The feeling in my chest that never rests.
I had been meaning to write for so long, yet I never managed to do so. Many reasons why, but oh well...
I realize I've been wasting too much time with words.
It is in the silence that everything happens.
It's in the stillness that we learn. That our hearts open up to receive what we are to busy to listen to during our oh so hectic lives.
I must say though...
I'm glad my life is my own and not some omniscient display set out for the world to feast upon and tear apart like a hungry pack of wolves.
There's something in keeping things to yourself that brings upon an essence of maturity. There's something about doing things without anyone knowing...no one watching...its so much more rewarding.
---
So like I have been for the past week or so I endured a crazy night of sleep and the thoughts and emotions that come with it.
I woke up like a bat out of hell and lifted weights, ran a mile, and decided I would change out the fuel filter in my new car before I made myself breakfast.
After taking apart all this crap to get to the filter, I started getting tired and frustrated. My step-dad then came outside and I asked for help. He replied that's why he was out there. Cool.
It made me feel good to know I wasn't the only one who thought it was a pain in the ass to change the part. But all this is subordinate to the experience.
As we're working outside, father and son, a harsh roar of crackling thunder reverberates throughout the sky. Whatever.
We keep working as the rain started pouring. Rain and hail. I'm partly thinking we should go inside, but look to my side and see my stepdad still working. Fuck it.
So there we are father and son, drenched in heavy rain, working on my car and bonding in a way I never knew possible. Two people are unified in a strange way when their attention is together yet directed at something else.
You learn something standing in the rain, hot, tired, dirty, half starved, half getting ready to pass out. It makes you a better person. It makes you more of a huMAN.
A part of you dies...the part of you that is inclined to seek out comfort and safety. The part of me that dislikes to be rained upon and drenched...but a much bigger part is born in the sacrifice. I gained years in those few hours spent outside.
---
There's something about pouring out your heart...and having the power go off in your room, shutting down your computer and erasing all the words you carefully chose.
There's something about not getting angry, and simply turning the breaker back and and deciding to re-write everything...
There's something about logging back into your account...to find out your draft was SAVED. ;)
Life is good. I'm gonna go make myself food.
I realize I've been wasting too much time with words.
It is in the silence that everything happens.
It's in the stillness that we learn. That our hearts open up to receive what we are to busy to listen to during our oh so hectic lives.
I must say though...
I'm glad my life is my own and not some omniscient display set out for the world to feast upon and tear apart like a hungry pack of wolves.
There's something in keeping things to yourself that brings upon an essence of maturity. There's something about doing things without anyone knowing...no one watching...its so much more rewarding.
---
So like I have been for the past week or so I endured a crazy night of sleep and the thoughts and emotions that come with it.
I woke up like a bat out of hell and lifted weights, ran a mile, and decided I would change out the fuel filter in my new car before I made myself breakfast.
After taking apart all this crap to get to the filter, I started getting tired and frustrated. My step-dad then came outside and I asked for help. He replied that's why he was out there. Cool.
It made me feel good to know I wasn't the only one who thought it was a pain in the ass to change the part. But all this is subordinate to the experience.
As we're working outside, father and son, a harsh roar of crackling thunder reverberates throughout the sky. Whatever.
We keep working as the rain started pouring. Rain and hail. I'm partly thinking we should go inside, but look to my side and see my stepdad still working. Fuck it.
So there we are father and son, drenched in heavy rain, working on my car and bonding in a way I never knew possible. Two people are unified in a strange way when their attention is together yet directed at something else.
You learn something standing in the rain, hot, tired, dirty, half starved, half getting ready to pass out. It makes you a better person. It makes you more of a huMAN.
A part of you dies...the part of you that is inclined to seek out comfort and safety. The part of me that dislikes to be rained upon and drenched...but a much bigger part is born in the sacrifice. I gained years in those few hours spent outside.
---
There's something about pouring out your heart...and having the power go off in your room, shutting down your computer and erasing all the words you carefully chose.
There's something about not getting angry, and simply turning the breaker back and and deciding to re-write everything...
There's something about logging back into your account...to find out your draft was SAVED. ;)
Life is good. I'm gonna go make myself food.