t even know yet.” Luke pleaded. As much as he wanted to give in to Reid, to please him, he wanted, he needed¸ to make these decisions for himself and not for someone else. He had to decide when he was ready.
“I’m not mad, Luke and I do understand. I just would like to feel that we’re going somewhere- that we’re taking steps, no matter how small.” Reid said.
“I know and I think that we are making progress. We’re talking right now, aren’t we? You are the first person I called when I got here, and the only one I really wanted to call. I just didn’t expect your question. I promise I’ll think about it and I’ll let you know as soon as I can.” Luke promised. “When will she come to see you?”
“I don’t know yet, I still have to ask her.” Reid told him.
“Oh, okay.” Luke answered.
Silence.
“Or maybe,” Reid carefully continued, “I could come visit you? If you can get me tickets, I could watch the game and come see you after? I’m sure I can arrange something here at the hospital. My patient will need mostly therapy and I will have to oversee it, but I could get away for a few days.”
“I-I don’t know.” Luke throat closed up and he felt panicked. His parents were also coming over to see the first game. He didn’t want to think about what they would say if they saw him with Reid. He probably wouldn’t be able to hide his feelings.
“Why not?” Reid asked, disappointment evident in his voice. “It seems I’m the only one who is willing to do something for us.” Is there even an ‘us’?
“No, no, Reid,” Luke hurried to explain himself. “It’s just that my parents will also be there and I have to spend time with them. I won’t have much time, between the match, my parents and training. And I have a roommate again, so it’s a little difficult for you to stay with me in my room.”
Luke closed his eyes, feeling awful for brushing Reid off, but this was the only thing he could do right now.
Reid’s voice sounded different when he spoke again, distant and colder. “Fine. If that’s what you want. I have to go now, I haven’t eaten yet and I’m hungry.”
“Please Reid, don’t be like that.” Luke pleaded.
“Like what?” Reid asked. “Like I’m being disappointed that you obviously don’t want to make an effort to see me?”
“I do wanna see you, you know that.” Luke protested.
“Really? And how would I know that? Tell me, Luke. Because it seems to me you’re only interested in me when it’s convenient for you.”
“Convenient?” Luke almost yelled. “Nothing about this is convenient for me. Convenient would be having a nice girlfriend, who I could introduce to my parents without feeling… without being…” Luke searched for words.
“Without being what? Ashamed?” Reid asked. “Is that the word you’re looking for? Because if it is we should stop this right now. I don’t want to be with someone who feels ashamed of who he is.” Reid’s voice sounded calm, but Luke could sense the storm behind it.
“What? No, that’s not what I wanted to say at all. I don’t want to stop this, Reid, I don’t.” Luke tried to convince Reid. When Reid didn’t answer, he asked in a small voice, “Do you?”
Reid sighed. This was getting so complicated. He really started to rethink this whole thing. If it wasn’t for him falling completely in love with Luke, he would have walked away a long time ago. There was little sense in denying it anymore, he knew what he felt. But as much as he wanted Luke, he was not going to let Luke stomp all over his heart and then throw it away. Experience had made him a lot more careful.
“What did you want to say then?” Reid dodged the question.
“I don’t want to fight with you, Reid. I do want to see you, of course I do, but it’s complicated, that’s all. I wasn’t lying when I said I wouldn’t have much time and seeing my parents always adds extra pressure, I told you about that. Can’t we just wait until the tournament is over? It’s going to be three weeks max, surely we can survive that?” Luke felt like he was begging Reid to understand.
Reid thought about what Luke said and he did understand. Now he felt stupid for being disappointed when Luke didn’t jump at an opportunity to see him. Luke made a lot more sense than he did. Since when was he the emotional one in a relationship?
“Just make sure this is want you want, Luke. If it’s not, tell me now.” Reid sounded so serious, but there was a tinge of desperation in his voice and Luke picked up on it.
“Reid, this is want I want. You are what I want. Are the circumstances ideal for us? No, they’re not. But I’m trying. And it’s just these three weeks; when the Championships are over, I have time off, you know that.” Luke argued.
Reid couldn’t do anything but agree with Luke. “Yeah, I know, you’re right. I just need to know you’re in the same place as I am.” Reid squeezed his eyes shut before admitting something he didn’t think he would ever say. “I miss you.”
“Yeah?” Luke breathed. “You miss me? Have you been thinking about me, Dr. Oliver?” He teased.
“Oh yeah,” Reid easily told him. “And lucky for me, I have a photographic memory. You want to know what I’m thinking about right now?” Reid’s voice dropped to a husky tone.
“Is- is this going to be one of those phone calls?” Luke felt his body already responding to Reid’s question.
“If you want to?”
Luke swallowed. He’d never done anything like this before, but he wanted it. He wanted it so much. His hand already on the button of his jeans, clutching the phone in the other, he answered, “Well, in that case... Tell me what you’re wearing, Dr. Oliver.”
*
The next few days went by in a blur. Luke was busy with training and he resumed his position as team captain, so he had to give interviews and do press conferences again. Journalists always asked questions about Kevin, but Luke was instructed not to say anything. Not that he wanted to anyway; Kevin’s condition still made him feel guilty. He’d called Kevin’s parents and learned that although Kevin was awake, he was still not well. He could not pronounce words correctly. He had to write it down when he wanted something and according to his mother, Kevin was getting more frustrated every day.
Kevin’s mother told Luke that, according to Dr. Oliver (Luke smiled at the mere mention of his name), Kevin’s condition was temporary and he would fully recover, but he would need extensive therapy. His mother still expressed her worries about her son to Luke. She said Kevin was disappointed he couldn’t take part in the Championships he had trained so hard for and he was angry that he wasn’t able to express himself. Hearing this made Luke feel even guiltier. He could not think of anything to make things better for Kevin and it bothered him. He thought back about the day the incident happened. He still didn’t know what Kevin had wanted to talk to him about and right now he couldn’t ask him. It would take a while before Kevin would be able to take a phone call. But maybe after the tournament, Luke could go see him. Maybe Reid would still be there.
Luke smiled to himself. Reid. What an unexpected turn his life had taken. The incident that had injured Kevin had brought him something he didn’t think he would have at this point in his life; a relationship with a man. A man who made him want things, who made him rethink the choices he made up till then in his life, who made him think about a life out in the open. They talked on the phone every night and on more than one occasion those calls led to phone sex, which wasn’t as good as the real thing, but a very decent replacement. Luke found he could be just as dirty as Reid, a side of himself he never knew existed.
Luke’s first match was tomorrow and he had never felt as calm and relaxed about an important match as he felt right now. Talking to Reid, sharing details about his life, and yes, the sexy and dirty thoughts they shared made him happy. He realized he hadn’t been this happy for a long time, if ever. They hadn’t talked about Luke coming out or Reid’s sister again and Luke was grateful that Reid was giving him time. The thought of having his life out there on display for the whole world to see was scaring him. So for now, he enjoyed what he had going with Reid. His thoughts drifted from Reid to his family. Tomorrow Luke’s parents would come and visit him. He had sent them tickets for the match and paid for their flight and accommodations. He wouldn’t see them until after the match, but knowing they were there, watching him, warmed his heart. Even though his relationship with his mother Lily was tense, his father and grandmother always made him feel loved. His father just wasn’t strong enough to go against Lily and her demands. Holden just blindly followed Lily and did whatever she wanted. Maybe it was because they came from different backgrounds. Luke often thought about that. Holden had been poor growing up and Lily was a rich girl. Lily’s mother fought tooth and nail to prevent Lily’s relationship with Holden, but in the end she too had to bow to Lily’s wishes. Whatever Lily wanted happened.
Luke wondered that if his father was stronger, maybe he wouldn’t have such a problem coming out to them. The fact that he didn’t even dare to tell his own family said something about their relationship. Luke wanted to confide in Holden, but he couldn’t ask his father to keep such a big secret from Lily. The same went for his grandmother. So he opted to keep his mouth shut and hide behind his career whenever questions about marriage or girlfriends came up. His career took up enough time in his life to count as a valid excuse.
Matches, training, sponsor events, press conferences left little time for a personal life. When he did have some time to himself, he spent it mostly alone in his beautiful house in the hills just outside Barcelona. It was private enough to keep unwanted visitors out and close enough to keep his travel time to a minimum. It took him about 30 minutes to get to the stadium for training and matches, which was acceptable.
He loved his house away from the world and he didn’t let many people come into his house. The only team mates who had ever been there were Mike and Kevin. His family hadn’t even visited him there. Mostly Luke came to visit them. Thinking of the house that had been his home for close to three years now made him want to show it to Reid. Next time they talked he would ask Reid how he felt about Spain. He smiled to himself in the dark. He turned to his side, pulled the covers over him completely and tried to get some sleep. The first match was tomorrow and he should get as much rest as he possibly could.
*
“So Reid, do you want to tell me who you were on the phone with, if not the hospital?”
“Actually, I was talking to my sister.” Reid answered honestly.
Luke frowned. “I didn’t know you have a sister?”
“That’s because I haven’t told you about her.” Reid explained quite unnecessarily and with a smile in his voice.
“So, tell me about her now. Is she your only sister? Do you also have any brothers?” Luke asked, genuinely interested. This was a chance to find out more about Reid’s personal life. Reid hadn’t shared many details about his life outside the hospital or about his childhood.
Reid found it easy to tell Luke about Renée. He liked talking about her, so he told Luke all about her, from birth to present.
From the way Reid talked about her, it was obvious to Luke that she was important to him and that he loved her very much.
“What does she look like? Does she resemble you?” Luke asked.
Reid grinned. “Yup, she is a lot like me. Inside and out. Same hair, same eyes, same sarcasm, same taste in men.”
“Same taste in men? Really?” Luke asked amused. “ Did that ever lead to any trouble between you?”
“No, not until now.” Reid said. “But she’s been a fan of yours for ages, so you might wanna watch out there, Mr. Snyder.”
“ Did you-, did you tell her?” Luke asked. “About me? And you? I mean, about- us?”
“No, I didn’t Luke. I first wanted to talk to you about it.” Reid answered truthfully. “I do want to tell her though, Renée and I have never kept any secrets from each other and she already knows I was the doctor treating you and Kevin Jackson so she asked a lot of questions about you.”
Luke was torn between wanting Reid to not have to lie to his sister and his fear of too many people knowing the truth about him.
“I’ve been able to just keep the conversation light, but I don’t want to lie to her if she asks a specific question. Besides, she’ll know I’m lying because I never lie. You know that. I actually hung up on her to take your call, so she is going to call me back. Soon.” Reid added.
Luke sighed. “I-I don’t know Reid. I don’t want you to lie to your family, but this is hard for me. I would constantly worry if she is going to be able to keep her mouth shut.”
“I understand that. But if I ask her, she’ll take it to her grave. Listen, I’m going to be here a while, Mr. Jackson still needs my brilliance, and I’m going to ask Renée if she wants to come visit. If it’s okay with you, I want to tell her in person. What do you say?” Reid asked, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible.
Luke was silent. He felt like he was put on the spot. He wasn’t angry with Reid for asking him, he understood his need to talk about their relationship, or whatever it was that was going on between them, with the person closest to him. He just hadn’t seen the question coming. And he wasn’t sure if he wanted someone he didn’t know to know his biggest, most intimate secret.
“I-I don’t know.” Luke admitted quietly. “I don’t know if I’m ready to have someone I don’t even know, know this about me. I want to think about it a little. Is that alright with you?”
Reid sighed. It was a long shot; he knew that before he asked. “Well, you’re not saying no, I guess that’s something. How long do you think you need? ” He asked.
“Don’t be mad, Reid. Please? You have to understand how difficult this is for me. My own family doesn’t even know yet.” Luke pleaded. As much as he wanted to give in to Reid, to please him, he wanted, he needed¸ to make these decisions for himself and not for someone else. He had to decide when he was ready.
“I’m not mad, Luke and I do understand. I just would like to feel that we’re going somewhere- that we’re taking steps, no matter how small.” Reid said.
“I know and I think that we are making progress. We’re talking right now, aren’t we? You are the first person I called when I got here, and the only one I really wanted to call. I just didn’t expect your question. I promise I’ll think about it and I’ll let you know as soon as I can.” Luke promised. “When will she come to see you?”
“I don’t know yet, I still have to ask her.” Reid told him.
“Oh, okay.” Luke answered.
Silence.
“Or maybe,” Reid carefully continued, “I could come visit you? If you can get me tickets, I could watch the game and come see you after? I’m sure I can arrange something here at the hospital. My patient will need mostly therapy and I will have to oversee it, but I could get away for a few days.”
“I-I don’t know.” Luke throat closed up and he felt panicked. His parents were also coming over to see the first game. He didn’t want to think about what they would say if they saw him with Reid. He probably wouldn’t be able to hide his feelings.
“Why not?” Reid asked, disappointment evident in his voice. “It seems I’m the only one who is willing to do something for us.” Is there even an ‘us’?
“No, no, Reid,” Luke hurried to explain himself. “It’s just that my parents will also be there and I have to spend time with them. I won’t have much time, between the match, my parents and training. And I have a roommate again, so it’s a little difficult for you to stay with me in my room.”
Luke closed his eyes, feeling awful for brushing Reid off, but this was the only thing he could do right now.
Reid’s voice sounded different when he spoke again, distant and colder. “Fine. If that’s what you want. I have to go now, I haven’t eaten yet and I’m hungry.”
“Please Reid, don’t be like that.” Luke pleaded.
“Like what?” Reid asked. “Like I’m being disappointed that you obviously don’t want to make an effort to see me?”
“I do wanna see you, you know that.” Luke protested.
“Really? And how would I know that? Tell me, Luke. Because it seems to me you’re only interested in me when it’s convenient for you.”
“Convenient?” Luke almost yelled. “Nothing about this is convenient for me. Convenient would be having a nice girlfriend, who I could introduce to my parents without feeling… without being…” Luke searched for words.
“Without being what? Ashamed?” Reid asked. “Is that the word you’re looking for? Because if it is we should stop this right now. I don’t want to be with someone who feels ashamed of who he is.” Reid’s voice sounded calm, but Luke could sense the storm behind it.
“What? No, that’s not what I wanted to say at all. I don’t want to stop this, Reid, I don’t.” Luke tried to convince Reid. When Reid didn’t answer, he asked in a small voice, “Do you?”
Reid sighed. This was getting so complicated. He really started to rethink this whole thing. If it wasn’t for him falling completely in love with Luke, he would have walked away a long time ago. There was little sense in denying it anymore, he knew what he felt. But as much as he wanted Luke, he was not going to let Luke stomp all over his heart and then throw it away. Experience had made him a lot more careful.
“What did you want to say then?” Reid dodged the question.
“I don’t want to fight with you, Reid. I do want to see you, of course I do, but it’s complicated, that’s all. I wasn’t lying when I said I wouldn’t have much time and seeing my parents always adds extra pressure, I told you about that. Can’t we just wait until the tournament is over? It’s going to be three weeks max, surely we can survive that?” Luke felt like he was begging Reid to understand.
Reid thought about what Luke said and he did understand. Now he felt stupid for being disappointed when Luke didn’t jump at an opportunity to see him. Luke made a lot more sense than he did. Since when was he the emotional one in a relationship?
“Just make sure this is want you want, Luke. If it’s not, tell me now.” Reid sounded so serious, but there was a tinge of desperation in his voice and Luke picked up on it.
“Reid, this is want I want. You are what I want. Are the circumstances ideal for us? No, they’re not. But I’m trying. And it’s just these three weeks; when the Championships are over, I have time off, you know that.” Luke argued.
Reid couldn’t do anything but agree with Luke. “Yeah, I know, you’re right. I just need to know you’re in the same place as I am.” Reid squeezed his eyes shut before admitting something he didn’t think he would ever say. “I miss you.”
“Yeah?” Luke breathed. “You miss me? Have you been thinking about me, Dr. Oliver?” He teased.
“Oh yeah,” Reid easily told him. “And lucky for me, I have a photographic memory. You want to know what I’m thinking about right now?” Reid’s voice dropped to a husky tone.
“Is- is this going to be one of those phone calls?” Luke felt his body already responding to Reid’s question.
“If you want to?”
Luke swallowed. He’d never done anything like this before, but he wanted it. He wanted it so much. His hand already on the button of his jeans, clutching the phone in the other, he answered, “Well, in that case... Tell me what you’re wearing, Dr. Oliver.”
*
The next few days went by in a blur. Luke was busy with training and he resumed his position as team captain, so he had to give interviews and do press conferences again. Journalists always asked questions about Kevin, but Luke was instructed not to say anything. Not that he wanted to anyway; Kevin’s condition still made him feel guilty. He’d called Kevin’s parents and learned that although Kevin was awake, he was still not well. He could not pronounce words correctly. He had to write it down when he wanted something and according to his mother, Kevin was getting more frustrated every day.
Kevin’s mother told Luke that, according to Dr. Oliver (Luke smiled at the mere mention of his name), Kevin’s condition was temporary and he would fully recover, but he would need extensive therapy. His mother still expressed her worries about her son to Luke. She said Kevin was disappointed he couldn’t take part in the Championships he had trained so hard for and he was angry that he wasn’t able to express himself. Hearing this made Luke feel even guiltier. He could not think of anything to make things better for Kevin and it bothered him. He thought back about the day the incident happened. He still didn’t know what Kevin had wanted to talk to him about and right now he couldn’t ask him. It would take a while before Kevin would be able to take a phone call. But maybe after the tournament, Luke could go see him. Maybe Reid would still be there.
Luke smiled to himself. Reid. What an unexpected turn his life had taken. The incident that had injured Kevin had brought him something he didn’t think he would have at this point in his life; a relationship with a man. A man who made him want things, who made him rethink the choices he made up till then in his life, who made him think about a life out in the open. They talked on the phone every night and on more than one occasion those calls led to phone sex, which wasn’t as good as the real thing, but a very decent replacement. Luke found he could be just as dirty as Reid, a side of himself he never knew existed.
Luke’s first match was tomorrow and he had never felt as calm and relaxed about an important match as he felt right now. Talking to Reid, sharing details about his life, and yes, the sexy and dirty thoughts they shared made him happy. He realized he hadn’t been this happy for a long time, if ever. They hadn’t talked about Luke coming out or Reid’s sister again and Luke was grateful that Reid was giving him time. The thought of having his life out there on display for the whole world to see was scaring him. So for now, he enjoyed what he had going with Reid. His thoughts drifted from Reid to his family. Tomorrow Luke’s parents would come and visit him. He had sent them tickets for the match and paid for their flight and accommodations. He wouldn’t see them until after the match, but knowing they were there, watching him, warmed his heart. Even though his relationship with his mother Lily was tense, his father and grandmother always made him feel loved. His father just wasn’t strong enough to go against Lily and her demands. Holden just blindly followed Lily and did whatever she wanted. Maybe it was because they came from different backgrounds. Luke often thought about that. Holden had been poor growing up and Lily was a rich girl. Lily’s mother fought tooth and nail to prevent Lily’s relationship with Holden, but in the end she too had to bow to Lily’s wishes. Whatever Lily wanted happened.
Luke wondered that if his father was stronger, maybe he wouldn’t have such a problem coming out to them. The fact that he didn’t even dare to tell his own family said something about their relationship. Luke wanted to confide in Holden, but he couldn’t ask his father to keep such a big secret from Lily. The same went for his grandmother. So he opted to keep his mouth shut and hide behind his career whenever questions about marriage or girlfriends came up. His career took up enough time in his life to count as a valid excuse.
Matches, training, sponsor events, press conferences left little time for a personal life. When he did have some time to himself, he spent it mostly alone in his beautiful house in the hills just outside Barcelona. It was private enough to keep unwanted visitors out and close enough to keep his travel time to a minimum. It took him about 30 minutes to get to the stadium for training and matches, which was acceptable.
He loved his house away from the world and he didn’t let many people come into his house. The only team mates who had ever been there were Mike and Kevin. His family hadn’t even visited him there. Mostly Luke came to visit them. Thinking of the house that had been his home for close to three years now made him want to show it to Reid. Next time they talked he would ask Reid how he felt about Spain. He smiled to himself in the dark. He turned to his side, pulled the covers over him completely and tried to get some sleep. The first match was tomorrow and he should get as much rest as he possibly could.
*