I dont believe anybody feels the way I do
...I popped the strings on the acoustic and managed to get my fingers bleeding....this typing actually hurts a lot....Konata's going to kill me when she sees the blood on the keyboard...I thought my calluses were thicker than this...oh well...guess I wont be playing for a few days.
I had a good conversation with Integral, also had some fun talking with Konata.
Being barely legal sucks. Wanting to share bad habits with that man. is the last thing I need to do.
I think I may look into therapy.
- Kia Freeborn
I cant believe this is really happening since the anniversary passed I keep finding myself getting melancholy thinking about the night it happened, it was really cold from the freak storms its why I hate the cold. Maybe becuase its so cold and the anniversary passed its got me thinking of her again. I didn't let it touch me before I've never truly cared becuase I knew it would come.
All I was to her was just another collectible left by the bastard. I wasn't her son I was her one of a kind Blues Dullia replica, she loved that bastard so much. So why do I play the blues? why cant I change myself why must I love music and be so good at it too.
I saw online earlier that Ray's going to be playing a opera house on new years. and I think god everyday that I left that place, I have the whole plan made and whenever I think about it and the fact I live with the Cross Commissioner I regret thinking it. But some days, I know Ray Dullia must die to make HIM suffer. That man DOESN'T deserve happiness! I saw when Ray laughed he laughed, so when Ray cries he must cry. Logic says then if Ray dies...well need I say more? I need to quit thinking about that.
Last night was fucking beautiful until I found out Konata could be deported, I haven't been able to shake this feeling since then, I don't know whats wrong either. I have NEVER needed anyone in my life and I certainly don't need her. So why does the idea of her being gone send chills up my spine and make me feel ill? even if it was quick the kiss in the kitchen just made it that much harder to sleep. I was just content watching her sleep. Thinking about all these things that bother me and the wretched idea of saving her.
And then the fighting, god I felt five years old again. hiding in the kitchen listening to the bastard beat her half to death and her crying out that shes sorry begging not to be hit again. Seeing her the next day weeping begging me not to look at her with my judging eyes, I hated that time and I feel sick feeling like Its repeating, Only this isn't mom and the bastard. No this is the woman I thought was made of steel but steel doesn't bruise.
She came to me tonight apologizing for the noise she must have known I was awake becuase I slept like the dead just like Konata does.having had my first experiences in a hot tub and a conversation with her I felt both relieved and more sick. Sometimes shes a woman I admire made from steel and nerves other times I see my mother sitting in her place, when she told me not to look at her, I felt like I had just had my heart was being put through a blender.
I don't judge her, its in woman to have that happen. I still do adore her, but for now I think I'm going to get sick again...
but hey...I finally wrote a song.
I had a good conversation with Integral, also had some fun talking with Konata.
Being barely legal sucks. Wanting to share bad habits with that man. is the last thing I need to do.
I think I may look into therapy.
- Kia Freeborn
I cant believe this is really happening since the anniversary passed I keep finding myself getting melancholy thinking about the night it happened, it was really cold from the freak storms its why I hate the cold. Maybe becuase its so cold and the anniversary passed its got me thinking of her again. I didn't let it touch me before I've never truly cared becuase I knew it would come.
All I was to her was just another collectible left by the bastard. I wasn't her son I was her one of a kind Blues Dullia replica, she loved that bastard so much. So why do I play the blues? why cant I change myself why must I love music and be so good at it too.
I saw online earlier that Ray's going to be playing a opera house on new years. and I think god everyday that I left that place, I have the whole plan made and whenever I think about it and the fact I live with the Cross Commissioner I regret thinking it. But some days, I know Ray Dullia must die to make HIM suffer. That man DOESN'T deserve happiness! I saw when Ray laughed he laughed, so when Ray cries he must cry. Logic says then if Ray dies...well need I say more? I need to quit thinking about that.
Last night was fucking beautiful until I found out Konata could be deported, I haven't been able to shake this feeling since then, I don't know whats wrong either. I have NEVER needed anyone in my life and I certainly don't need her. So why does the idea of her being gone send chills up my spine and make me feel ill? even if it was quick the kiss in the kitchen just made it that much harder to sleep. I was just content watching her sleep. Thinking about all these things that bother me and the wretched idea of saving her.
And then the fighting, god I felt five years old again. hiding in the kitchen listening to the bastard beat her half to death and her crying out that shes sorry begging not to be hit again. Seeing her the next day weeping begging me not to look at her with my judging eyes, I hated that time and I feel sick feeling like Its repeating, Only this isn't mom and the bastard. No this is the woman I thought was made of steel but steel doesn't bruise.
She came to me tonight apologizing for the noise she must have known I was awake becuase I slept like the dead just like Konata does.having had my first experiences in a hot tub and a conversation with her I felt both relieved and more sick. Sometimes shes a woman I admire made from steel and nerves other times I see my mother sitting in her place, when she told me not to look at her, I felt like I had just had my heart was being put through a blender.
I don't judge her, its in woman to have that happen. I still do adore her, but for now I think I'm going to get sick again...
but hey...I finally wrote a song.