dont pay attention to this
i was tryin to print this paper....and my email is fucked up so i cant email it to myself and get it on my moms computer. feel free to read the short story. beckie i am sure u know that the guys name isnt Jamal. lol. but anyways...
As I walk up the stairs to Jamal’s apartment I get this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. Its not because he has his arm wrapped tightly around my waist while his girlfriend is upstairs. Honestly I don’t know what it is from. I think back to how I got caught up in this mess, the first time he ever kissed me that led to all those days I spent with him. Sometimes I feel like I’ve gone to far, but sometimes I feel I haven’t done enough.
Everything started a few years ago. I met Jamal and Tara through Tony. Tara is Tony’s sister and Jamal is her boyfriend. I never even thought Jamal and I would ever become anything more than friends. I thought nothing of all the times I slept over their apartment with Tony. The tress of us were like family.
One day my cell phone rang and it was Jamal. I sat there and talked to him for a little bit. He asked me to go over and see him because Tara was gone and he had nothing to do. My friend Wally came with me. We sat around for a little bit and played video games and watched a movie. Wally and I decided to leave so I ran upstairs to say bye to Jamal. He gave me this big hug and a kiss on the forehead. It bothered me a little but I eventually got over it.
A year passed and things didn’t change much. I got my license and enjoyed the freedom of making my own plans and not waiting around for rides. I was driving around one day when Jamal called. He said his cousin Kev wanted to see me and asked me to drive over, so I did. I sat in the living room and started to watch a movie. Jamal went in his room to smoke a cigarette and asked me to go with him. It was awkward but I did it anyways. Jamal and I started talking about al kinds of things. Then he kissed me. I felt like my heart had stopped. I backed away a little and Jamal apologized. I just sat there thinking about what had happened and why it felt right.
“Jamie, I’ve been trying to fight these feeling off that I have for you, but I just cant help it. I just feel so jealous when I see you with other guys. I don’t know what it is, but I really care for you.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“I’m trying to say I want to be with you.”
At that moment I just let loose of everything and kissed him. I didn’t realize what I was getting myself into and all the people I would hurt. I just didn’t care.
I left Jamal’s that day full of different emotions. For once I felt like I had the guy of my dreams in the palm of my hands and I was so happy. But at the same time I knew I was going to hurt the people around me, especially Tara and Tony.
Later that day I went back over there with Tony. As I opened the door and saw Jamal all the same emotions ran through me again. I just looked at him and smiled. I wanted to just grab him and kiss him. But I knew I couldn’t. He wasn’t like most boyfriends. And it was at that moment I realized to be with him, I had to sacrifice my own feelings. After I left he called and asked me to go over there the next day to see him and of course I had to.
Months went by and no one knew about my secret life. I began to lie to all of my friends about where I was. I felt like I had no one to talk to. I couldn’t tell anyone. I was in love wit Jamal, the one person I thought I could never be with. And I didn’t know how to handle it.
Finally the pressure got to me and I had to tell Tony. I was suprised he wasn’t mad at me. He just said he was glad that I had told him and not kept it a secret. We sat there in silence. I kept my eyes glued to the road, I couldn’t even look him in the eyes, because I knew the truth and he only knew pieces of it. How could I ever tell him I was in love with Jamal, his sister’s boyfriend.
Jamal and I continued to see each other. He didn’t know I had cracked and told Tony anything. I just felt so complete around Jamal, like he was the only one who understood me. I loved to just lay in bed with him and talk to him about what I wanted to do in the future with my life. Then it all came.
“I’m leaving Tara soon. I’m making enough money that if I save up for a little bit I can get the apartment I want. And she’ll never find out where I live.”
“If that’s what you want to do Jamal, then do it.”
“But that’s not all Jamie. I want you to live with me. Really be mine. What do you think?”
“Jamal, I’d love to.”
I didn’t understand exactly what I had said yes to. I felt so confused. Should I stay with the guy that means everything to me and risk losing everyone around me, or do I break my own heart and leave Jamal. I didn’t know what to do. I knew I had gone to far.
I thought about what was happening all night. I realized if he wanted to leave Tara there was nothing I could do. I hadn’t given him the idea for it. But the question was should I stay with him?
I sat down wit Tony again for advice, I knew he’d understand.
“What do you mean he is leaving Tara, that’s my sister!”
“Tony I didn’t tell him to and you know that. Its his own decision. But he wants me to live with him.”
“Well are you? I didn’t even know you two still talked”
And that’s when the truth came out.
“Tony, I love Jamal, he means everything to me. I told you that I was with him for a little while, but we’ve been together for at least a year. I used to go and see him any chance I got. I feel so bad tony. I really don’t know what to do. I love him and I cant stop those feelings, but I don’t want to hurt you or anyone else. But no matter what I am going to hurt someone. And I don’t want that.”
There it was. I felt like I had put my life on the line. It felt so nice to come clean after so many lies. Tony didn’t see Jamal the same anymore, but he never told him that he knew anything about us. I had made up my mind and there was no turning back.
So here I am walking up the same stairs I used to walk up everyday to see Jamal. I know Tara is inside and it makes me nervous. Everything came down to this and I could not go back now. I just looked at them both and leaned against the wall, behind Jamal. For once I was scared of my consequence for my actions.
“Tara I cant do this anymore. We fight to much and I don’t love you as much as I used to years ago. I’m always going to have a place in my heart for you, but I cant be with you anymore. Please forgive me”
“You’re just leaving me. I knew this was going to happen eventually. I knew we were falling apart. But it still hurts me Jamal. I hope you know that.”
I just sat there and watched a single tear fall from Tara’s eyes. I knew I had hurt her.
“Tara, I never meant for this to happen. Please forgive me, I still want us to be friends. If you don’t want to be I completely understand.”
“Jamie I don’t know what I want from you right now. Time will tell.”
I just looked at Jamal and he gave Tara a hug and grab his things. I helped him pack everything into the car.
Driving towards my new apartment, I finally felt like everything was right. I was in love with Jamal, the man of my dreams and I could finally be with him without creeping around behind people’s back. I could actually do the things that normal couples did, hold his hand, kiss him in public, it didn’t matter. If anyone saw us it didn’t matter anymore. It felt so good.
We pulled up and started to unload the car. I heard a voice behind me and turned around. There was Tony.
“No hard feelings man, I understand what you did. I’m glad you’re being honest with my sister. I cam to help you guys unpack.”
Tony gave Jamal daps and grabbed some boxes. It felt nice, all of us being together knowing everything. It meant so much to have Tony there with me. He was like my brother, his opinion meant everything to me.
My life with Jamal is great now. We’ve been living together for about a year now. Tara stops by from time to time. She has a new boyfriend now and is very happy. I don’t regret anything I did with Jamal. I fell in love with him for a reason. I’m just glad I can actually be with Jamal, instead of sneaking around all the time. The only thing I regret is not telling anyone sooner. It hurt knowing I had to keep everything to myself. But I am glad I followed my heart and stayed with Jamal.
As I walk up the stairs to Jamal’s apartment I get this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. Its not because he has his arm wrapped tightly around my waist while his girlfriend is upstairs. Honestly I don’t know what it is from. I think back to how I got caught up in this mess, the first time he ever kissed me that led to all those days I spent with him. Sometimes I feel like I’ve gone to far, but sometimes I feel I haven’t done enough.
Everything started a few years ago. I met Jamal and Tara through Tony. Tara is Tony’s sister and Jamal is her boyfriend. I never even thought Jamal and I would ever become anything more than friends. I thought nothing of all the times I slept over their apartment with Tony. The tress of us were like family.
One day my cell phone rang and it was Jamal. I sat there and talked to him for a little bit. He asked me to go over and see him because Tara was gone and he had nothing to do. My friend Wally came with me. We sat around for a little bit and played video games and watched a movie. Wally and I decided to leave so I ran upstairs to say bye to Jamal. He gave me this big hug and a kiss on the forehead. It bothered me a little but I eventually got over it.
A year passed and things didn’t change much. I got my license and enjoyed the freedom of making my own plans and not waiting around for rides. I was driving around one day when Jamal called. He said his cousin Kev wanted to see me and asked me to drive over, so I did. I sat in the living room and started to watch a movie. Jamal went in his room to smoke a cigarette and asked me to go with him. It was awkward but I did it anyways. Jamal and I started talking about al kinds of things. Then he kissed me. I felt like my heart had stopped. I backed away a little and Jamal apologized. I just sat there thinking about what had happened and why it felt right.
“Jamie, I’ve been trying to fight these feeling off that I have for you, but I just cant help it. I just feel so jealous when I see you with other guys. I don’t know what it is, but I really care for you.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“I’m trying to say I want to be with you.”
At that moment I just let loose of everything and kissed him. I didn’t realize what I was getting myself into and all the people I would hurt. I just didn’t care.
I left Jamal’s that day full of different emotions. For once I felt like I had the guy of my dreams in the palm of my hands and I was so happy. But at the same time I knew I was going to hurt the people around me, especially Tara and Tony.
Later that day I went back over there with Tony. As I opened the door and saw Jamal all the same emotions ran through me again. I just looked at him and smiled. I wanted to just grab him and kiss him. But I knew I couldn’t. He wasn’t like most boyfriends. And it was at that moment I realized to be with him, I had to sacrifice my own feelings. After I left he called and asked me to go over there the next day to see him and of course I had to.
Months went by and no one knew about my secret life. I began to lie to all of my friends about where I was. I felt like I had no one to talk to. I couldn’t tell anyone. I was in love wit Jamal, the one person I thought I could never be with. And I didn’t know how to handle it.
Finally the pressure got to me and I had to tell Tony. I was suprised he wasn’t mad at me. He just said he was glad that I had told him and not kept it a secret. We sat there in silence. I kept my eyes glued to the road, I couldn’t even look him in the eyes, because I knew the truth and he only knew pieces of it. How could I ever tell him I was in love with Jamal, his sister’s boyfriend.
Jamal and I continued to see each other. He didn’t know I had cracked and told Tony anything. I just felt so complete around Jamal, like he was the only one who understood me. I loved to just lay in bed with him and talk to him about what I wanted to do in the future with my life. Then it all came.
“I’m leaving Tara soon. I’m making enough money that if I save up for a little bit I can get the apartment I want. And she’ll never find out where I live.”
“If that’s what you want to do Jamal, then do it.”
“But that’s not all Jamie. I want you to live with me. Really be mine. What do you think?”
“Jamal, I’d love to.”
I didn’t understand exactly what I had said yes to. I felt so confused. Should I stay with the guy that means everything to me and risk losing everyone around me, or do I break my own heart and leave Jamal. I didn’t know what to do. I knew I had gone to far.
I thought about what was happening all night. I realized if he wanted to leave Tara there was nothing I could do. I hadn’t given him the idea for it. But the question was should I stay with him?
I sat down wit Tony again for advice, I knew he’d understand.
“What do you mean he is leaving Tara, that’s my sister!”
“Tony I didn’t tell him to and you know that. Its his own decision. But he wants me to live with him.”
“Well are you? I didn’t even know you two still talked”
And that’s when the truth came out.
“Tony, I love Jamal, he means everything to me. I told you that I was with him for a little while, but we’ve been together for at least a year. I used to go and see him any chance I got. I feel so bad tony. I really don’t know what to do. I love him and I cant stop those feelings, but I don’t want to hurt you or anyone else. But no matter what I am going to hurt someone. And I don’t want that.”
There it was. I felt like I had put my life on the line. It felt so nice to come clean after so many lies. Tony didn’t see Jamal the same anymore, but he never told him that he knew anything about us. I had made up my mind and there was no turning back.
So here I am walking up the same stairs I used to walk up everyday to see Jamal. I know Tara is inside and it makes me nervous. Everything came down to this and I could not go back now. I just looked at them both and leaned against the wall, behind Jamal. For once I was scared of my consequence for my actions.
“Tara I cant do this anymore. We fight to much and I don’t love you as much as I used to years ago. I’m always going to have a place in my heart for you, but I cant be with you anymore. Please forgive me”
“You’re just leaving me. I knew this was going to happen eventually. I knew we were falling apart. But it still hurts me Jamal. I hope you know that.”
I just sat there and watched a single tear fall from Tara’s eyes. I knew I had hurt her.
“Tara, I never meant for this to happen. Please forgive me, I still want us to be friends. If you don’t want to be I completely understand.”
“Jamie I don’t know what I want from you right now. Time will tell.”
I just looked at Jamal and he gave Tara a hug and grab his things. I helped him pack everything into the car.
Driving towards my new apartment, I finally felt like everything was right. I was in love with Jamal, the man of my dreams and I could finally be with him without creeping around behind people’s back. I could actually do the things that normal couples did, hold his hand, kiss him in public, it didn’t matter. If anyone saw us it didn’t matter anymore. It felt so good.
We pulled up and started to unload the car. I heard a voice behind me and turned around. There was Tony.
“No hard feelings man, I understand what you did. I’m glad you’re being honest with my sister. I cam to help you guys unpack.”
Tony gave Jamal daps and grabbed some boxes. It felt nice, all of us being together knowing everything. It meant so much to have Tony there with me. He was like my brother, his opinion meant everything to me.
My life with Jamal is great now. We’ve been living together for about a year now. Tara stops by from time to time. She has a new boyfriend now and is very happy. I don’t regret anything I did with Jamal. I fell in love with him for a reason. I’m just glad I can actually be with Jamal, instead of sneaking around all the time. The only thing I regret is not telling anyone sooner. It hurt knowing I had to keep everything to myself. But I am glad I followed my heart and stayed with Jamal.