(no subject)
Without romance or great personal change, I suppose that there is nothing much to write about. Or perhaps especially when there is great personal change, there is nothing much to write about.
I used to be obsessed with blogging. I used to really enjoy laying out everything--all of the bloody entrails and viscera--for other people to read. It doesn't work like that anymore. I think I have changed.
I want to blame this on Scott. Before Scott, no one really listened to the boring stories of my day. I had friends to regale with amped-up, funny stories and interesting details, but the depressing shit and the boring shit got filed into the blog. These days, I come home and tell Scott all about my day. He tells me about his. We banter on and off throughout the night, getting things done and cooking dinner, kissing intermittently. Whenever I make a stupid observation of the sort that would usually wind up on my blog, I say it out loud. Scott gives immediate feedback, like the best commenter there ever was.
When we run out of things to say, I drape myself around Scott like a human stole. Especially now that it is cold, I like to keep my feet buried firmly underneath his ass. We sleep back to back with the covers up to our chins. We wake up and grope each other.
I really thought that moving in with Scott would give me all of the fodder in the world to write about. There would be so many things to harp upon in my blog, so many little things that I would want changed, so many habits to dissect. That hasn't happened. Our communication has blossomed and I already knew all of his habits. I want to say that I love him so much it's painful--because that is definitely the amplitude of my love--but it's not an accurate statement. Loving Scott doesn't hurt. Loving Scott feels very rational and realistic. Here is our apartment and here we are inside it, together. That is all there is to say. Together.
I worry about Scott lying to me, but even that doesn't scare me anymore. If Scott lies to me, then I will deal with it. I will probably be heartbroken, but didn't I know that was a very possible outcome when we first started dating? Don't I know that it's a very possible outcome even if Scott doesn't lie and things work out perfectly? It really is that simple.
I used to be obsessed with blogging. I used to really enjoy laying out everything--all of the bloody entrails and viscera--for other people to read. It doesn't work like that anymore. I think I have changed.
I want to blame this on Scott. Before Scott, no one really listened to the boring stories of my day. I had friends to regale with amped-up, funny stories and interesting details, but the depressing shit and the boring shit got filed into the blog. These days, I come home and tell Scott all about my day. He tells me about his. We banter on and off throughout the night, getting things done and cooking dinner, kissing intermittently. Whenever I make a stupid observation of the sort that would usually wind up on my blog, I say it out loud. Scott gives immediate feedback, like the best commenter there ever was.
When we run out of things to say, I drape myself around Scott like a human stole. Especially now that it is cold, I like to keep my feet buried firmly underneath his ass. We sleep back to back with the covers up to our chins. We wake up and grope each other.
I really thought that moving in with Scott would give me all of the fodder in the world to write about. There would be so many things to harp upon in my blog, so many little things that I would want changed, so many habits to dissect. That hasn't happened. Our communication has blossomed and I already knew all of his habits. I want to say that I love him so much it's painful--because that is definitely the amplitude of my love--but it's not an accurate statement. Loving Scott doesn't hurt. Loving Scott feels very rational and realistic. Here is our apartment and here we are inside it, together. That is all there is to say. Together.
I worry about Scott lying to me, but even that doesn't scare me anymore. If Scott lies to me, then I will deal with it. I will probably be heartbroken, but didn't I know that was a very possible outcome when we first started dating? Don't I know that it's a very possible outcome even if Scott doesn't lie and things work out perfectly? It really is that simple.