Seasons
And so seasons change. Birth, growth, death rebirth.
And the cold makes me sick. Literally. First cold morning I wake up sick. I usually don't get sick. Yet it seems there's always been something wrong with my lately. Need to fix that.
I grown to despise the fall/winter. I'm a spring/summer person. And it has nothing to do with the weather. At least I don't think.
Things just seem to always get tough around this time. Work...school...my mind...relationships.
And I'm in the middle of it again. How will it pan out this time? As I sit dead center of these crossroads I can't help but wonder that maybe I asked for all of this. Things don't always happen when you want them to. Then WHAM and its all up in your face. Starting you down.
Your move.
Its hard dealing with emotions when you feel emotionally shaken. When you feel physically shaken. And sick. Conversations that would make anyone head hurt are a lot worse when you already feel like your head is in the clouds. A fog of congestion and a sore throat. Maybe a fever.
How are you supposed to make decisions when you're not centered. Yet amidst of it all I feel strangely placid. Somewhat centered. Somehow able to see everything shaking around me while I sit quietly still deciding when I have to move and get sucked into the whirlpool.
What will this season bring? A tidal wave. Change is around the corner. I always feel like I get through change kicking and screaming. I'm tired of that. I want to float swiftly down the river. Not saying its going to be easy, but at least I can see the end and move confidently down the path.
Now I just have to ask myself. What do I really want? Should I stake this out for a while longer...knowing that eventually it may go downhill. Or should I jump abroad now. I knew I was going to jump eventually. Its alot easier thinking about it than doing it. My mind had it all planned out, but it turns out my heart wasn't as ready to let go. Then there's the possibility it can all work out to an extent far greater than I can imagine. Though I find this doubtful.
Crap.
I hate having to be patient. And I hate myself for feeling somewhat excited that this is happening. Yet my heart hasn't yet decided to fully present itself. I don't know which extreme would disappoint me more. And knowing that whatever comes out of this...I can't but feel like I failed.
I pray this season will be good to me.
And the cold makes me sick. Literally. First cold morning I wake up sick. I usually don't get sick. Yet it seems there's always been something wrong with my lately. Need to fix that.
I grown to despise the fall/winter. I'm a spring/summer person. And it has nothing to do with the weather. At least I don't think.
Things just seem to always get tough around this time. Work...school...my mind...relationships.
And I'm in the middle of it again. How will it pan out this time? As I sit dead center of these crossroads I can't help but wonder that maybe I asked for all of this. Things don't always happen when you want them to. Then WHAM and its all up in your face. Starting you down.
Your move.
Its hard dealing with emotions when you feel emotionally shaken. When you feel physically shaken. And sick. Conversations that would make anyone head hurt are a lot worse when you already feel like your head is in the clouds. A fog of congestion and a sore throat. Maybe a fever.
How are you supposed to make decisions when you're not centered. Yet amidst of it all I feel strangely placid. Somewhat centered. Somehow able to see everything shaking around me while I sit quietly still deciding when I have to move and get sucked into the whirlpool.
What will this season bring? A tidal wave. Change is around the corner. I always feel like I get through change kicking and screaming. I'm tired of that. I want to float swiftly down the river. Not saying its going to be easy, but at least I can see the end and move confidently down the path.
Now I just have to ask myself. What do I really want? Should I stake this out for a while longer...knowing that eventually it may go downhill. Or should I jump abroad now. I knew I was going to jump eventually. Its alot easier thinking about it than doing it. My mind had it all planned out, but it turns out my heart wasn't as ready to let go. Then there's the possibility it can all work out to an extent far greater than I can imagine. Though I find this doubtful.
Crap.
I hate having to be patient. And I hate myself for feeling somewhat excited that this is happening. Yet my heart hasn't yet decided to fully present itself. I don't know which extreme would disappoint me more. And knowing that whatever comes out of this...I can't but feel like I failed.
I pray this season will be good to me.