You'll have good days and bad...
Living with a chronically ill person can certainly be the most difficult thing someone does with their life. Loving them? Even harder. But it can also be the most rewarding experience of your life too.
The thing is, chronically ill people have a vastly different outlook on life than healthy people do. They understand life a little better, their illness forces them into a different perspective, one many people would do well to learn.
When things are going well for them, they are exceptionally well. These people understand the value of a good day far better than their healthy counterparts. A good day has possiblities, a chance to actually go out into the world and live. On a good day they are not constrained by their illness, no healing wounds, IV poles or tubes attached to their body. They don't have to worry if they have the energy for the day's tasks. On a good day, the world around them is full of possibilities and opportunities and nothing is going to stop them from making the absolute most of it.
They go out into the world, go to places they always wanted to go, buy things they never get to buy, meet new people and experience new things. They want to do it all, to experience everything they can because of what happens at the end of the day. At the end of the day, they go to sleep just like you and me. But unlike us, they wonder what tomorrow will bring for their health. The thing with chronically ill people is that they don't know when their next good day could come. Their secret fear is if one will ever come again.
Of course, these good days wouldn't be nearly as good as they are without the bad days to compare them to.
The problem with the bad days is that they are always plural. It's never just one bad day. It's two bad days or a week. Sometimes more. Sometimes they blur together, stretching on and on until a week becomes a month and months become a year. And they're left wondering when they're finally going to get better, when they're going to have one of those good days again? When can they take time to savor life or just to live like a normal person again? Because that's all they want. They want to be like us, to go to work every day (even if it's a job they hate), to pay bills and deal with our every day frustrations. Because, in their perspective, those frustrations are nothing compared to what they live with. Stuck in a hospital bed, tethered to an IV pole day in and out. Or stuck inside their own home, a virtual prisoner because they lack the energy to get up and simply walk out their front door.
That's the hardest part of living with a chronically ill person, being everything they wish they could be. Being the one who has the freedom to go to work and pay the bills. Being the one who can leave the hospital room behind in order to take care of necessities. Being the one who can find those extra reserves of energy to do those things your significant other can't do. Because you know they wish it could be them doing those things. Because you know they feel like a burden to you when they wake you from a deep sleep for the third night in a row to help them do something they can't. And even though you know that can't be farther from the truth, you can't stop them feeling that way.
But you know you wouldn't trade places with anyone else in the world despite all the hardships you experience together. Even when those months become a year and you too are wondering when things will improve (because you mustn't ever think 'if' because if implies doubt and you have nothing but endless faith that things WILL improve). You stay with your significant other through it all, the good days and the bad. You stick with them because you love them, because they are the reason you wake up in the morning, the reason you go to work each day, and travel to the hospital each night.
They're not the burden to you that they believe they are. In fact, they have helped raise you up higher than you could do on your own. Even through the desperation and worry, they taught you a valuable lesson. That life is what you make of it. Each good day is a gift. You can't waste a good day even if you feel like it, because you never know just how many good days you have. You need to treasure those days and make the most of those moments.
And when a bad day arrives? Don't whine about it, there's no reason to be petty. Just take a breath, find those reserves and push through it. Because once this bad day is over, another good day is waiting to greet you with it's possibilities. And in this world? Those possibilities are endless.
This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth. You can comment here or at Dreamwidth, where there are
comments.
The thing is, chronically ill people have a vastly different outlook on life than healthy people do. They understand life a little better, their illness forces them into a different perspective, one many people would do well to learn.
When things are going well for them, they are exceptionally well. These people understand the value of a good day far better than their healthy counterparts. A good day has possiblities, a chance to actually go out into the world and live. On a good day they are not constrained by their illness, no healing wounds, IV poles or tubes attached to their body. They don't have to worry if they have the energy for the day's tasks. On a good day, the world around them is full of possibilities and opportunities and nothing is going to stop them from making the absolute most of it.
They go out into the world, go to places they always wanted to go, buy things they never get to buy, meet new people and experience new things. They want to do it all, to experience everything they can because of what happens at the end of the day. At the end of the day, they go to sleep just like you and me. But unlike us, they wonder what tomorrow will bring for their health. The thing with chronically ill people is that they don't know when their next good day could come. Their secret fear is if one will ever come again.
Of course, these good days wouldn't be nearly as good as they are without the bad days to compare them to.
The problem with the bad days is that they are always plural. It's never just one bad day. It's two bad days or a week. Sometimes more. Sometimes they blur together, stretching on and on until a week becomes a month and months become a year. And they're left wondering when they're finally going to get better, when they're going to have one of those good days again? When can they take time to savor life or just to live like a normal person again? Because that's all they want. They want to be like us, to go to work every day (even if it's a job they hate), to pay bills and deal with our every day frustrations. Because, in their perspective, those frustrations are nothing compared to what they live with. Stuck in a hospital bed, tethered to an IV pole day in and out. Or stuck inside their own home, a virtual prisoner because they lack the energy to get up and simply walk out their front door.
That's the hardest part of living with a chronically ill person, being everything they wish they could be. Being the one who has the freedom to go to work and pay the bills. Being the one who can leave the hospital room behind in order to take care of necessities. Being the one who can find those extra reserves of energy to do those things your significant other can't do. Because you know they wish it could be them doing those things. Because you know they feel like a burden to you when they wake you from a deep sleep for the third night in a row to help them do something they can't. And even though you know that can't be farther from the truth, you can't stop them feeling that way.
But you know you wouldn't trade places with anyone else in the world despite all the hardships you experience together. Even when those months become a year and you too are wondering when things will improve (because you mustn't ever think 'if' because if implies doubt and you have nothing but endless faith that things WILL improve). You stay with your significant other through it all, the good days and the bad. You stick with them because you love them, because they are the reason you wake up in the morning, the reason you go to work each day, and travel to the hospital each night.
They're not the burden to you that they believe they are. In fact, they have helped raise you up higher than you could do on your own. Even through the desperation and worry, they taught you a valuable lesson. That life is what you make of it. Each good day is a gift. You can't waste a good day even if you feel like it, because you never know just how many good days you have. You need to treasure those days and make the most of those moments.
And when a bad day arrives? Don't whine about it, there's no reason to be petty. Just take a breath, find those reserves and push through it. Because once this bad day is over, another good day is waiting to greet you with it's possibilities. And in this world? Those possibilities are endless.
This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth. You can comment here or at Dreamwidth, where there are
comments.