wow its been awhile
Well my life least to say has been uhh, interesting? Im doing amazing in school and Im actually happy for the first time in a while. I met Jacks in the starting of the school year we clicked like nothing it was amazing. We've been together ever since then. I was dating this kid Nick for a while I couldnt fucking stand him. I broke up with him 7 times and he didnt get it. Then I met this amazing guy name Justin, we hit it off amazingly, as soon as he walked through the door there were sparks. Too bad they didnt last long for him, I was in it for the long run. He started seeing another girl and he wouldnt say anything to me so i brought it up and he said to be friends because all we do is fight and I knew it was because of her I'm not stupid. It was a very horrible pain, I got so close to that kid. I actually opened up to him which if you know me I dont do that. With him it was different. I felt something I havent felt before, I dont know how to explain it. I just know I miss it. Hes still around, He's one of my best friends. I miss him though, it feels like I lost him, not psychically but emotionally I did. Katie's second year was very hard for me but Justin and Jacks didnt leave my side. Justin held me through most of it. I'll never forget that day, i was so sad but it felt like I had everyone I needed with me. I've been writing alot lately heres some of it.
It’s 2:30am
She’s wired on coffee and adderall
Her nerves are shot, her body much like her mind is giving up on her.
I think she’s having a meltdown.
“I’ll make it on my own I don’t need anyone’s help” she keeps saying to her self and half the world is wondering when can she admit she needs us.
Desperate for a good relationship, She sits up writing until every cigarette is burnt down to nothing.
Wondering about her life, and what’s the point?
She’s losing her grace.
She takes big chances, never thinks about the consequences.
Most the time it blow up in her face.
He doesn’t understand the embarrassment he put her through, She figured maybe this one could be worth it.
Opening up for her is like prying open the gates of hell. She trusted him.
Figured he could pull her through; was she asking too much of him?
This time she know she’s to blame, but is she putting too much thought in it?
He isn’t the only reason.
You can tell she’s losing it.
She needs to sit down and rethink her steps to find where she threw away her self confidence.
So here she is sitting at her computer at 3:00; writing to no ones.
I’ll tell you what though, She’ll pull through; I have hope for her.
Mascara is running down her face when she thinks about the regrets of her life
This girl seems so strong, but very weak at heart,
She needs you, cant you just open your eyes and see that she’s calling for you?
She walks the street thinking, does anyone care?
No one is there to answer her.
Feeling more heart broken then she ever has before.
She cant stop the feeling, no matter how hard she has tried.
The only happiness she can get is from her friends and her sisters, so she surrounds her self within them.
She drink’s black coffee and smoke’s way too much for her own good.
The girl you look at thinking, “why the hell is she so unhappy?”
She’s beautiful you tell her, but will she ever understand the beauty you see in her before its too late?
Say it too her one more time, maybe just maybe it will help , tell her how amazing she is maybe one day soon she’ll see what you see in her.
Save her from feeling this loneliness her precious body should never feel.
The torture she puts her body through just to make her self feel better. She thinks “should I really have to put my self through this to make me feel beautiful”
You always tell her she’s even more beautiful then ever with just a white beater and pants.
One day maybe you’ll be that guy to save her from this nightmare?
She’s alone now.
She’s naked now.
She’s torn apart for the world to see now.
Can you figure out why she’s being like this?
She’s lying to her self and the world.
We can see right through it.
The water is dripping down her naked body, while she’s wondering why can’t I open up?
I need new people, I need new faces; I need to know something is worth it.
You know when I’m lying.
You all do.
I wont ever admit I need you unless I’m at my lowest.
I wont ever tell you I love you unless I need to hear it back.
I wont ever say when I’m wrong unless you forgave me already.
I only wish I could be what you want me to be.
I’m trying to open up to not only you but the world.
Tear me apart I want the world to learn from my mistakes.
Take them breathe them in, learn them; please to god don’t turn out like me.
Do we have to end everything now?
Everyone is drifting I need everything back to the way it was.
For the sake of me can we go back in time?
Back in lust?
I’m giving you my word, I’ll never go back to those bad habits.
Only because I know its not the end for me.
I’m sorry for what I put you through.
I never should have.
I’m sorry about all the things I said to you.
I’m torn open for you guys to see now.
Tell me, do you like it?
Brianna came up. It was honestly amazing to see her. I needed it badly. I had so much fun, I missed her alot. Shes gone now and I miss her.
My new years was funny. Brianna,Jacki, and I get to Steve's friend's party Jacks and I end up trying to fight everyone. Then someone stole our 30 case, so we got pissed tried fighting again. Then we're like fuck it and we take Steve home. We sleep in her car for 5 hours without heat. It was my amazing idea to go(I was drunk who would've guessed?), it was Jacks fault because everyone knows not to listen to me while I'm drunk aha. So anyways We wanted Mcdonalds so bad. So we figure that one would be open at 5 in the morning. We deside to leave get stuck end up sliding and what not. I end up throwing up out side her car because of it. Then we get stuck in someones drive way til 10:30 aha. Its a New Years I'll never forget.
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
1.Stop lying to myself
2.Stop acting so tough
3.Be more open with my self and others
4.Trust people
5.Be in meaningful relationship
Hopefully I can follow through with them.
It’s 2:30am
She’s wired on coffee and adderall
Her nerves are shot, her body much like her mind is giving up on her.
I think she’s having a meltdown.
“I’ll make it on my own I don’t need anyone’s help” she keeps saying to her self and half the world is wondering when can she admit she needs us.
Desperate for a good relationship, She sits up writing until every cigarette is burnt down to nothing.
Wondering about her life, and what’s the point?
She’s losing her grace.
She takes big chances, never thinks about the consequences.
Most the time it blow up in her face.
He doesn’t understand the embarrassment he put her through, She figured maybe this one could be worth it.
Opening up for her is like prying open the gates of hell. She trusted him.
Figured he could pull her through; was she asking too much of him?
This time she know she’s to blame, but is she putting too much thought in it?
He isn’t the only reason.
You can tell she’s losing it.
She needs to sit down and rethink her steps to find where she threw away her self confidence.
So here she is sitting at her computer at 3:00; writing to no ones.
I’ll tell you what though, She’ll pull through; I have hope for her.
Mascara is running down her face when she thinks about the regrets of her life
This girl seems so strong, but very weak at heart,
She needs you, cant you just open your eyes and see that she’s calling for you?
She walks the street thinking, does anyone care?
No one is there to answer her.
Feeling more heart broken then she ever has before.
She cant stop the feeling, no matter how hard she has tried.
The only happiness she can get is from her friends and her sisters, so she surrounds her self within them.
She drink’s black coffee and smoke’s way too much for her own good.
The girl you look at thinking, “why the hell is she so unhappy?”
She’s beautiful you tell her, but will she ever understand the beauty you see in her before its too late?
Say it too her one more time, maybe just maybe it will help , tell her how amazing she is maybe one day soon she’ll see what you see in her.
Save her from feeling this loneliness her precious body should never feel.
The torture she puts her body through just to make her self feel better. She thinks “should I really have to put my self through this to make me feel beautiful”
You always tell her she’s even more beautiful then ever with just a white beater and pants.
One day maybe you’ll be that guy to save her from this nightmare?
She’s alone now.
She’s naked now.
She’s torn apart for the world to see now.
Can you figure out why she’s being like this?
She’s lying to her self and the world.
We can see right through it.
The water is dripping down her naked body, while she’s wondering why can’t I open up?
I need new people, I need new faces; I need to know something is worth it.
You know when I’m lying.
You all do.
I wont ever admit I need you unless I’m at my lowest.
I wont ever tell you I love you unless I need to hear it back.
I wont ever say when I’m wrong unless you forgave me already.
I only wish I could be what you want me to be.
I’m trying to open up to not only you but the world.
Tear me apart I want the world to learn from my mistakes.
Take them breathe them in, learn them; please to god don’t turn out like me.
Do we have to end everything now?
Everyone is drifting I need everything back to the way it was.
For the sake of me can we go back in time?
Back in lust?
I’m giving you my word, I’ll never go back to those bad habits.
Only because I know its not the end for me.
I’m sorry for what I put you through.
I never should have.
I’m sorry about all the things I said to you.
I’m torn open for you guys to see now.
Tell me, do you like it?
Brianna came up. It was honestly amazing to see her. I needed it badly. I had so much fun, I missed her alot. Shes gone now and I miss her.
My new years was funny. Brianna,Jacki, and I get to Steve's friend's party Jacks and I end up trying to fight everyone. Then someone stole our 30 case, so we got pissed tried fighting again. Then we're like fuck it and we take Steve home. We sleep in her car for 5 hours without heat. It was my amazing idea to go(I was drunk who would've guessed?), it was Jacks fault because everyone knows not to listen to me while I'm drunk aha. So anyways We wanted Mcdonalds so bad. So we figure that one would be open at 5 in the morning. We deside to leave get stuck end up sliding and what not. I end up throwing up out side her car because of it. Then we get stuck in someones drive way til 10:30 aha. Its a New Years I'll never forget.
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
1.Stop lying to myself
2.Stop acting so tough
3.Be more open with my self and others
4.Trust people
5.Be in meaningful relationship
Hopefully I can follow through with them.