I'm hilarious.

[freetobeme]

Lydia: I can't find my wallet.

Me: Spiders!

Some guy: *weird look*

Me: They fucking steal everything.

Lydia: *sets her drink on the roof of my car*

Me: My car is not a coaster, young lady...there's a spider!

Lydia: Where?

Me: *is watching it run in tiny circles* It's making a b-line for your soda.