cyclic
Dear you,
I know I should be nonchalant and unaffected. But despite the brave front, I am sad.
I miss you. You've become such an asshole lately that I admit I want to just hate you sometimes. Some said that that's the right thing to do, so that I won't care about you anymore.
But of course, that's not my thing. I always believed that there's good in everybody. And I know down inside that you are not this current person. That you are not the jerk that you are right now. I don't know what's wrong. But please, wherever the person I met, the person I've learned to care for went, please do come back. I hope this current state of your personality is just temporary. Or I'm hoping this isn't the real you. If it is, I would not want to think forever that what I saw in you a year ago was just a joke. I don't want to go around hating you for the rest of my life.
Whenever you treat me coldly, I still force a smile and remind myself that maybe, just maybe you have your reasons for doing that. But frankly, there is a growing annoyance and frustration in me. I am not a numb, neither do I have a stone heart. It wouldn't be such a big deal to me if you did that to everybody. But as I've seen it, it seems as if you're only having that kind of reaction whenever I'm around. That's why I get hurt. I envy those people you treat nicely because I'm having the thought "Uy! Kaya mo naman pala maging mabait ah! Bakit pag sakin lagi ka nalang galit? Laging Iritable?" I get hurt by your nasty remarks and the tone you use whenever you speak to me. I just bite my lips to keep me from fighting with you because that's the last thing I want to do. (Well, okay, I retaliate some times. You can't blame me. I hate being bullied). You know me, I am a very patient person but I don't know how long I can take this. I want my last year in college to be peaceful and happy, and going around hating you wouldn't give me that.
I miss the old you. I don't know what those 3 weeks of contemplation did to you. It made you into the kind of person I hated and loathed. You're being mean, insensitive, angry, bossy, and arrogant.
We're just going cyclic. You'll be nice one day and then a jerk the next day. You're being bipolar and sadly though, I notice.
But please old you, do come back. Not for my sake. But for yours.
I am still here (sadly). I don't know for how long though. It's hard to keep up when you're treated like crap.