The Only Hope for Me is You (6/6)
Title: The Only Hope for Me is You
Author: Ly-Marie Ramos
Wordcount: 50,270 in total (8360 this part)
Characters: Original Characters: Fiona Emerson and Alexandria Dawson
Pairing(s): Fiona/Alex
Genre: Original Fiction
Notes: I am so proud of this story its ridiculous =D
Summary: Fiona Emerson has issues, and Alexandria Dawson might have the remedy that is if she ever lets her break down the wall Fiona has built around herself.
She woke up a few short hours after sweating and shaking.
Alex just held her until she calmed down enough. She turned her face to hers and smoothed her hands down her cheek, “Your cheek is red.”
Fiona nodded she had forgotten that her dad had slapped her, “My dad he hit me. I cursed at him.”
“Oh,” Alex said pulling her until she was almost on top of her. “So you dreamed of Miranda?”
Fiona nodded, “It was one of the worst ones I’ve had in a while.”
“You’re stressed Fi,” Alex responded. “But you gotta sleep. If you don’t you’ll waste away to nothing.”
Fiona just shook her head, “I’ll try.”
Alex had fallen asleep immediately after and Fiona had stayed awake tracing her fingers on the comforter and trying to fall asleep to no avail.
She knew her mom must be worried about her. She had left her phone in her car along with the rest of her valuables. Maybe she should’ve told her mom where she was going, but she thought that it was pretty obvious where else was she supposed to be going. There was only one other person she hung out with regularly beside Betsy.
She closed her eyes and sighed relaxing into Alex and wiping her mind blank.
It worked for all of two minutes and she came to the conclusion that she was not going back to sleep. This had happened regularly after Miranda. She would have bad dreams about the things that Miranda did to her which were somehow worse in her dreams than in real life.
And she couldn’t go back to sleep no matter how hard she tried.
She got up with little protest from Alex which proved that the girl was truly a deep sleeper. She grabbed the teddy bear which had somehow fallen on the floor and tucked it under her arm before heading out.
She found the kitchen pretty easily and turned on the stove light. It cast a soft warm glow around and gave her enough light to see around. She set Mr. Marc Edward Jacobson on top of the counter and sighed, “Do you know where they keep the tea?”
There was silence. She shrugged and went in search for it, “You know I don’t think it’s odd that you don’t answer me. When I was younger I used to talk to all of my teddy bears and they answered, but then again I always did have a vivid memory as a child.”
She made a sound of joy when she found the chamomile tea and grabbed a mug from the cabinet above the microwave before putting some water in it and putting it in for two minutes to heat up.
She turned around to address the bear and nearly screamed when she found Alex’s mom standing there with it in her hands.
“I remember when I first gave this to Alex. She was three and scared of the dark. I gave it to her to protect her from all of the monsters that were hiding under her bed and in the closet and in the dark corners. I had thought that she had gotten rid of it.”
Fiona gulped, “She hasn’t. I’ve sort of adopted him as my own security blanket as of late.”
Alex’s mom looked at her kind of speculatively, “I heard about your father.”
Fiona nodded swallowing and closing her eyes. She jumped lightly when the microwave dinged. She turned and took out the tea and put the tea bag in it. Alex’s mom handed her a spoon and a small bowl of sugar before leaning on her elbows by the counter, “I don’t hate you or your relationship with my daughter. My hate of gay people as she probably calls it stems from the fact that my husband left me because he fell in love with out pool boy.”
Fiona just stirred sugar into her tea not saying anything.
“He’s been a closeted case ever since,” she sighed. “I am not happy that Alex is like him, but I am glad that she is not pretending to be something she is not. Despite what she thinks, I love my daughter very much.”
Fiona nodded sipping her tea.
“I only want what is best for her. You seem to make her ridiculous amounts of happy.”
Fiona hid her grin into her mug and set down the cup, “Thank you.”
Alex’s mother nodded turning around, but before she exited the kitchen she said, “But just because you have my blessing does not mean that you can have sex in my car.”
Fiona just watched her and she was pretty sure that the woman was laughing at her. She sat down on top of one of the stools and pulled the teddy bear towards her chest. She took another sip of her tea and laid her head down on the counter, “The things you learn huh Mr. Marc?”
She hadn’t realized that she had fallen asleep until Alex was shaking her awake. She looked blearily at her, “What are you doing out here?”
Fiona stretched and rubbed the back of her neck which was hurting. She looked at the cold tea and the drool spot she’d left on the otherwise spotless counter and said, “I couldn’t sleep.”
Alex just shook her head and grabbed her hand, “Come on. You gotta take a shower and get dressed.”
Fiona nodded and Alex just pushed her toward the bathroom.
She took a shower and put on the clothes that Alex had pulled out for her which turned out to be a pair of baggy jeans that were probably the tightest pair she could find with a tank top and a hoodie. She pulled her hair up in a pony tail and walked back out. Alex handed her a cup of coffee and she moaned into it, “Oh god! Thank you!”
Fiona sipped her coffee and looked at Alex who was watching her appreciatively, “You look good in my clothes.”
Fiona blushed and looked to see what Alex was wearing. It was her cheerleading uniform. Fiona just gulped down some more coffee and shook her head, “You look good in that cheerleading uniform.”
“I would also appreciate it if you kept the sex and innuendo someplace where I can’t see it.”
Fiona turned back to find Alex’s mom all dressed and smiling at them from behind her own coffee cup.
“Mom!”
Fiona just smiled and grabbed Alex’s hand, “Don’t worry. I spoke to her.”
Alex just looked at them then shook her head, “Come on we’ll be late for school.”
Fiona grinned and waved cheerily and Alex’s mom before letting herself be pulled to her car.
“What did you and my mom talk about?”
Fiona just turned to Alex and leaned over the seat to press a kiss on her mouth, “She gave me permission to date you. Not that I needed it, but it’s nice to know that she approves.”
Alex just shook her head blushing lightly and pressed another kiss before putting on her seat belt. Fiona started her car and pulled out of the drive way.
“I think it’s fair that I tell you that I spoke to your mom last night so that she wouldn’t worry.”
Fiona looked at her and threw her a smile, “Thanks Lex. I was scared that she was going out of her mind with worry since I left my phone in the car.”
Alex just threaded their fingers together and stayed quiet.
The drive to school was quiet and peaceful. They reached with plenty of time to spare. Fiona had leaned back in her seat and sighed.
“You alright there Fi?”
Fiona smiled softly at her, “Thank you for letting me stay with you last night. I just really needed to get away from it all.”
Alex leaned across her seat and kissed her, “No problem Fi. You have to know you’re always welcomed. There will always be a place for you at my house. Even if we’re not together forever.”
Fiona looked at her in shock, “Bite your tongue.”
Alex grinned and pressed their lips together again before opening her door, “Come on we gotta get to class.”
Fiona sighed and got out of the car, “I have no bag.”
Alex shrugged and threw an arm around her shoulders. Fiona locked her car and threw her keys into her purse, “You’re just going to lose them when you need them and besides we usually share books and stuff.”
Fiona just shook her head and let herself be lead into the school. Alex led them, to her locker talking about the different types of tea she had at home that they could try out later.
Fiona just nodded in all of the right places and pulled out the books for her first class. It wasn’t that she wasn’t interested, well it was. She really didn’t like tea, she drank it whenever she wanted to sleep and it wasn’t like if Alex didn’t shut her up every time she started talking about the new Italian roast coffee Betsy had found.
“And you really aren’t paying attention to a word I’m saying right now aren’t you?”
Fiona looked over at her guiltily and lifted on her toes to press a kiss on her lips, “Why don’t we worry about this later?”
Alex laughed and pushed off the lockers, “I got ‘cheerleading’ practice, right now so I’ll be missing our first two periods.”
She stalked over to her and pressed their lips together once again before smirking and dropping her bag on the floor and leaving.
Fiona watched her leave before grinning to herself and picking the bag up from the floor. She closed her locker door and turned around to head to her first class.
~*~*~*~
The rest of the day was relatively calm. She didn’t see Esmeralda anywhere but Madison was looking very smug with herself which told Fiona that she was playing Galinda.
Fiona tried not to squirm at that. She had gotten the part of Elpheba fair and square.
She was on her way to her third class when her phone rang.
She pulled it out of her pocket realizing now that she had not checked it all of last night and this morning. She had a couple of missed calls and some text messages, but the person that had been calling her just now was had been her dad.
She placed her phone into her pocket and turned around. She was suddenly grabbed by someone and pulled into the janitor’s closet. She smiled as Alex pressed their lips together.
“So can we make out now?” Alex whispered. “I’ve been wanting to for hours.”
Fiona smirked against her mouth, “I don’t think I should let you.”
Alex just tugged her head back and licked into her open mouth literally sticking her tongue down her throat. Fiona just wrapped her arms around her neck and pulled her closer sucking on her tongue. She really didn’t see the point in playing hard to get sometimes. But other times she wanted to see what Alex would do if she refused her.
Her phone started to vibrate again. Alex pulled away and groped her unnecessarily in search for it.
She made a triumphant noise when she finally found it and pressed her mouth to her neck before opening it and answering it for her. Fiona leaned forward and pressed her mouth to Alex’s neck dragging her lips upward and sucking on her chin.
“Hello?”
Fiona nuzzled into her neck and left little nips against her throat, “This is Alex.”
She wrapped her arms tighter around Alex’s neck attempting to get closer when Alex pulled back, “Hello Mr. Emerson.”
Fiona turned around and tried to leave, but Alex trapped her against the door and pressed her finger to her mouth, “I’m sorry Mr. Emerson but I don’t think that Fiona wants to talk to you right now.”
Fiona closed her eyes and tried to pretend that she couldn’t hear what Alex was saying or the little voice that belonged to her dad sounding so small coming from the other end of the phone. She couldn’t understand what he was saying but it made her heart ache to hear his voice.
“I understand that Mr. Emerson, but what you did was kind of messed up too. I mean if you really cared about your daughter you would’ve told her what was going on instead of lying about it for so many years.”
Fiona resisted the urge to smile at her, “No I am most definitely judging you. Oh. Well I strive to not lie to her at any time. Well I’m pretty sure that if people lied less we would have no problems. I won’t lie to you either. So yea I am very much so tapping your daughter’s ass. It’s a fine ass I must say.”
Fiona gaped at her, “Alex!”
Alex just smiled at her and hooked her finger into her mouth, “I am completely positive that that was not at all inappropriate. Not as inappropriate as hitting your daughter across the face so hard she still has the mark.”
Alex fingers trailed down her cheek and Fiona closed her eyes because she had seen the mark this morning and had attempted to cover it but it had turned out to be useless.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t think we’re both prepared to hear your apology, good bye.” She hung up the phone on him and pressed her mouth on Fiona.
Fiona pulled away, “Why did you do that?”
“To protect you,” Alex said simply. “To defend you. Because you deserve someone to stand up for you.”
Fiona smiled and pressed their mouths together, “Thanks.”
The bell ran loudly and Fiona groaned, “Ugh. We should go to school.”
Alex shrugged, “Sure if you want to. I know I much rather prefer to spread you apart right here.”
She demonstrated by pulling her knees apart. Fiona just gasped and held on to Alex, “Not in school.”
Alex laughed and picked her off her feet and opened the door.
Fiona wrapped her legs around Alex’s waist and let herself be carried her to class.
~*~*~*~
Later on they were sitting down at the auditorium. Alex was leaning back against the wall and she was sitting down in between her legs. It was lunch time and Fiona was watching the school’s glee club perform.
She was smiling and moving along to the music and Alex was just watching her with a smile on her face.
“Wanna join the glee club too?”
Fiona shook her head, “No way. That’s like for real performers. I just dabble.”
Alex hugged her pulling her back into her space, “You do realize that you are going to be in like a musical. Acting, singing and dancing? It’s all about real performers.”
Fiona smiled, “I know. I don’t think I would’ve been able to do it if it was all the time. This is just one play.”
She gave Alex a kiss then stood up, “I have to go pee.”
She jumped off the stage and ran to the backstage where she knew the bathroom was. She was humming along to the song the kids were performing.
She walked out of the bathroom dancing to the beat and heard the screaming. She ran over there and looked up to see Alex yelling at her dad. She jumped up on the stage and stood in between them.
“What is going on here?”
Alex just crossed her arms and refused to talk.
She looked over at her dad who sighed, “I just want to talk to you.”
“About what? You said everything you needed to say last night. I don’t need to hear anything else,” she turned around grabbing Alex’s hand to leave.
“I have three weeks left.”
Fiona stopped walking. She felt like if the whole world had just stopped.
“What?”
Her dad stepped forward and gripped her hands, “Three weeks. I went to the best doctors because I wanted to be sure of how much time I had. I needed to know.”
Fiona closed her eyes shaking her head, “You waited all of this time to come and see me just to tell me that you also were cheating on my mom and then tell me that you have three weeks left to live?”
Her dad stepped forward, “When you put it that way it sounds bad.”
“Bad?” Fiona asked. “Bad?!? It sounds horrible. It sounds like if you waited until it got bad enough to tell me so that I would have no choice but to forgive you.”
“Fiona,” he began but Fiona cut him off.
“No,” she began. “I can’t do this right now. I need time.”
“Time I don’t have,” he practically yelled.
Fiona pulled back like if she had been slapped. She shook her head at him, “Whose fault is that?”
She turned around and jumped off the stage once again ignoring her dad.
Alex caught up with her once she reached her car. She didn’t attempt to hug her. She just took the keys from Fiona’s hand and pushed her toward the passenger seat while getting into the driver side.
Fiona leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. She sighed and shook her head once she felt the car start moving.
“It’s not fair you know,” she whispered. “Not fair of him to do this to me.”
Fiona opened her eyes and looked over at Alex who was gripping the steering wheel a little too hard.
“He should’ve told me sooner. They both should have. I need time to think about this. Time to forgive him and move on so that we can go back to how we were. I can’t do that if he’s dying Lexi. If he’s dying, there is nothing that I can do.”
Alex sighed, “I’m not going to tell you what to do, because it is obvious that he waited until now to tell you so that he could die with a clean conscious, but he is your father Fi. And no matter how much you might hate him now, you will regret it if you don’t forgive him.”
Fiona nodded her head closing her eyes against the tears springing to her eyes, “I know. And I don’t want to hate him. I don’t think I do hate him. I just hate the way he went about doing this. He really should’ve just told me sooner. Tried to contact me sooner not wait until the last minute.”
Alex just grabbed her hand and pressed a kiss on her knuckles, “The way it looks you are caught between a rock and a hard place.”
Fiona just sighed nodding and closed her eyes again.
“It is sort of unfair on you to make this decision by yourself though,” Alex began.
“What are you suggesting Lexi,” Fiona asked half asleep. And it really was getting ridiculous now that all she seemed to be doing since this weekend has been sleep and cry. She was getting tired of it.
“I’m suggesting that you talk with your mom,” she said as if it was the simplest thing in the world which it was not but still seemed that way.
“It’s not that easy Lex,” Fiona began but Alex just pressed a finger against her mouth.
“It’s pretty easy Fi,” she says looking at her briefly before turning her eyes back to the road. “You can’t go avoiding your mom forever love. It’s not possible. You’ll have to go home eventually. “
Fiona just shook her head again and laid her head back against her seat, “Just go to sleep Fi.”
Fiona nodded this time and closed her eyes relaxing and trying to forget about everything.
~*~*~*~
When Fiona opened her eyes again, she was in her room. She groaned and attempted to curse at Alex. But the girl was lying down on the other side of the bed. Fiona got up quietly and slipped out of the bed. She padded out of the room and headed to the kitchen. She was almost there when she heard her mom say, “Well then maybe you shouldn’t have told her.”
“I shouldn’t have told her?” that was her dad’s voice. She began to make her way out when the next words he said made her stop. “You would’ve ended up telling her yourself and would’ve made it sound much worse than it is.”
“Like if you didn’t do that all by yourself,” her mother snapped and Fiona gave her a point. “And anyway I wasn’t planning on telling her anything. I was going to keep quiet. You think that if that was what I wanted when I told you to tell her yourself you have another thing coming. If all I wanted was for her to hate you I would’ve told her all about it the moment she told me that she hated me. But I didn’t because I saw it then like I saw it now that you were the only thing keeping her holding on. The only thing keeping her from falling into a world of drugs and sex and violence and keeping her concentrated on her art and I was okay with that.”
“Molly,” her father began and Fiona hit her head against the wall.
“No, don’t Molly me.”
Her mom’s voice sounded deathly, “I saw what it did to her and I was powerless to stop it. I asked you to come home and talk to her when she started to become withdrawn and started to come home with bruises. You remember? She was fourteen and in an abusive relationship with a girl three years older than her. And I asked you to come talk to her to let her know that she didn’t need to be around her to feel loved that you loved her, but you didn’t you stayed with your perfect little family. I bet you haven’t told her that that family you left her for, those girls are actually your daughters. Your older daughters. I bet you haven’t told her that you cheated first. You still want to maintain the image that you were right and that’s dead now. You have to give her time.”
“I don’t have that kind of time. I have to be in the hospital in two days.”
“What do you want from her? She’s just a teenage girl she’s not going to be rational about this.”
Fiona sobbed and the sound must’ve carried into the kitchen because there was a sudden silence, “Fiona?”
She looked up to see her mom watching her.
“Oh honey,” she moved forward to hug her but Fiona jumped back.
“I really can’t do this right now,” she whispered. “I have to go.”
She turned around and headed calmly to her room. She heard her mom screaming and her dad yelling and she felt all of seven years old again when her dad left.
She pulled on her shoes and looked at Alex who was still sleeping peacefully on her bed. She sighed and grabbed her purse.
She walked to the living room where Bobby and Kate where not doing their homework but looking a little lost. She smiled softly at them, “Want to go get some ice cream?”
They both looked at her a bit sadly and nodded. She held out her hands for them and pulled out her phone. She sent Alex a message telling her where she was going and took the kids outside. She strapped them into her car and slipped into the driver’s seat in the exact second that Alex walked out of the apartment and slipped into the passenger side.
She smiled at the kids and pressed a kiss on Fiona’s hand, “So ice cream?”
Fiona grinned at her and she knew that Alex knew that that meant that she was ridiculously glad that Alex wasn’t questioning her about anything, that Alex wasn’t commenting on the fact that her parents were arguing in the kitchen about her and whose fault it was that she was now depressed and whose fault it was that she had to deal with the Miranda thing alone. She closed her eyes for a second before squeezing Alex’s fingers and starting the car.
Alex tangled their fingers together and let her drive in silence.
She put on the music settling on a station that played eighties music and smiled at the way her siblings sang along to most of the songs.
She grinned when ‘Eye of the Tiger’ came on and began singing out loud with them. Alex joined them at the chorus and soon enough she was cranking up the music and singing loudly with the windows pulled down and laughing.
When the song had finished Alex had looked at her grinning and leaned over pressing a kiss on her cheek, “I miss your smile.”
Fiona blushed looking away and drove to the ice cream store.
~*~*~*~
When they had reached home, her dad was nowhere to be found and her mom was at work. She had gotten a call from Mrs. Hudson and had apologized for not being there for the meeting. She told her that she had some family issues going on, but that she promised that she would be there for the next meeting. There were some petty promises with cherries on top and some swearing on her mother’s early grave.
She sent the kids upstairs to do homework and went into the kitchen expecting to find a disaster zone, but there was none. She remembered being seven and the fire being stuck in the fire.
“She had burnt all of his paintings,” Fiona whispered. “They yelled at each other and then he stormed out with his bag and she had set his room on fire. Set all of the painting aflame squirting turpentine and making the blaze really big, completely ignoring the fact that I always went in there when they were arguing. She saved me once she realized it, but it was never the same. I blamed her for a lot of things after that.”
Alex wrapped her arms around her and let her lean on her.
“You know any other person would’ve left once they figured out exactly how messed up I am,” she commented letting Alex rock her back and forth.
Alex chuckled into her cheek, “Well I’m not any other person. I am Alex and I don’t believe in giving up once I get what I want. And I wanted you from the second I saw you. Once I got you, I will not let you go.”
Fiona smiled and put her hands against her cheeks, “You’re still too corny to be believable.”
“Ah you love it,” Alex replied grinning.
Fiona smiled, “Maybe.”
She pulled away and began making dinner.
They spent the rest of the day talking mindlessly about nothing and teaching Bobby and Kate how to waltz. Then Fiona pulled out her music player and plugged it into the TV and set around to dancing and acting to ‘Defying Gravity.’
By the time she had put the kids to bed, they were singing along to the song with her.
Alex was on the couch watching some random channel on TV. Fiona walked over turning off the lights and nearly threw herself on the couch.
Alex immediately pulled her closer. She settled on her lap threading their fingers together and sighed, “It’s been a long day.”
Alex nodded setting her other hand on her head and began carding her fingers through her hair.
“My mom gave me the okay to spend the night here as long as we don’t have sex,” she sounded half amused.
Fiona groaned, “Why is it that people always assumed that we are always having sex whenever we sleep together?”
“Because it is blatantly obvious that we always want to have sex?” Alex said making it sound like a question and Fiona slapped her thigh half heartedly.
“We do not always want to have sex,” she yawned and snuggled down into her lap. “It’s another stereotype. People figure since we can’t get each other pregnant then obviously we’d be having more sex.”
“Or maybe it’s because they figure since we’re teenagers and teenagers are emotional balls of hormones that we are just always horny and wanting to go at it.”
Fiona grinned at that and sat up moving to straddle Alex’s lap, “Are you horny right now Alex?”
Alex grinned and it made her stomach flip and her smiled softened because it was still insane that her smile could still do that to her, “Wanna go make out in your room?”
Fiona grinned and leaned forward pressing her mouth right up against Alex’s ear and panted hotly moving her hips, “Want to try out my new vibrating dildo?”
Instead of answering Alex pushed her back and stood up before grabbing her and throwing her over her shoulder in the fireman’s carry and walking away.
Fiona laughed all the way to her room not stopping until Alex had thrown her on the bed and locked the door behind her. She walked back over and loomed over her.
Fiona smiled softly at her and grabbed at the shirt she was wearing and tugged her down on top of her.
Alex went along willingly and pressed their mouths together softly and slowly and chastely. Fiona felt her eyes roll to the back of her head and shiver, “Lexi.”
She could feel Alex shivering too. The girl pulled away and just looked at her and Fiona wondered what she saw when she looked at her. Wondered why she looked at her like if she hung the moon and the stars. Wondered why she looked at her like if she was the greatest thing to happen to her.
Alex leaned down to press their mouths together again this time a bit messier a bit wetter a bit hotter. Fiona groaned and wondered what was different about this moment. Why it felt different.
“Lexi,” she whispered once she had pulled back. Their breathing was ragged and the only sound that was littering the air.
Fiona lifted her hands and ran it through Alex’s short hair and realized that what felt different was that she was ready now. She smiled and gently pushed her back. Alex leaned on her haunches and looked at her in confusion as she slipped out of bed and padded over to her dresser. Fiona pulled out a box and some lube because she was scared and it might be hard for her to get wet and turned around.
She smiled at Alex and the girl watched her in confusion.
“Alex,” she said whispering and putting the objects down on the bed.
Alex smiled and slipped her hands up into Fiona’s shirt patting her stomach. Fiona’s eyes rolled to the back of her bed and she whispered again, “Alex.”
The girl looked up at her and smiled, “Yes?”
Fiona swallowed nervously, “Lexi. I want you to…I need you to…”
She swallowed again looking away and looking back to Alex. Alex just patiently patted her stomach then wrapped her arms around her waist and tugged her into her lap making the girl straddle her, “What do you want Fiona?”
Fiona looked at her and saw that by the way her pupils were blown wide that Alex already knew what she wanted she just wanted her to say it.
“Alex,” she said lowly and throatily. “Fuck me.”
Alex groaned closing her eyes and thrusting her hips up pulled her down for a rough kiss. Fiona groaned and wrapped her arms around her shoulders and let her pull them back. She let Alex pull her shirt off and twist them around so that she was lying under her and then let her gently and slowly pull off the rest of her clothes.
Fiona always felt like if she was flying whenever Alex touched her skin. It was even better whenever there was skin to skin contact and Alex always made it better, always made her feel as clichéd as it sounded, like if she was still a virgin.
Alex treated her like glass, she felt safe.
She was still scared when it happened. She still expected it to be rough, but Alex proved her wrong proved her different and she gasped and squirmed and pulled her closer, deeper and more, more, more, more, more.
They both ended up tangled up against each other naked skin pressed tight, heart beats almost in sync and Fiona thought just before she fell asleep that this is what being in love feels like.
~*~*~*~
She got the call early the next morning.
She was still tangled up in Alex. She had smiled and felt pleasantly achy and couldn’t resist the urge to press their mouths together. Alex had responded in kind. She pressed their mouths and slipped fingers and Fiona gasped into her mouth turning fully around so that she could fully take advantage of her.
It was lazy early morning sex and Fiona wondered if this was how it would always feel like.
After Fiona had gotten up and was sipping on her coffee her phone rang. She picked it up with a ridiculous smile on her face and answered it cheerfully expecting it to be Mrs. Hudson with some surprise early morning meeting, but it wasn’t.
Fiona wasn’t aware that she had let the coffee cup go and that it had fallen to the floor until she felt the hot liquid hitting her legs, but even then she didn’t pay attention.
“What?” she asked because she had to have heard wrong. She had to have misheard this woman telling her that her dad was in the hospital and that it was bad and that they think he wouldn’t last the day and that he was asking for her, because it was not possible. He was good and yelling at her and at her mom this morning and it just wasn’t possible.
She had not even fully hung up on the person before she was scrambling around her room looking for clothes.
She had pulled on a pair of sweats and a skirt and Alex’s shirt and was wearing two different pairs of shoes when Alex grabbed her already fully dressed and asked her what was going on.
She was pretty sure that Alex did not understand one word she had just said.
“Your dad is in the hospital?”
Fiona just nodded still not believing it. Alex just grabbed her hand and tugged her behind her and started talking into her phone and Fiona felt lost and confused and she just let herself be pushed into the passenger seat of her car and tried to not hyperventilate or die on the way to the hospital because that would just be very, very bad and maybe she was already hyperventilating because she was breathing fast and the world was becoming fuzzy all around.
“Fiona! Breathe!”
She tried to follow the instructions and breathe, because breathing was good and when she was breathing she could go yell at her dad for leaving her when she needed him for not coming when she needed him and for leaving her now before she could forgive him because dammit she needed to forgive him. He needed to know that she loved him.
Alex just got into the car once she was a bit more stable and began driving them to the hospital while talking to someone on the phone. Fiona thinks it’s maybe Mr. Tony but then at the same time it could be her mom or the school board and dammit Mrs. Hudson was probably going to kick her off of the play and it was no fair she really did want to play Elpheba.
“And you’ll still play her,” Alex said. “We just have to tell Mrs. Hudson what’s happening.”
So she was talking out loud.
Fiona leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes seeing behind her eyelids all of the memories she shared with her dad and really the good did outweigh the bad.
When they got to the hospital, all they were able to do was wait.
Fiona sat down next to Alex their fingers threaded together and felt that she was being watched by the three women sitting across from her.
Their names were Rachel Emerson and her daughters Tammy and Jenny Emerson. They were Fiona’s half mother and older half sisters.
They introduced themselves but Fiona felt uncomfortable. She didn’t need another reason to be mad at her dad.
When her mom appeared looking as if she had went through war to get there and hugged her Fiona finally felt calm.
After making sure that her mom had left the kids with Betsy she sighed and leaning against Alex pulled her mom to sit with them.
They waited in silence for a couple of hours until the doctor came out.
They all immediately stood up and flocked him. Poor guy looked a bit overwhelmed, “He is stabilized but can’t really see visitors know though he is asking for Fiona.”
Fiona gulped and stepped forward. The doctor smiled softly at her, “You can stay with him for maybe ten minutes, but no upsetting him or anything ok?”
Fiona nodded and after giving Alex’s hand one last squeeze made her way to the room.
The first thing she noticed was the heart monitor. The soft rhythmic beeping was in sync with her heart so she smiled. Then she looked at her dad and wondered how it was possible for someone to change so much in the course of one day.
He had his eyes closed and looked like he was in much pain.
“Dad,” she whispered stepping closer just in case he was asleep.
But he wasn’t his eyes opened and he looked at Fiona with such a look it made her heart ache.
“Fiona,” he whispered his voice raspy and rough. She stepped forward and grabbing the water from the side table put the straw between her fingers and dripped the droplets over his chapped lips.
He smiled in thanks and lifted his hand up. She grabbed his hand and resisted the urge to cry.
“I never wanted to force your forgiveness,” he began talking and then began coughing and Fiona saw him turn away to cough into the napkin. She saw the specks of blood. Fiona had read up on all of the medical journals she could find that talked about lung cancer and she knew this was the last stage.
She sniffed and was shocked that when she lifted her hands to her face she was crying, “Daddy don’t. I’m sorry for everything I’ve said. I didn’t mean it. I was just upset. Daddy please don’t die.”
Her dad turned to her and lifted his hand to cup her cheek and Fiona sniffled wishing she was younger and could crawl into his lap and curl there and sleep away her troubles.
He shushed her, “Honey I don’t blame you got anything that you said. And I’m sorry I waited so long to reenter your life.”
She shook her head wanting to tell him that it was ok, “It’s not ok.”
She just cried harder, “But I promise you that it will be ok. Maybe not now but soon enough it will be. You are strong my Fiona. The strongest person that I know and I know that you will overcome this.”
Fiona just shook her head and cried harder and she had thought that she was cried out.
She just leaned her head against the bed and he patted her head, “Don’t cry for me, Fiona. All I want it for you to be happy and for you to know that I am proud of the person you have become.”
Fiona nodded and kissed her father’s knuckles.
The doctor came and got her smiling sadly at her tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes.
She walked over to her mom and Alex and wrapped her arms around her mom first and then Alex who held her until the doctor said that he should be stable for several more days but that he wasn’t leaving the hospital.
Fiona’s mom convinced her to go home and rest for a bit that she had already called her out of school.
Before leaving however both Tammy and Jenny had stopped her and given her their phone numbers, “Just in case you want to stay in touch or get to know us.”
She nodded and had slipped the numbers into her back pocket grabbing Alex’s hand and heading out of the hospital.
Betsy had taken one look at her and then had given her a hug. Then had made her some soup and had sent both her and Alex to her room to eat it. Alex had fed her like if she was a baby and then had tucked her into bed and had handed her Mr. Marc Edward Jacobson. Fiona had just smiled weakly at all of the attention and had tried to ignore it with sleep.
~*~*~*~
The next couple of weeks were pretty hectic.
Fiona talked to Mrs. Hudson and by mutual understanding and a few meaningful hugs and threats of bodily harm if she didn’t keep her informed on her dad’s condition-apparently they went to high school together-she agreed to let her go. Fiona liked to perform onstage but she really needed to be with her family.
Her mom started working overtime and when she wasn’t taking care of the kids she was in the hospital having lunch with her dad and telling him about her life or having dinner dates with the twins Tammy and Jenny who seemed very nice but they were always kind of awkward or she was spending time with Alex which seemed to involve more sleeping than anything now a days or she was in school and midterms were looming in the horizon and it was pretty scary.
She wasn’t concentrating very well at all.
At the moment she was sitting on the edge of her father’s bed picking at the hospital food and smiled a bit at the fact that Alex had sat her down last night and force fed her dinner because she hadn’t eaten all day. There were days that she didn’t really eat until Alex or someone reminded her.
“You okay there?” she looked up at her dad who gave her a half smile.
She cleared her throat, “Yeah I’m fine dad just thinking.”
“What about?”
Fiona pushed her plate away and tucked her feet on the bed setting her chin on her knees and wrapping her arms around her calves, “I got the scholarship.”
Her dad’s eyes widened, “The Manhattan one?”
She nodded smiling lightly, “The same one you got but gave away. I want to go dad.”
He smiled nodding, “It sounds like it is an amazing opportunity and I wouldn’t want you to give it up for the world.”
“Dad,” she whispered. “I also got into UCLA on an academic scholarship. They want to transfer me out of school in the next semester and put me in a dual program over there.”
He just looked at her for a moment, “Have you told your mother this?”
She shook her head, “She’s been busy.”
He sighed leaning back, “What about Alex?”
Fiona shook her head again, “No I haven’t told her either.”
“Why?”
Fiona shook her head, “It’s complicated. She’s going to NYU. And I don’t want to be influenced in my decision, but it keeps sounding like a really good idea to go wherever she goes, but I also want to make this decision on my own. New York is incredible. It’s like everything I expected it to be, but California is also beautiful and either way I’ll still continue with my art. I just don’t know how to make this decision.”
Her dad sighed and settled down in his bed, “I’m not the right person to talk about this with. I made some bad decisions Fiona so I’m not exactly the right person to talk about this with. Maybe a counselor or maybe someone who actually went to college.”
Fiona shook her head grinning, “Don’t worry too much about it. I’ll make a decision sooner or later.”
She got off the bed and clapped her hands together, “Anyway, it’s time for me to get home and cook. So love you dad I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She pressed a kiss on his forehead and grabbed her bag and headed out. She smiled at Tammy and Jenny who were going to go in and flipped open her phone dialing Alex.
The girl picked up after the third ring sounding out of breath. Fiona smiled, “How’s practice?”
She could practically hear the groan over the phone, “Coach is trying to kill us I swear. We’re doing a competition or something for New Year’s and it’s all crazy. Can I quit now?”
Fiona just chuckled, “Maybe. You’ll have to talk to your mom.”
She got into her car and put the phone on speaker and set it right on her cup holder. She turned on the car and left the hospital parking lot talking to Alex all the way home.
A week before Christmas she surprised the kids and her mom by decorating the entire house with Betsy and Alex’s help. She had left the Christmas tree so they could do it together and Alex had helped Bobby put the star up at the top. After when Betsy had left and her mom had slept, Fiona had taught the kids how to make rice crispy treats. They ate them while they were still warm with some of Alex’s awesome hot chocolate and watched reruns of SpongeBob on TV.
Christmas Eve found her camping out in front of the Christmas tree with Alex and the kids. Then sneaking after they had fallen asleep and getting all of the presents she, Betsy, Alex, her dad, Tammy and Jenny and even Alex’s mom and Mrs. Hudson had gotten for them.
She smiled at the reaction the kids got when they saw the pile of presents the next morning.
Christmas Day was spent in the hospital with her dad. She had decorated the whole room and they had brought a Christmas feast and had just spent the day eating and joking and talking.
That night she slept with her mom in her room with the kids in between them and cried wanting things to have always been this way.
She got the call late on the 30th. She and Alex were decorating Alex’s mom’s ball room for the New Year’s party she was having the next day. It was sort of late and they were mostly just goofing off and dancing around to Christmas music. When the song ‘Baby, its cold outside’ came on Alex had stopped everything they were doing and had begun to waltz them around singing along to the song.
Her phone rang right in the middle of the song and she picked it up immediately. Alex just took one look at her face and grabbed the keys and her hand and headed to the hospital almost immediately.
She sat right by her father as the life was leaving his eyes. He kept their eyes locked together, his cloudy hers clear and was breathing rather harshly like if there was liquid in his lungs because there probably was liquid in his lungs. Fiona didn’t cry. She felt like if she was already cried out. She just held her father’s hand until the last shuddering wet breath left his body and he slumped down.
Fiona let go then and turned around. Everyone else in the room was in tears. Fiona had just grabbed Alex’s hand and had let her mom hug her once before pulling away and wiping at the tears running down her mom’s face. She smiled at Alex weakly and took the bear from her hands. Alex just took her hand and they made their way over to the exit of the hospital.
She stopped right at the door and looked over at Alex smiling sadly, “I think I need to be alone.”
Alex just smiled like if she knew exactly what was going on. She hugged her and gave her a light kiss, “Just get back safe.”
Fiona smiled, “I’ll see you at home later?”
Alex nodded her head and wrapped her arms around herself leaning back against the door and not taking her eyes of off her as she walked away. Fiona walked backwards and waved and then got into her car and strapped the bear into the passenger seat, “Well Mr. Marc Edward Jacobson, where should we go?”
She found herself on the beach just sitting and looking at the way that sun set into the moon and then how the moon became the sun once again and all she did was think and attempted not to cry. She mostly succeeded.
She slipped off the hood of the car once before leaving and walked over to the shore. She squatted right at the edge of the shore and let the water wet her shoes and her pants and ran her fingers through it smiling lightly as she remembered the first time she was here.
It was with her dad and she was five. She had begged him to stop and he did. They ran along the sea shore with her mother chasing after them. She had fallen down and had gotten soaked. She had cried because she had wet the pretty dress her mother had bought her and it had made her sad. Her mom had just lifted her into her arms and pressed a kiss against her forehead saying that they could always wash it.
She never wore that dress again, but she remembered how happy they had been.
She stood up leaving the shore and walked back to the car sitting back on the hood and watching the sun rise welcoming the New Year.
El Fin.
Author: Ly-Marie Ramos
Wordcount: 50,270 in total (8360 this part)
Characters: Original Characters: Fiona Emerson and Alexandria Dawson
Pairing(s): Fiona/Alex
Genre: Original Fiction
Notes: I am so proud of this story its ridiculous =D
Summary: Fiona Emerson has issues, and Alexandria Dawson might have the remedy that is if she ever lets her break down the wall Fiona has built around herself.
She woke up a few short hours after sweating and shaking.
Alex just held her until she calmed down enough. She turned her face to hers and smoothed her hands down her cheek, “Your cheek is red.”
Fiona nodded she had forgotten that her dad had slapped her, “My dad he hit me. I cursed at him.”
“Oh,” Alex said pulling her until she was almost on top of her. “So you dreamed of Miranda?”
Fiona nodded, “It was one of the worst ones I’ve had in a while.”
“You’re stressed Fi,” Alex responded. “But you gotta sleep. If you don’t you’ll waste away to nothing.”
Fiona just shook her head, “I’ll try.”
Alex had fallen asleep immediately after and Fiona had stayed awake tracing her fingers on the comforter and trying to fall asleep to no avail.
She knew her mom must be worried about her. She had left her phone in her car along with the rest of her valuables. Maybe she should’ve told her mom where she was going, but she thought that it was pretty obvious where else was she supposed to be going. There was only one other person she hung out with regularly beside Betsy.
She closed her eyes and sighed relaxing into Alex and wiping her mind blank.
It worked for all of two minutes and she came to the conclusion that she was not going back to sleep. This had happened regularly after Miranda. She would have bad dreams about the things that Miranda did to her which were somehow worse in her dreams than in real life.
And she couldn’t go back to sleep no matter how hard she tried.
She got up with little protest from Alex which proved that the girl was truly a deep sleeper. She grabbed the teddy bear which had somehow fallen on the floor and tucked it under her arm before heading out.
She found the kitchen pretty easily and turned on the stove light. It cast a soft warm glow around and gave her enough light to see around. She set Mr. Marc Edward Jacobson on top of the counter and sighed, “Do you know where they keep the tea?”
There was silence. She shrugged and went in search for it, “You know I don’t think it’s odd that you don’t answer me. When I was younger I used to talk to all of my teddy bears and they answered, but then again I always did have a vivid memory as a child.”
She made a sound of joy when she found the chamomile tea and grabbed a mug from the cabinet above the microwave before putting some water in it and putting it in for two minutes to heat up.
She turned around to address the bear and nearly screamed when she found Alex’s mom standing there with it in her hands.
“I remember when I first gave this to Alex. She was three and scared of the dark. I gave it to her to protect her from all of the monsters that were hiding under her bed and in the closet and in the dark corners. I had thought that she had gotten rid of it.”
Fiona gulped, “She hasn’t. I’ve sort of adopted him as my own security blanket as of late.”
Alex’s mom looked at her kind of speculatively, “I heard about your father.”
Fiona nodded swallowing and closing her eyes. She jumped lightly when the microwave dinged. She turned and took out the tea and put the tea bag in it. Alex’s mom handed her a spoon and a small bowl of sugar before leaning on her elbows by the counter, “I don’t hate you or your relationship with my daughter. My hate of gay people as she probably calls it stems from the fact that my husband left me because he fell in love with out pool boy.”
Fiona just stirred sugar into her tea not saying anything.
“He’s been a closeted case ever since,” she sighed. “I am not happy that Alex is like him, but I am glad that she is not pretending to be something she is not. Despite what she thinks, I love my daughter very much.”
Fiona nodded sipping her tea.
“I only want what is best for her. You seem to make her ridiculous amounts of happy.”
Fiona hid her grin into her mug and set down the cup, “Thank you.”
Alex’s mother nodded turning around, but before she exited the kitchen she said, “But just because you have my blessing does not mean that you can have sex in my car.”
Fiona just watched her and she was pretty sure that the woman was laughing at her. She sat down on top of one of the stools and pulled the teddy bear towards her chest. She took another sip of her tea and laid her head down on the counter, “The things you learn huh Mr. Marc?”
She hadn’t realized that she had fallen asleep until Alex was shaking her awake. She looked blearily at her, “What are you doing out here?”
Fiona stretched and rubbed the back of her neck which was hurting. She looked at the cold tea and the drool spot she’d left on the otherwise spotless counter and said, “I couldn’t sleep.”
Alex just shook her head and grabbed her hand, “Come on. You gotta take a shower and get dressed.”
Fiona nodded and Alex just pushed her toward the bathroom.
She took a shower and put on the clothes that Alex had pulled out for her which turned out to be a pair of baggy jeans that were probably the tightest pair she could find with a tank top and a hoodie. She pulled her hair up in a pony tail and walked back out. Alex handed her a cup of coffee and she moaned into it, “Oh god! Thank you!”
Fiona sipped her coffee and looked at Alex who was watching her appreciatively, “You look good in my clothes.”
Fiona blushed and looked to see what Alex was wearing. It was her cheerleading uniform. Fiona just gulped down some more coffee and shook her head, “You look good in that cheerleading uniform.”
“I would also appreciate it if you kept the sex and innuendo someplace where I can’t see it.”
Fiona turned back to find Alex’s mom all dressed and smiling at them from behind her own coffee cup.
“Mom!”
Fiona just smiled and grabbed Alex’s hand, “Don’t worry. I spoke to her.”
Alex just looked at them then shook her head, “Come on we’ll be late for school.”
Fiona grinned and waved cheerily and Alex’s mom before letting herself be pulled to her car.
“What did you and my mom talk about?”
Fiona just turned to Alex and leaned over the seat to press a kiss on her mouth, “She gave me permission to date you. Not that I needed it, but it’s nice to know that she approves.”
Alex just shook her head blushing lightly and pressed another kiss before putting on her seat belt. Fiona started her car and pulled out of the drive way.
“I think it’s fair that I tell you that I spoke to your mom last night so that she wouldn’t worry.”
Fiona looked at her and threw her a smile, “Thanks Lex. I was scared that she was going out of her mind with worry since I left my phone in the car.”
Alex just threaded their fingers together and stayed quiet.
The drive to school was quiet and peaceful. They reached with plenty of time to spare. Fiona had leaned back in her seat and sighed.
“You alright there Fi?”
Fiona smiled softly at her, “Thank you for letting me stay with you last night. I just really needed to get away from it all.”
Alex leaned across her seat and kissed her, “No problem Fi. You have to know you’re always welcomed. There will always be a place for you at my house. Even if we’re not together forever.”
Fiona looked at her in shock, “Bite your tongue.”
Alex grinned and pressed their lips together again before opening her door, “Come on we gotta get to class.”
Fiona sighed and got out of the car, “I have no bag.”
Alex shrugged and threw an arm around her shoulders. Fiona locked her car and threw her keys into her purse, “You’re just going to lose them when you need them and besides we usually share books and stuff.”
Fiona just shook her head and let herself be lead into the school. Alex led them, to her locker talking about the different types of tea she had at home that they could try out later.
Fiona just nodded in all of the right places and pulled out the books for her first class. It wasn’t that she wasn’t interested, well it was. She really didn’t like tea, she drank it whenever she wanted to sleep and it wasn’t like if Alex didn’t shut her up every time she started talking about the new Italian roast coffee Betsy had found.
“And you really aren’t paying attention to a word I’m saying right now aren’t you?”
Fiona looked over at her guiltily and lifted on her toes to press a kiss on her lips, “Why don’t we worry about this later?”
Alex laughed and pushed off the lockers, “I got ‘cheerleading’ practice, right now so I’ll be missing our first two periods.”
She stalked over to her and pressed their lips together once again before smirking and dropping her bag on the floor and leaving.
Fiona watched her leave before grinning to herself and picking the bag up from the floor. She closed her locker door and turned around to head to her first class.
~*~*~*~
The rest of the day was relatively calm. She didn’t see Esmeralda anywhere but Madison was looking very smug with herself which told Fiona that she was playing Galinda.
Fiona tried not to squirm at that. She had gotten the part of Elpheba fair and square.
She was on her way to her third class when her phone rang.
She pulled it out of her pocket realizing now that she had not checked it all of last night and this morning. She had a couple of missed calls and some text messages, but the person that had been calling her just now was had been her dad.
She placed her phone into her pocket and turned around. She was suddenly grabbed by someone and pulled into the janitor’s closet. She smiled as Alex pressed their lips together.
“So can we make out now?” Alex whispered. “I’ve been wanting to for hours.”
Fiona smirked against her mouth, “I don’t think I should let you.”
Alex just tugged her head back and licked into her open mouth literally sticking her tongue down her throat. Fiona just wrapped her arms around her neck and pulled her closer sucking on her tongue. She really didn’t see the point in playing hard to get sometimes. But other times she wanted to see what Alex would do if she refused her.
Her phone started to vibrate again. Alex pulled away and groped her unnecessarily in search for it.
She made a triumphant noise when she finally found it and pressed her mouth to her neck before opening it and answering it for her. Fiona leaned forward and pressed her mouth to Alex’s neck dragging her lips upward and sucking on her chin.
“Hello?”
Fiona nuzzled into her neck and left little nips against her throat, “This is Alex.”
She wrapped her arms tighter around Alex’s neck attempting to get closer when Alex pulled back, “Hello Mr. Emerson.”
Fiona turned around and tried to leave, but Alex trapped her against the door and pressed her finger to her mouth, “I’m sorry Mr. Emerson but I don’t think that Fiona wants to talk to you right now.”
Fiona closed her eyes and tried to pretend that she couldn’t hear what Alex was saying or the little voice that belonged to her dad sounding so small coming from the other end of the phone. She couldn’t understand what he was saying but it made her heart ache to hear his voice.
“I understand that Mr. Emerson, but what you did was kind of messed up too. I mean if you really cared about your daughter you would’ve told her what was going on instead of lying about it for so many years.”
Fiona resisted the urge to smile at her, “No I am most definitely judging you. Oh. Well I strive to not lie to her at any time. Well I’m pretty sure that if people lied less we would have no problems. I won’t lie to you either. So yea I am very much so tapping your daughter’s ass. It’s a fine ass I must say.”
Fiona gaped at her, “Alex!”
Alex just smiled at her and hooked her finger into her mouth, “I am completely positive that that was not at all inappropriate. Not as inappropriate as hitting your daughter across the face so hard she still has the mark.”
Alex fingers trailed down her cheek and Fiona closed her eyes because she had seen the mark this morning and had attempted to cover it but it had turned out to be useless.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t think we’re both prepared to hear your apology, good bye.” She hung up the phone on him and pressed her mouth on Fiona.
Fiona pulled away, “Why did you do that?”
“To protect you,” Alex said simply. “To defend you. Because you deserve someone to stand up for you.”
Fiona smiled and pressed their mouths together, “Thanks.”
The bell ran loudly and Fiona groaned, “Ugh. We should go to school.”
Alex shrugged, “Sure if you want to. I know I much rather prefer to spread you apart right here.”
She demonstrated by pulling her knees apart. Fiona just gasped and held on to Alex, “Not in school.”
Alex laughed and picked her off her feet and opened the door.
Fiona wrapped her legs around Alex’s waist and let herself be carried her to class.
~*~*~*~
Later on they were sitting down at the auditorium. Alex was leaning back against the wall and she was sitting down in between her legs. It was lunch time and Fiona was watching the school’s glee club perform.
She was smiling and moving along to the music and Alex was just watching her with a smile on her face.
“Wanna join the glee club too?”
Fiona shook her head, “No way. That’s like for real performers. I just dabble.”
Alex hugged her pulling her back into her space, “You do realize that you are going to be in like a musical. Acting, singing and dancing? It’s all about real performers.”
Fiona smiled, “I know. I don’t think I would’ve been able to do it if it was all the time. This is just one play.”
She gave Alex a kiss then stood up, “I have to go pee.”
She jumped off the stage and ran to the backstage where she knew the bathroom was. She was humming along to the song the kids were performing.
She walked out of the bathroom dancing to the beat and heard the screaming. She ran over there and looked up to see Alex yelling at her dad. She jumped up on the stage and stood in between them.
“What is going on here?”
Alex just crossed her arms and refused to talk.
She looked over at her dad who sighed, “I just want to talk to you.”
“About what? You said everything you needed to say last night. I don’t need to hear anything else,” she turned around grabbing Alex’s hand to leave.
“I have three weeks left.”
Fiona stopped walking. She felt like if the whole world had just stopped.
“What?”
Her dad stepped forward and gripped her hands, “Three weeks. I went to the best doctors because I wanted to be sure of how much time I had. I needed to know.”
Fiona closed her eyes shaking her head, “You waited all of this time to come and see me just to tell me that you also were cheating on my mom and then tell me that you have three weeks left to live?”
Her dad stepped forward, “When you put it that way it sounds bad.”
“Bad?” Fiona asked. “Bad?!? It sounds horrible. It sounds like if you waited until it got bad enough to tell me so that I would have no choice but to forgive you.”
“Fiona,” he began but Fiona cut him off.
“No,” she began. “I can’t do this right now. I need time.”
“Time I don’t have,” he practically yelled.
Fiona pulled back like if she had been slapped. She shook her head at him, “Whose fault is that?”
She turned around and jumped off the stage once again ignoring her dad.
Alex caught up with her once she reached her car. She didn’t attempt to hug her. She just took the keys from Fiona’s hand and pushed her toward the passenger seat while getting into the driver side.
Fiona leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. She sighed and shook her head once she felt the car start moving.
“It’s not fair you know,” she whispered. “Not fair of him to do this to me.”
Fiona opened her eyes and looked over at Alex who was gripping the steering wheel a little too hard.
“He should’ve told me sooner. They both should have. I need time to think about this. Time to forgive him and move on so that we can go back to how we were. I can’t do that if he’s dying Lexi. If he’s dying, there is nothing that I can do.”
Alex sighed, “I’m not going to tell you what to do, because it is obvious that he waited until now to tell you so that he could die with a clean conscious, but he is your father Fi. And no matter how much you might hate him now, you will regret it if you don’t forgive him.”
Fiona nodded her head closing her eyes against the tears springing to her eyes, “I know. And I don’t want to hate him. I don’t think I do hate him. I just hate the way he went about doing this. He really should’ve just told me sooner. Tried to contact me sooner not wait until the last minute.”
Alex just grabbed her hand and pressed a kiss on her knuckles, “The way it looks you are caught between a rock and a hard place.”
Fiona just sighed nodding and closed her eyes again.
“It is sort of unfair on you to make this decision by yourself though,” Alex began.
“What are you suggesting Lexi,” Fiona asked half asleep. And it really was getting ridiculous now that all she seemed to be doing since this weekend has been sleep and cry. She was getting tired of it.
“I’m suggesting that you talk with your mom,” she said as if it was the simplest thing in the world which it was not but still seemed that way.
“It’s not that easy Lex,” Fiona began but Alex just pressed a finger against her mouth.
“It’s pretty easy Fi,” she says looking at her briefly before turning her eyes back to the road. “You can’t go avoiding your mom forever love. It’s not possible. You’ll have to go home eventually. “
Fiona just shook her head again and laid her head back against her seat, “Just go to sleep Fi.”
Fiona nodded this time and closed her eyes relaxing and trying to forget about everything.
~*~*~*~
When Fiona opened her eyes again, she was in her room. She groaned and attempted to curse at Alex. But the girl was lying down on the other side of the bed. Fiona got up quietly and slipped out of the bed. She padded out of the room and headed to the kitchen. She was almost there when she heard her mom say, “Well then maybe you shouldn’t have told her.”
“I shouldn’t have told her?” that was her dad’s voice. She began to make her way out when the next words he said made her stop. “You would’ve ended up telling her yourself and would’ve made it sound much worse than it is.”
“Like if you didn’t do that all by yourself,” her mother snapped and Fiona gave her a point. “And anyway I wasn’t planning on telling her anything. I was going to keep quiet. You think that if that was what I wanted when I told you to tell her yourself you have another thing coming. If all I wanted was for her to hate you I would’ve told her all about it the moment she told me that she hated me. But I didn’t because I saw it then like I saw it now that you were the only thing keeping her holding on. The only thing keeping her from falling into a world of drugs and sex and violence and keeping her concentrated on her art and I was okay with that.”
“Molly,” her father began and Fiona hit her head against the wall.
“No, don’t Molly me.”
Her mom’s voice sounded deathly, “I saw what it did to her and I was powerless to stop it. I asked you to come home and talk to her when she started to become withdrawn and started to come home with bruises. You remember? She was fourteen and in an abusive relationship with a girl three years older than her. And I asked you to come talk to her to let her know that she didn’t need to be around her to feel loved that you loved her, but you didn’t you stayed with your perfect little family. I bet you haven’t told her that that family you left her for, those girls are actually your daughters. Your older daughters. I bet you haven’t told her that you cheated first. You still want to maintain the image that you were right and that’s dead now. You have to give her time.”
“I don’t have that kind of time. I have to be in the hospital in two days.”
“What do you want from her? She’s just a teenage girl she’s not going to be rational about this.”
Fiona sobbed and the sound must’ve carried into the kitchen because there was a sudden silence, “Fiona?”
She looked up to see her mom watching her.
“Oh honey,” she moved forward to hug her but Fiona jumped back.
“I really can’t do this right now,” she whispered. “I have to go.”
She turned around and headed calmly to her room. She heard her mom screaming and her dad yelling and she felt all of seven years old again when her dad left.
She pulled on her shoes and looked at Alex who was still sleeping peacefully on her bed. She sighed and grabbed her purse.
She walked to the living room where Bobby and Kate where not doing their homework but looking a little lost. She smiled softly at them, “Want to go get some ice cream?”
They both looked at her a bit sadly and nodded. She held out her hands for them and pulled out her phone. She sent Alex a message telling her where she was going and took the kids outside. She strapped them into her car and slipped into the driver’s seat in the exact second that Alex walked out of the apartment and slipped into the passenger side.
She smiled at the kids and pressed a kiss on Fiona’s hand, “So ice cream?”
Fiona grinned at her and she knew that Alex knew that that meant that she was ridiculously glad that Alex wasn’t questioning her about anything, that Alex wasn’t commenting on the fact that her parents were arguing in the kitchen about her and whose fault it was that she was now depressed and whose fault it was that she had to deal with the Miranda thing alone. She closed her eyes for a second before squeezing Alex’s fingers and starting the car.
Alex tangled their fingers together and let her drive in silence.
She put on the music settling on a station that played eighties music and smiled at the way her siblings sang along to most of the songs.
She grinned when ‘Eye of the Tiger’ came on and began singing out loud with them. Alex joined them at the chorus and soon enough she was cranking up the music and singing loudly with the windows pulled down and laughing.
When the song had finished Alex had looked at her grinning and leaned over pressing a kiss on her cheek, “I miss your smile.”
Fiona blushed looking away and drove to the ice cream store.
~*~*~*~
When they had reached home, her dad was nowhere to be found and her mom was at work. She had gotten a call from Mrs. Hudson and had apologized for not being there for the meeting. She told her that she had some family issues going on, but that she promised that she would be there for the next meeting. There were some petty promises with cherries on top and some swearing on her mother’s early grave.
She sent the kids upstairs to do homework and went into the kitchen expecting to find a disaster zone, but there was none. She remembered being seven and the fire being stuck in the fire.
“She had burnt all of his paintings,” Fiona whispered. “They yelled at each other and then he stormed out with his bag and she had set his room on fire. Set all of the painting aflame squirting turpentine and making the blaze really big, completely ignoring the fact that I always went in there when they were arguing. She saved me once she realized it, but it was never the same. I blamed her for a lot of things after that.”
Alex wrapped her arms around her and let her lean on her.
“You know any other person would’ve left once they figured out exactly how messed up I am,” she commented letting Alex rock her back and forth.
Alex chuckled into her cheek, “Well I’m not any other person. I am Alex and I don’t believe in giving up once I get what I want. And I wanted you from the second I saw you. Once I got you, I will not let you go.”
Fiona smiled and put her hands against her cheeks, “You’re still too corny to be believable.”
“Ah you love it,” Alex replied grinning.
Fiona smiled, “Maybe.”
She pulled away and began making dinner.
They spent the rest of the day talking mindlessly about nothing and teaching Bobby and Kate how to waltz. Then Fiona pulled out her music player and plugged it into the TV and set around to dancing and acting to ‘Defying Gravity.’
By the time she had put the kids to bed, they were singing along to the song with her.
Alex was on the couch watching some random channel on TV. Fiona walked over turning off the lights and nearly threw herself on the couch.
Alex immediately pulled her closer. She settled on her lap threading their fingers together and sighed, “It’s been a long day.”
Alex nodded setting her other hand on her head and began carding her fingers through her hair.
“My mom gave me the okay to spend the night here as long as we don’t have sex,” she sounded half amused.
Fiona groaned, “Why is it that people always assumed that we are always having sex whenever we sleep together?”
“Because it is blatantly obvious that we always want to have sex?” Alex said making it sound like a question and Fiona slapped her thigh half heartedly.
“We do not always want to have sex,” she yawned and snuggled down into her lap. “It’s another stereotype. People figure since we can’t get each other pregnant then obviously we’d be having more sex.”
“Or maybe it’s because they figure since we’re teenagers and teenagers are emotional balls of hormones that we are just always horny and wanting to go at it.”
Fiona grinned at that and sat up moving to straddle Alex’s lap, “Are you horny right now Alex?”
Alex grinned and it made her stomach flip and her smiled softened because it was still insane that her smile could still do that to her, “Wanna go make out in your room?”
Fiona grinned and leaned forward pressing her mouth right up against Alex’s ear and panted hotly moving her hips, “Want to try out my new vibrating dildo?”
Instead of answering Alex pushed her back and stood up before grabbing her and throwing her over her shoulder in the fireman’s carry and walking away.
Fiona laughed all the way to her room not stopping until Alex had thrown her on the bed and locked the door behind her. She walked back over and loomed over her.
Fiona smiled softly at her and grabbed at the shirt she was wearing and tugged her down on top of her.
Alex went along willingly and pressed their mouths together softly and slowly and chastely. Fiona felt her eyes roll to the back of her head and shiver, “Lexi.”
She could feel Alex shivering too. The girl pulled away and just looked at her and Fiona wondered what she saw when she looked at her. Wondered why she looked at her like if she hung the moon and the stars. Wondered why she looked at her like if she was the greatest thing to happen to her.
Alex leaned down to press their mouths together again this time a bit messier a bit wetter a bit hotter. Fiona groaned and wondered what was different about this moment. Why it felt different.
“Lexi,” she whispered once she had pulled back. Their breathing was ragged and the only sound that was littering the air.
Fiona lifted her hands and ran it through Alex’s short hair and realized that what felt different was that she was ready now. She smiled and gently pushed her back. Alex leaned on her haunches and looked at her in confusion as she slipped out of bed and padded over to her dresser. Fiona pulled out a box and some lube because she was scared and it might be hard for her to get wet and turned around.
She smiled at Alex and the girl watched her in confusion.
“Alex,” she said whispering and putting the objects down on the bed.
Alex smiled and slipped her hands up into Fiona’s shirt patting her stomach. Fiona’s eyes rolled to the back of her bed and she whispered again, “Alex.”
The girl looked up at her and smiled, “Yes?”
Fiona swallowed nervously, “Lexi. I want you to…I need you to…”
She swallowed again looking away and looking back to Alex. Alex just patiently patted her stomach then wrapped her arms around her waist and tugged her into her lap making the girl straddle her, “What do you want Fiona?”
Fiona looked at her and saw that by the way her pupils were blown wide that Alex already knew what she wanted she just wanted her to say it.
“Alex,” she said lowly and throatily. “Fuck me.”
Alex groaned closing her eyes and thrusting her hips up pulled her down for a rough kiss. Fiona groaned and wrapped her arms around her shoulders and let her pull them back. She let Alex pull her shirt off and twist them around so that she was lying under her and then let her gently and slowly pull off the rest of her clothes.
Fiona always felt like if she was flying whenever Alex touched her skin. It was even better whenever there was skin to skin contact and Alex always made it better, always made her feel as clichéd as it sounded, like if she was still a virgin.
Alex treated her like glass, she felt safe.
She was still scared when it happened. She still expected it to be rough, but Alex proved her wrong proved her different and she gasped and squirmed and pulled her closer, deeper and more, more, more, more, more.
They both ended up tangled up against each other naked skin pressed tight, heart beats almost in sync and Fiona thought just before she fell asleep that this is what being in love feels like.
~*~*~*~
She got the call early the next morning.
She was still tangled up in Alex. She had smiled and felt pleasantly achy and couldn’t resist the urge to press their mouths together. Alex had responded in kind. She pressed their mouths and slipped fingers and Fiona gasped into her mouth turning fully around so that she could fully take advantage of her.
It was lazy early morning sex and Fiona wondered if this was how it would always feel like.
After Fiona had gotten up and was sipping on her coffee her phone rang. She picked it up with a ridiculous smile on her face and answered it cheerfully expecting it to be Mrs. Hudson with some surprise early morning meeting, but it wasn’t.
Fiona wasn’t aware that she had let the coffee cup go and that it had fallen to the floor until she felt the hot liquid hitting her legs, but even then she didn’t pay attention.
“What?” she asked because she had to have heard wrong. She had to have misheard this woman telling her that her dad was in the hospital and that it was bad and that they think he wouldn’t last the day and that he was asking for her, because it was not possible. He was good and yelling at her and at her mom this morning and it just wasn’t possible.
She had not even fully hung up on the person before she was scrambling around her room looking for clothes.
She had pulled on a pair of sweats and a skirt and Alex’s shirt and was wearing two different pairs of shoes when Alex grabbed her already fully dressed and asked her what was going on.
She was pretty sure that Alex did not understand one word she had just said.
“Your dad is in the hospital?”
Fiona just nodded still not believing it. Alex just grabbed her hand and tugged her behind her and started talking into her phone and Fiona felt lost and confused and she just let herself be pushed into the passenger seat of her car and tried to not hyperventilate or die on the way to the hospital because that would just be very, very bad and maybe she was already hyperventilating because she was breathing fast and the world was becoming fuzzy all around.
“Fiona! Breathe!”
She tried to follow the instructions and breathe, because breathing was good and when she was breathing she could go yell at her dad for leaving her when she needed him for not coming when she needed him and for leaving her now before she could forgive him because dammit she needed to forgive him. He needed to know that she loved him.
Alex just got into the car once she was a bit more stable and began driving them to the hospital while talking to someone on the phone. Fiona thinks it’s maybe Mr. Tony but then at the same time it could be her mom or the school board and dammit Mrs. Hudson was probably going to kick her off of the play and it was no fair she really did want to play Elpheba.
“And you’ll still play her,” Alex said. “We just have to tell Mrs. Hudson what’s happening.”
So she was talking out loud.
Fiona leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes seeing behind her eyelids all of the memories she shared with her dad and really the good did outweigh the bad.
When they got to the hospital, all they were able to do was wait.
Fiona sat down next to Alex their fingers threaded together and felt that she was being watched by the three women sitting across from her.
Their names were Rachel Emerson and her daughters Tammy and Jenny Emerson. They were Fiona’s half mother and older half sisters.
They introduced themselves but Fiona felt uncomfortable. She didn’t need another reason to be mad at her dad.
When her mom appeared looking as if she had went through war to get there and hugged her Fiona finally felt calm.
After making sure that her mom had left the kids with Betsy she sighed and leaning against Alex pulled her mom to sit with them.
They waited in silence for a couple of hours until the doctor came out.
They all immediately stood up and flocked him. Poor guy looked a bit overwhelmed, “He is stabilized but can’t really see visitors know though he is asking for Fiona.”
Fiona gulped and stepped forward. The doctor smiled softly at her, “You can stay with him for maybe ten minutes, but no upsetting him or anything ok?”
Fiona nodded and after giving Alex’s hand one last squeeze made her way to the room.
The first thing she noticed was the heart monitor. The soft rhythmic beeping was in sync with her heart so she smiled. Then she looked at her dad and wondered how it was possible for someone to change so much in the course of one day.
He had his eyes closed and looked like he was in much pain.
“Dad,” she whispered stepping closer just in case he was asleep.
But he wasn’t his eyes opened and he looked at Fiona with such a look it made her heart ache.
“Fiona,” he whispered his voice raspy and rough. She stepped forward and grabbing the water from the side table put the straw between her fingers and dripped the droplets over his chapped lips.
He smiled in thanks and lifted his hand up. She grabbed his hand and resisted the urge to cry.
“I never wanted to force your forgiveness,” he began talking and then began coughing and Fiona saw him turn away to cough into the napkin. She saw the specks of blood. Fiona had read up on all of the medical journals she could find that talked about lung cancer and she knew this was the last stage.
She sniffed and was shocked that when she lifted her hands to her face she was crying, “Daddy don’t. I’m sorry for everything I’ve said. I didn’t mean it. I was just upset. Daddy please don’t die.”
Her dad turned to her and lifted his hand to cup her cheek and Fiona sniffled wishing she was younger and could crawl into his lap and curl there and sleep away her troubles.
He shushed her, “Honey I don’t blame you got anything that you said. And I’m sorry I waited so long to reenter your life.”
She shook her head wanting to tell him that it was ok, “It’s not ok.”
She just cried harder, “But I promise you that it will be ok. Maybe not now but soon enough it will be. You are strong my Fiona. The strongest person that I know and I know that you will overcome this.”
Fiona just shook her head and cried harder and she had thought that she was cried out.
She just leaned her head against the bed and he patted her head, “Don’t cry for me, Fiona. All I want it for you to be happy and for you to know that I am proud of the person you have become.”
Fiona nodded and kissed her father’s knuckles.
The doctor came and got her smiling sadly at her tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes.
She walked over to her mom and Alex and wrapped her arms around her mom first and then Alex who held her until the doctor said that he should be stable for several more days but that he wasn’t leaving the hospital.
Fiona’s mom convinced her to go home and rest for a bit that she had already called her out of school.
Before leaving however both Tammy and Jenny had stopped her and given her their phone numbers, “Just in case you want to stay in touch or get to know us.”
She nodded and had slipped the numbers into her back pocket grabbing Alex’s hand and heading out of the hospital.
Betsy had taken one look at her and then had given her a hug. Then had made her some soup and had sent both her and Alex to her room to eat it. Alex had fed her like if she was a baby and then had tucked her into bed and had handed her Mr. Marc Edward Jacobson. Fiona had just smiled weakly at all of the attention and had tried to ignore it with sleep.
~*~*~*~
The next couple of weeks were pretty hectic.
Fiona talked to Mrs. Hudson and by mutual understanding and a few meaningful hugs and threats of bodily harm if she didn’t keep her informed on her dad’s condition-apparently they went to high school together-she agreed to let her go. Fiona liked to perform onstage but she really needed to be with her family.
Her mom started working overtime and when she wasn’t taking care of the kids she was in the hospital having lunch with her dad and telling him about her life or having dinner dates with the twins Tammy and Jenny who seemed very nice but they were always kind of awkward or she was spending time with Alex which seemed to involve more sleeping than anything now a days or she was in school and midterms were looming in the horizon and it was pretty scary.
She wasn’t concentrating very well at all.
At the moment she was sitting on the edge of her father’s bed picking at the hospital food and smiled a bit at the fact that Alex had sat her down last night and force fed her dinner because she hadn’t eaten all day. There were days that she didn’t really eat until Alex or someone reminded her.
“You okay there?” she looked up at her dad who gave her a half smile.
She cleared her throat, “Yeah I’m fine dad just thinking.”
“What about?”
Fiona pushed her plate away and tucked her feet on the bed setting her chin on her knees and wrapping her arms around her calves, “I got the scholarship.”
Her dad’s eyes widened, “The Manhattan one?”
She nodded smiling lightly, “The same one you got but gave away. I want to go dad.”
He smiled nodding, “It sounds like it is an amazing opportunity and I wouldn’t want you to give it up for the world.”
“Dad,” she whispered. “I also got into UCLA on an academic scholarship. They want to transfer me out of school in the next semester and put me in a dual program over there.”
He just looked at her for a moment, “Have you told your mother this?”
She shook her head, “She’s been busy.”
He sighed leaning back, “What about Alex?”
Fiona shook her head again, “No I haven’t told her either.”
“Why?”
Fiona shook her head, “It’s complicated. She’s going to NYU. And I don’t want to be influenced in my decision, but it keeps sounding like a really good idea to go wherever she goes, but I also want to make this decision on my own. New York is incredible. It’s like everything I expected it to be, but California is also beautiful and either way I’ll still continue with my art. I just don’t know how to make this decision.”
Her dad sighed and settled down in his bed, “I’m not the right person to talk about this with. I made some bad decisions Fiona so I’m not exactly the right person to talk about this with. Maybe a counselor or maybe someone who actually went to college.”
Fiona shook her head grinning, “Don’t worry too much about it. I’ll make a decision sooner or later.”
She got off the bed and clapped her hands together, “Anyway, it’s time for me to get home and cook. So love you dad I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She pressed a kiss on his forehead and grabbed her bag and headed out. She smiled at Tammy and Jenny who were going to go in and flipped open her phone dialing Alex.
The girl picked up after the third ring sounding out of breath. Fiona smiled, “How’s practice?”
She could practically hear the groan over the phone, “Coach is trying to kill us I swear. We’re doing a competition or something for New Year’s and it’s all crazy. Can I quit now?”
Fiona just chuckled, “Maybe. You’ll have to talk to your mom.”
She got into her car and put the phone on speaker and set it right on her cup holder. She turned on the car and left the hospital parking lot talking to Alex all the way home.
A week before Christmas she surprised the kids and her mom by decorating the entire house with Betsy and Alex’s help. She had left the Christmas tree so they could do it together and Alex had helped Bobby put the star up at the top. After when Betsy had left and her mom had slept, Fiona had taught the kids how to make rice crispy treats. They ate them while they were still warm with some of Alex’s awesome hot chocolate and watched reruns of SpongeBob on TV.
Christmas Eve found her camping out in front of the Christmas tree with Alex and the kids. Then sneaking after they had fallen asleep and getting all of the presents she, Betsy, Alex, her dad, Tammy and Jenny and even Alex’s mom and Mrs. Hudson had gotten for them.
She smiled at the reaction the kids got when they saw the pile of presents the next morning.
Christmas Day was spent in the hospital with her dad. She had decorated the whole room and they had brought a Christmas feast and had just spent the day eating and joking and talking.
That night she slept with her mom in her room with the kids in between them and cried wanting things to have always been this way.
She got the call late on the 30th. She and Alex were decorating Alex’s mom’s ball room for the New Year’s party she was having the next day. It was sort of late and they were mostly just goofing off and dancing around to Christmas music. When the song ‘Baby, its cold outside’ came on Alex had stopped everything they were doing and had begun to waltz them around singing along to the song.
Her phone rang right in the middle of the song and she picked it up immediately. Alex just took one look at her face and grabbed the keys and her hand and headed to the hospital almost immediately.
She sat right by her father as the life was leaving his eyes. He kept their eyes locked together, his cloudy hers clear and was breathing rather harshly like if there was liquid in his lungs because there probably was liquid in his lungs. Fiona didn’t cry. She felt like if she was already cried out. She just held her father’s hand until the last shuddering wet breath left his body and he slumped down.
Fiona let go then and turned around. Everyone else in the room was in tears. Fiona had just grabbed Alex’s hand and had let her mom hug her once before pulling away and wiping at the tears running down her mom’s face. She smiled at Alex weakly and took the bear from her hands. Alex just took her hand and they made their way over to the exit of the hospital.
She stopped right at the door and looked over at Alex smiling sadly, “I think I need to be alone.”
Alex just smiled like if she knew exactly what was going on. She hugged her and gave her a light kiss, “Just get back safe.”
Fiona smiled, “I’ll see you at home later?”
Alex nodded her head and wrapped her arms around herself leaning back against the door and not taking her eyes of off her as she walked away. Fiona walked backwards and waved and then got into her car and strapped the bear into the passenger seat, “Well Mr. Marc Edward Jacobson, where should we go?”
She found herself on the beach just sitting and looking at the way that sun set into the moon and then how the moon became the sun once again and all she did was think and attempted not to cry. She mostly succeeded.
She slipped off the hood of the car once before leaving and walked over to the shore. She squatted right at the edge of the shore and let the water wet her shoes and her pants and ran her fingers through it smiling lightly as she remembered the first time she was here.
It was with her dad and she was five. She had begged him to stop and he did. They ran along the sea shore with her mother chasing after them. She had fallen down and had gotten soaked. She had cried because she had wet the pretty dress her mother had bought her and it had made her sad. Her mom had just lifted her into her arms and pressed a kiss against her forehead saying that they could always wash it.
She never wore that dress again, but she remembered how happy they had been.
She stood up leaving the shore and walked back to the car sitting back on the hood and watching the sun rise welcoming the New Year.
El Fin.