Improvement?
Things are starting to get better I think.
Now, If only I could go to bed at a reasonable hour (see: before now)... but, that has come and gone. Still, I really ought to remove the clean laundry from off my bed - hang it up perhaps? and crawl in to it. (The bed, not the laundry.)
Today I received my order from veganessentials.com. I ordered various vitamin/mineral delights as well as organic St. John's wort for my depressedness.
Happily, my t-shirts form American Apparel also arrived.
Sadly, I bought cigarettes today, spent too much at dinner, and drank hard alcohol (fuzzy navel) for the first time since December.
At the same time, I don't necessarily regret these things, as it was my last supper in many respects. From this point further, my social life will involve very little lest we be study buddies over coffee and silence;
Lest we be commiserating about our studies, the weather, or other equally miserable things that love company;
Or, unless there is some sweet grass involved and it so happens to be the weekend.
This last condition is hardly social as SWIM's experience being baked is usually very quiet and feely - involving music and/or art.
Hm...
I did a bit of stretching on my yoga mat today and that felt quite nice. I am craving physical activity and movement like nobody's business. I want to dance and create energy and fluid motion with my body. I am highly kinesthetic by nature, but I sorely neglect this aspect of self in favor of intellectual or other stationary activities. Not to mention my overall sloth and torpor. :-(
My goal is to get into a solid routine. Fitness and motion must become a component thereof. My schedule must be rigid and it must be enforced! No wiggle room until I get disciplined and gain some academic self-control and footing. If I am going to stay in school this semester, I must prioritize. Friends and VEG will undoubtedly get the shaft. Work, also, may potentially be offed for the time being. I must be rigorous and create the most conducive environment possible for myself to attain my studious goals! Cigarettes and coffee will be steadfast companions. Sleep, nutritious eats + daily vitamins, and exercise will take precedence over social outings, social home things, social coffee, or social toking.
IFF (if and only if) I meet these standards / stipulations for self, then may I indulge in all the wonderful things around town that I want to experience (e.g., exhibits, jazz,.....)
Gawd. I honestly would love nothing more than to just run VEG, immerse myself in Thai in every facet, and independently study Proust (whom I have neglected for months now).
Digression:
If you, friend, are looking for a brilliant and remarkable read, I highly recommend Helen DeWitt's The Last Samurai. Delightfully, it is completely unaffiliated with hollywood, or Tom Cruise, contrary to what one might assume based on the title. (An adage comes to mind, "never judge a book...")
OK, for now - there is preparing for bed and sleep.
I have coffee to look forward to in the am, hanging up my laundry then, doing my Thai homework and hustling off to class.
Let's hope I can roll out of bed before 9am as I like to take my time and require 2 hours to get my ass out of the house.
C'est la vie.... Damn, if only I could conclude with "Laissez les bon temps rouler," but that would be... a lie.
Thus concludes a slightly less dis-spirited entry.
Now, If only I could go to bed at a reasonable hour (see: before now)... but, that has come and gone. Still, I really ought to remove the clean laundry from off my bed - hang it up perhaps? and crawl in to it. (The bed, not the laundry.)
Today I received my order from veganessentials.com. I ordered various vitamin/mineral delights as well as organic St. John's wort for my depressedness.
Happily, my t-shirts form American Apparel also arrived.
Sadly, I bought cigarettes today, spent too much at dinner, and drank hard alcohol (fuzzy navel) for the first time since December.
At the same time, I don't necessarily regret these things, as it was my last supper in many respects. From this point further, my social life will involve very little lest we be study buddies over coffee and silence;
Lest we be commiserating about our studies, the weather, or other equally miserable things that love company;
Or, unless there is some sweet grass involved and it so happens to be the weekend.
This last condition is hardly social as SWIM's experience being baked is usually very quiet and feely - involving music and/or art.
Hm...
I did a bit of stretching on my yoga mat today and that felt quite nice. I am craving physical activity and movement like nobody's business. I want to dance and create energy and fluid motion with my body. I am highly kinesthetic by nature, but I sorely neglect this aspect of self in favor of intellectual or other stationary activities. Not to mention my overall sloth and torpor. :-(
My goal is to get into a solid routine. Fitness and motion must become a component thereof. My schedule must be rigid and it must be enforced! No wiggle room until I get disciplined and gain some academic self-control and footing. If I am going to stay in school this semester, I must prioritize. Friends and VEG will undoubtedly get the shaft. Work, also, may potentially be offed for the time being. I must be rigorous and create the most conducive environment possible for myself to attain my studious goals! Cigarettes and coffee will be steadfast companions. Sleep, nutritious eats + daily vitamins, and exercise will take precedence over social outings, social home things, social coffee, or social toking.
IFF (if and only if) I meet these standards / stipulations for self, then may I indulge in all the wonderful things around town that I want to experience (e.g., exhibits, jazz,.....)
Gawd. I honestly would love nothing more than to just run VEG, immerse myself in Thai in every facet, and independently study Proust (whom I have neglected for months now).
Digression:
If you, friend, are looking for a brilliant and remarkable read, I highly recommend Helen DeWitt's The Last Samurai. Delightfully, it is completely unaffiliated with hollywood, or Tom Cruise, contrary to what one might assume based on the title. (An adage comes to mind, "never judge a book...")
OK, for now - there is preparing for bed and sleep.
I have coffee to look forward to in the am, hanging up my laundry then, doing my Thai homework and hustling off to class.
Let's hope I can roll out of bed before 9am as I like to take my time and require 2 hours to get my ass out of the house.
C'est la vie.... Damn, if only I could conclude with "Laissez les bon temps rouler," but that would be... a lie.
Thus concludes a slightly less dis-spirited entry.