"if peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis"
So I'm currently reading this amazing book called Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, and I had to share this passage. Because it has given me insight into something I personally struggled with since Fall of 2005, and while I've gotten over it, when I read this, it just gave me such a fresh perspective on the whole situation of mine. I mean, nearly two years ago around this time (or more Septemberish I believe) I was a deeply depressed mental and physical wreck. It took me several months to start to come out of it, and about a year before I was really truly over it. So here's the passage. Basically, she (Liz) is talking with her friend Richard, who she has met in an ashram in India. (By the by, "Groceries" is his nickname for her):
"But I really loved him."
"Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don't you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you were capable of reaching. I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that's just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That's just limited little rinky-dink mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries -- you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It's your destiny. Don't laugh."
"I'm not laughing." I was actually crying. "And please don't laugh at me now, but I think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate."
"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over, Groceries. David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at the dump, baby -- you're just lickin' at an empty can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."
"But I love him."
"So love him."
"But I miss him."
"So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you'll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she's really alone. But here's what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot--a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in--God will rush in--and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go."
"But I wish me and David could--"
He cuts me off. "See, now that's your problem. You're wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be."
So there it is. It really made me stop and think about the situation I went through, because I was feeling the same exact way that they were describing throughout their conversation about someone, and now, looking back on the whole thing, I've come to Richard's same conclusion about soul mates and clearing your mind of the obsession. If anyone is interested in reading this book, it's about a woman (the author) who gets divorced in her mid thirties, has a rebound relationship with a guy who she falls deeply for but it doesn't work out as they are not actually good for each other in many ways, and so she decides to spend an entire year traveling. She spends four months in Italy, learning about and savoring pleasure (mainly through food!), four months in India, where she is learning about devotion through meditation and yoga at an ashram, and then four months in Bali where she tries to learn to balance both pleasure and devotion in her life. It's very eye opening and humorous, so I highly recommend it.
And just as a random last note for the evening:
"I forgot the hand sanitizer"
"FUCK YOUUUUU"